I am opened to R talk but the one thing bothering me is her approach to the conversation yesterday.
She opened with "Mutual Friend gave me the hard sale this morning"
Her reply was her mom told her to go back.
Other people telling you what to do won't work.
I would not worry about that too much. The fog has just lifted, she is feeling a little confused. She wants to come back but has not found her own reasons for it yet.
You have the opportunity to lead here.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
I need to know she's doing it for the right reasons.
She has to show me she's willing to do the work.
She need to show me she can be happy.
Again, lead the way. You are in control now. Let her sweat a little for what she has done to you and the R.
Be polite and nice. Use the wisdon you have gained here to your advantage. Show that you have a different view on the R and you do not accept the old ways.
Be exciting interesting and attractive. She will soon find her own reasons and she will tell you.
It sounds insane that she's out there making large purchases during these times.
Detaching is the BEST thing you can do. Once I got to that point I started to find myself again and be happy.
I know I will be tested, I will be tesing her too.
I thought I gave her a soft rejection yesterday and she back down. This shows me she's not ready to do the work.
She failed test one.
Test two will be coming soon if she decides to contact me to meet or talk again.
Continuing to work on myself.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I would not worry about that too much. The fog has just lifted, she is feeling a little confused. She wants to come back but has not found her own reasons for it yet.
1.Agree here, she is definitely still confused and uncertain. 2. I know what she wants. She wants to feel I am attracted to her physically. Being in a sexless M, She thinks it was her appearance that I wasn't attracted to. My health issues and had a big part to do with this.
Quote:
Again, lead the way. You are in control now. Let her sweat a little for what she has done to you and the R.
I do feel in control.I am in control of my emotions and my life. I will lead when it is needed for me to do so.
Quote:
Be exciting interesting and attractive.
But of course!
PiNhead MF means mutual friend.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
It sounds insane that she's out there making large purchases during these times.
Detaching is the BEST thing you can do. Once I got to that point I started to find myself again and be happy.
Insane or not, she's got her own money. It's her own risk.
I have detached short of physically leaving. Things took a 180 swing after months of "letting her go" and finally confirming that I will move out.
What I see now is her way of pursuing. She is making all these plans to hang out with family and "normalizing" the R like nothing is wrong. Buying the new car is just another way. I won't be surprised if the next thing is to start planning for winter vacation.
I have no business of criticizing her for any of it. I am suppose to be detached and not involved. What bothers me right now is that she may have not taken me seriously enough when I said that I would really leave her. Or maybe it did sink in and she is trying to down play it and watch my reaction. I have reamined calm and cool about it. No enthusiasm, but no resentment.
Sooner or later she would have to explain herself and that's where the next phase will start.
Review Gutwrenching and Futureunknowns threads about what works at this stage.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks for the call Coach. I was in pieceing forum but couldn't find too much.
Coach, do you know the titles of their threads?
Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 09/21/1003:37 PM.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
coach had given me your sitch to reference. I got the call yesterday from W that she want to be with me.
I have completely detached and we even went to mediation this past weekend.
My mind frame was that I was moving on with my life and was looking to start dating again.
I am open to talks. First, I need to know that she is wanting to return for the right reasons.
Not b/c her family or friends influenced her or she has regrets or financial stress or the kids.
the second item is that even though she left and there wasn't an A going on, I know she has slpet with someone else. She does not know I know this.
Yesterday I told her she needs to find what makes her happy. I am not attractive to unhappy, negative people.
How should I proceed?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
