It does take time to heal from a broken heart. I don't think there is one "proper" timeline.
In a way I sort of appreciate going to a wedding now more than ever. If I knew/understood the things I do now at my own wedding, well, things might have been easier.
Have you found any relevant books or perhaps a C to help with the process? ADs can help make this difficult process from turning into a monumental process.
Besides attending the wedding ceremonies what else are you doing to stay busy and keep your mind off of these thoughts.
Besides being a wedding crasher (haha), I spend most of my time between work and school and squeeze in a social outing every so often. I am seeing an IC and have been since earlier this year. That is actually really helpful. Haven't been proactive about ADs but was referenced to other folks by IC in case I wanted to see about that.
I still do love weddings, CG. Heariing the vow part does throw me though--when they say the part about how it's forever, blah blah blah. LOL.
I know I've got to get through the bad before I get to the good and I am ok with that. Some days suck, some are downright awesome. I am feeling good today.
Don't feel bad about crashing the weddings, it's fun you can have a title 'Director of the National Wedding Crasher Project'.
Besides I've done worse....I wonder- maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'
Glad to hear your IC is helping you. You're doing much better than you were before so there's definitely been a noticeable improvement in your overall attitude. Start every day off with a smile- it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips...wait for the first
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Hey I'm going to a wedding this weekend knowing how hard it's going to be to keep from yelling bullsh*t when they get to the part of loving each other for better or worse, sicker or poorer, forsakeing all others, blah, blah, blah...
So I was on FB, something I am not a member of butg occassionally get on my niece's page to leave my sis a note from myself. And I looked up stbx. I know. This is bad. And you guys can reprimand me later. Seems 90% of his 100+ friends are all skankily-clad women. He has pics of himself at the place where he took me where he also had met and took home and f-cked random club girl. He has pics from there from a night when I was't there (I imagine when he met that broad) that he posted in Dec... when he said this went down with her. The pic is of him and two dudes and says Party HEE HEE. WTF? I am not even on FB and this is so annoying to me. He is so clearly over it. So I go looking throughall these whore looking chicks andd one matches the descrption of where he saidd randdom club girl is from, where she lives, taht she has a sis, etc. Iknow this is bad but I texted himw ith just her first name. No response. It's late as hell & I know I shouldn't have done that but I am close to shaking (or rather I feel like my body is going to have a panic attack in a way). When we separated I immediately went off the FB. I haven't even been able to go out socially since and he's so golden. He said he had never been in contact w/ her again after it happened, that they weren't on FB together, etc. I am really upset right now and I feel sick.
I know. I am not getting on there again via anyone's page. Grr.
So this is what happened. Last nighth after seeing all this I went to text stbx to see if we could move up our court date. My phone keeps texts taht I typed but didn't send in a draft folder. So when I clicked on stbx's name, it had "Please do not call me again." (I meant to send this to him a after court date when he was calling me & I told him to only call me for D-related stuff). So I accidentally hit send before I could erase it/type other message out. I immediately texted him, "Oops. Sorry. that was not meant for you." Then LATER, I texted him this skank's name with a ?-mark.
So this a.m. in rush hour he writes me "I don't think you sent all these messages to the right DUDE. It's better if you delete my number...just to be safe."
And I wrote back, "No I didn't meant to send the first part but the last part was for you :)"
He texts, "Whatever."
WTH. I am so angry. Maybe that is a good thing. I am damn tired of feeling depressed every got damn day. I barely slept last night and keep thinking of all this girls on his page. He also has his bro and cousin on there who can see all these nasty girls. It makes me feel like he has ZERO discretion. Granted, he didn't either when took that broa back to his friend's house and f-cked her. The same friend who would smile in my face and I got them out of being in a fight once together. At least I respected our privacy when we first separated so that the world iddn't have to be involve din our b.s. And he has pics posted from a club like he's a damn 18 year old.
Do you think by him not addressing her name that I typed that he is deflecting? Or did I guess the wrong girl?
I want this D to be over so bad. I am starting to hate him.
I know its hard but don't go there! I just recently did the same thing and it only dredges up old feelings of hurt, anger and disrespect,,,it hurts so very badly when you're being lied to, I just found out my stbxh is sleeping with numerous women and probably has been this whole time we've been M'd. Butwe just have to remind ourselves that we are smarter and above all that!!
My D will be over on Oct 20th and 21st, we will get thru all this pain we just need to make ourselves busy by focusing on our families rather than ask 'Why' or follow them down that cheeseless tunnel.
I hope you find some solace and peace today as i'm searching for it as well,,,i'm up way too late for my own good!LOL!
Take Care, Kim
M44H44 M18 T22 Sep7yrs-3/10 S23,22,15,11 10/07I file 2/08D postponed by H 2/09D on 3/09H moves in 8/09I kick H out 9/09H-PA 10/09-2/10mediate 3/10OW discoved 5/10H&OW engaged 7/10DDay w/atty
I want this D to be over so bad. I am starting to hate him.
^^^^This is defintely not detaching I bet you knew that.
Why do I think that you already know what you ought to be doing?
The source of your anger is fear. Feel the anger, watch where it comes from, and understand it, track it back all the way to its source, but don't identify with it. You are not it. It is an emotional pattern that tries to take over, and feeling it, watching it, and understanding it means it loses its power to take over. It's like a demon that can only live if you fight it or if you identify with it.
I wrote something the other day when I was thinking about this metaphore of negative emotions being demons.
I bet you knew that.