Wanna hear something funny??? I have a song on my iPod from the Friday Night Lights soundtrack. It's called "If It's The Beaches" by the Avett Brothers. Awesome, heartfelt song.
The opening of the song goes like this...
Don't say its over Cause that's the worst news I could hear I swear that I will Do my best to be here just the way you like it Even though its hard to hide Push my feelings all aside I will rearrange my plans and change for you
I was playing it in the car yesterday and Nathan (8) says, "What? Man that guy's a wimp. He shouldn't change for anybody."
Um, yeah....you sure figured that out years before your mom!!!!
A woman marries a man with the thought that she can change him, but he never changes.
A man marries a woman with the thought that she will never change, but she always changes.
I read this joke when I was at dinner tonight with the kids...
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" The homeless man replied "No, I had to stop drinking years ago".
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing", the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked. "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and women."
Hey guys.. well firstly, I disagree. I think we can and should change if someone brings out the best in us and teaches us something that means change is necessary/healthy. I think relationships are about compromise and growing and that involves changes too and thats a good lesson to learn. If I hadnt changed.. I frankly wouldnt be back with H now. I needed to change, for my own sake. Him leaving, however devastating, was the best thing that happened to me. It made me change in ways I definetly needed to for my own happiness, with or without winning him back.
Bobbi... I dont understand why you went outside and had that convo with Dan?? After the way you started this thread too. I think sweets, you have a job of letting go of things. You sure are stubborn!
What were you hoping to achieve by it? If it was a straight question about how to approach things with the kids, it could have come out differently, but it sounded like you were asking because you just want to know.
Why did you suggest to Dan..."If you have them 50% of the time,how about you spend the other 50% with her?" - didnt that make you feel humiliated, suggesting he see MORE of his girfriend? And then to go on to say 'OK, so you guys are going to date long distance for years? That doesn't sound worth it...'.. is that just wishful thinking?
Bobbi, I said it in my last post, its like groundhog day. Maybe you should consider changing habits of a lifetime that maybe arent really serving you?? Its kind of heartbreaking to see you still so not over him, but I understand how hard it must be. Afterall, Dan was your world, you were together since you were 16.
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
First, on the idea of changing...I do believe that all of us have room for improvement! And I definitely believe in compromising sometimes, doing things because we know it makes our partner smile even if it isn't our favorite thing, etc etc.
The message of the entire song, though, was that he was basically saying he would change anything, do anything, be anything if it meant the woman who left him would come back. That is totally different.
It can become a snowball effect. First, your partner doesn't like the music you listen to, so you stop listening to it and listen to what she likes. Then, your partner doesn't like how you dress (this happened to my oldest sister), so you dress differently....and on and on. If you are like a dog chasing its tail trying to change and change and change for someone to think you are good enough, that is not a good place to be.
As far as the convo went, I agree it was poorly thought out. Or, I should say, not thought out at all. I wasn't trying to be manipulative or judgemental or controlling, honestly. I was actually just geniunely taken by surprise. The whole thing seems ridiculous to me. If she can't move for 10 more years bc of the stipulations of her child's custody, then what the freak is the point? I know, that is not my business. But as he was saying it (she will never move here, it can never happen), the whole thing just seemed pointless.
I guess bc in my case if I had a 'friend' who could never be a consistent part of my life--I couldn't live with them, marry them, whatever--I may decide to keep seeing them. But, why would I involve my kids? Guess it just shows how we are different. I don't intend to introduce my kids to anyone I date unless/until I get to the point where I am considering a serious, committed, marriage-leaning relationship. Until that time I will date on my own time, not the kids.
That is what I mean when I said, "How about you see her the other 50%", Ali. I didn't mean be more involved with her, but if he did that's not my problem anyway. I just meant, if she is going to be a sporadic presence in your life, no need to involve the kids. If they were shacking up or getting married of course the kids would have to get used to her. But since they aren't, it just seems unnecessary.
Oh well, I am tired of talking about it. He will do what ever he will do.
Fun day at preschool this morning. We had an apple taste-test and the kids got to vote their favorite: red, green, or yellow. Tomorrow we paint/print with apples.
It's school picture day and the kids look adorable, of course. Nathan just lost his second tooth on Saturday night so now he has two missing teeth. Sydney came in to my room when she got here on the bus from daycare. She comes for p.m. preschool. I took her from her room for five minutes and changed her. Didn't want her getting her lunch on her picture sweater! Then I put a little lip gloss on her which totally made her day...tonight she has her first dance lesson ever...
F Then I put a little lip gloss on her which totally made her day...
My D16 shared with me this past summer when we were updating her makeup for the start of school, she remembers vividly the first time I put lip gloss on her. She described it so beautifully I almost wept.
We have impact in ways we overlook in all the tiny things.
Hugs Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I can see what you are saying.. so perhaps that is a valid point? That you dont want him having woman around your kids, confusing them, if its not going to be a committed/marriage type R? I think though you didnt have a stipulation like this in your divorce, is that right? (like Erin Woods did!).
I still think all this texting with him is unhealthy for you. Can you discourage the texts? Either ask him to stop doing it and phone if its important instead (or email) or just start ignoring the less important ones and dont respond, to teach him that he WONT get a response that way? You cant have any kind of proper, meaningful discussion by text message about such important matters as who gets to spend time with your children and what that means etc.
Rooting for you Bobbi, as always
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Well the convo re. ow not moving here/having her around the kids was done in person. I am going to avoid text confrontations of any sort. If he texts me something combative, I will just delete and move on. Better for my mental health!
I am home today, not feeling great. Going to go take a nap now, dr. appt this afternoon. Nathan went to school complaining of a sore throat. He has weird tonsils--they have tons of folds in them so they look big even when he isn't sick. I told his teacher to have the school nurse check him out and call me if they need me. Hard to believe with 3 ear tube surgeries they finally took out his adenoids but left the tonsils??
Just remember that Dan and SandyCay's XH are both donkeys.
Miserable Men!
That's right, they are.
I know your not feeling well Bobbi but I got to swing some wood at ya girlie!
I know I'm behind the 8 ball because I dont' get on everyday.
What Dan does is his business and what you do is yours. Wether it's money, women, cows, or you having hot monkey sex with a 25 year old.
That's what you need to tell him. Oh, he loooooves keeping you on the hook and (every other woman) too. Dan can't be quiet with himself and always needs drama in his life,,,, wether it's business or pleasure.... he loves drama..... Get your drama from Glee
Your to super foxy for that loser donkey! Can you imagine if your daughter or BF was married to someone like Dan. Time to be objective about him and what he does and most of all his character. He is what he is..... nothing more nothing less but not a man worthy of you.
It doesn't matter anymore.... it shouldn't.
In my situation, my EXH hates me so much but can't explain why.... but he needs to do that in order to JUSTIFY what he has done ..... very sad.
It's not about me... and the one truth my EXH told me was "you deserve better than me". I didn't believe him at the time but I deserve way more.
On a side note: Did you say cattle friend wanted you to get together or call or coffee without his wife? I'm to lazy to look back, but be careful.....
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
