Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Just thinking.

I had/have a huge problem with her girl friend. She isn't exactly someone I care for on any way. In fact my W's family all stated they didn't care for her either.

Her life style is not conducive to my morals. I W has been living her lifestyle the past year and it's not who she is.

Is it wrong of me to set the boundary telling her I don't want her in her life anymore?

She was the one telling W to hook up with OM.

I know my W has he own mind, but her GF has such a strong influence on her.

[v1olin]

Hey Gut,
at what point did you become friends with your w? Things are going well between my now, x-wife and I but I am confused as to where that is headed. We take care of each other when we are sick, we laugh together,text off and on, and also talk on the phone sometimes.

[v1olin]

Sorry for the hijack gr8!

Gr8, now do you see why I told you to give her some time a few months back? congrats

[gutwrenching]

at what point did you become friends with your w

That is tough to answer...keep in mind, we were living together and sleeping in same bed (though only sleeping) and still doing family activities with kids and faking it around all friends and co-workers.
There was the hatred stage when I exposed EA, then ignoring me and treating me bad stage till I stood up for myself, then we just kind of eased back into friends as it was easiest to co-exist that way and we have so much in common. My sitch had the "advantage" in some respects that it was a long-distance, phone/computer EA...
So I'd say we became friends again in Feb or Mar. Just before piecing, although things were tense with upcoming separation, we drove across the country and as she said were good at taking care of each other and looking out for each other...we were good friends still...

[pookie69]

My W decided she was going to "try" a couple of times...and that was the word she used...she wasn't serious. She was confused and knew she shouldn't throw away the M but was still involved in EA and not committed. The "trying" didn't last long. This time she is committed and her actions show that along with the words this time.

I think there is distinction between "trying to try" and "being committed to try".

You can say "I will try to work on the R", but there has to be a commitment to do so.

[TimeHeals]

think there is distinction between "trying to try" and "being committed to try".

"Do, or do not. There is no Try" -- Master Yoda.


Seriously, you're either all in, or you're not. Now, I can see taking things slowly, but when the word "try" comes up, what I see is "Well, I hung out with you, and I don't feel what I was hoping to feel".

It tells me they don't feel it.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Gr8, now do you see why I told you to give her some time a few months back? congrats

Good to see you again. I feel it's bitter sweet though.

I did give her time, however her time was not used "thinking" it was used as and opportunity to sleep with someone else.

This is going to be hard to overcome.

I don't know if she has the strength or courage to tell me.

No prob with the hijack, if it helps then I'm glad.

[pookie69]

"Do, or do not. There is no Try" -- Master Yoda.

You can say "I will commit to work on trying to fix R"

There is the try factor. They will always use that word. We have to put it in the right place for them to be acceptable and clear that there may be no success at the end.

[v1olin]

Wow, thanks for the quick response Gut! Your timeline sounds similar to mine. My ex's EA became long distance when the guy moved overseas with his wife and kids. Our friendship started to get stronger back in the spring.

[TimeHeals]

They will always use that word

My W doesn't use that word anymore, and she's wearing her rings.

When she used that word, she wasn't serious, and she wasn't feeling it.