I'm wondering now if this is just another game with him to get a reaction out of me as far as not giving our D13 the exact address.
No I don't think it is a game, he is just still in his fog and nothing but the fog is on his radar. I would just let it go and keep living your life without him. I would tell the school the truth. You don't know his address. It is not YOUR problem. It is the schools problem. Let them get in touch with him.
Lance, So you think I should not contact the school. Remember he contacted the guidance counselor yesterday, and gave him his address I'm assuming but won't give it to our D13 for a form for the nurse.
I have the right to know it too, so when she goes with him. I understand what you are saying about the fog, but why is he being such an a** and won't give it to our D13? Doesn't make sense, I will eventually get the address why couldn't he just tell her?
Wow, our D13 just texted me and told me that he gave her the address. This stuff is totally crazy.
Is this to get a reaction from me with all of the stuff he has been pulling the last couple of weeks?
So confusing, I thought these things were positive things. He went to the Dr., taking ADs, calling and getting involved with her school work like he was when we were together.
I think looking for sympathy (I think) , by telling our D13 he is taking a pill for his heart (total lie).
Need advice on this one. D13 said last night that she hasn't heard from H for 1 1/2 weeks. He was calling her every day. She thinks that he loves his S17 and S15 more than her. She said that if they are not with him he will call them on Sunday and talk about football or whatever.
He gave them the bigger room in his apartment so if they stay over night there is enough room but they don't sleep there that often. H's sons are from a high school relationship. I don't know if I should text H and tell him that she feels left out or what to do. I know that he will not respond to my text but I also feel he should know that he is hurting her. She is afraid to express how she feels with H. Then she gets mad about it, and says, the phone rings both ways and that is what Daddy tells me. H got that from his controlling step-mother. She always said that the kids should be calling the parents not the other way around.
If you think I should contact H what do I say and how do I say it? Or do I just leave it alone.
My instinct would be that he's probably going to discount anything he hears from you--he's already set up rationalizations to tune you out.
However, I think this is a place where it would be really useful for your D to express herself to her father. This is a skill she needs for all her future relationships, and thinking like "I'm afraid to tell X something because..." becomes a destructive ingrained habit.
However, if a face-to-face discussion would be too difficult for her, perhaps it would be easier to get it all down in a letter? This would diffuse tensions, let her express herself fully, and give him a chance to re-read it in a calmer state of mind.
My other suggestion would be, since she has a C, could she invite H to come to an appointment so she could talk these issues through with the support of her therapist? The C could gently guide H in how to resolve your D's hurt.
Thanks Cyrena, I've been working on her talking to him, she just says that Daddy isn't Daddy anymore. And she can't talk to him the way she can talk to me.
As far as H in her C. He wouldn't go. He did attend in the beginning or our separation but only a few times. I don't think he liked being told by D13's C that he needed to do this and that and didn't like the fact that she gave it to him straight as far as what he was doing wrong.
I guess the letter thing would be the best thing for her to do but I know him and he will think I put her up to it. I think I still get the blame for everything.
I'm just so confused......if he wasn't happy with me and the kids and blames me for everything then why did he just go on the 10th to the Dr.'s to be put back on his AD's that he stopped taking 3 1/2 weeks before he left. D13 said he isn't happy at all, so I know it wasn't all me.
Maybe I will talk to D13 and see what she would like to do. Sometimes she gets so mad also and just might say the heck with him. I hope not, because they always were so close.
I am with Cyrena on this, you should not get involved with the relationship of your D13 and H. DO NOT call him, or contact him. Let your D13 work it out with him.
I think someone (grace maybe) said it It is not your job to fix their relationship. It is your job not to damage it.
I didn't and don't plan on doing anything as far as contacting H.
Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to contact him, you are right. It is up to him to contact her and for me not to get in the middle.
I did tell her he loves her very much, and is just sick right now and she said "How long is he going to be like this? It's almost 2yrs. Mom" I just said didn't know how long but that I know he loves her with his whole heart.
My S from my first M is also upset and has been for a long time. H raised him since he was 4 and the only contact was a card from H for S's birthday last Oct. and I had to ask H if he was going to acknowledge S or not. I didn't want to see my S hurt again. His father has nothing to do with him and H has raised him and acts now like he doesn't exist. Both of my children have the same birthday so there is NO way for H to forget or anything.
It seems with their birthdays coming up again, I'm more nervous thinking he won't acknowledge my S. H's family claimed they loved my S and so on but after we were married things changed and they treated him like an outsider and that's when H went and told them off. But now that he has made up with his mother he is acting just like them. But God bless my S. He said "Mom, H is like a little boy in a man's body. I think he will get better and come back home."
Just venting.......D13 texted H and asked why he hasn't called her or anything and he said the phone rings both ways. Well, that's all I ever heard from MIL for many many years and she always felt it was up to the children to contact the parents not the other way around. So I guess H has this dug into his head also.
To me that is crazy......if I didn't hear from my child whether young or adult I sure as hell would contact them making sure everything is okay.
Here we go again this month....loan is now 3 days past due and I don't want to text him. I'm getting tired of reminding H. And I also wonder if he does it on purpose so I contact him.
