Letting My Guard Down

[Coach]

Numb, like I just took a billion steps backwards.

I've told you a million times don't exaggerate!

Just another bomb dropped on your journey. You see the good in the world and in people. It's not a weakness. You can handle it.

Cheers

[Puppy Dog Tails]

From 32,000 feet (on my way to visit my folks), I am SOOO sorry, 13. I wish you would kept us posted, maybe we could have helped you keep your guard up.

(((((hugs)))) -- and PRAYERS!!!!

Puppy

[TimeHeals]

I've told you a million times don't exaggerate!

Oh, it has to be far more than that: at least a gazillion times!

This is a mortifyingly gigantical problem!

[soleil]

((( Serenity )))

You will be FINE. Know that.

[Serenity13]

(((((Friends))))

Thank you everyone who responded...Thanks for the hugs (Rob - I know you aren't an "internet hugger" so it is always brings a smile to my face when I see that from you) and the prayers.

I sat here (not literally) yesterday, last night and the majority of today just reflecting over the past 19 months and I see how far I have come from that fateful day he confessed, to the day I found this site.

I thought back to the ones who have stood by me from day one - You know who you are - The ones who were here when I was still self-injuring, a bi-polar mess swallowing 5 pills a day to get through life, when I was suicidal, when I hit rock bottom and had no choice but to rise...

And rise I did...Higher than I ever thought possible...

Off all meds, a calling I never expected, wanted nor desired yet more excited about that I ever thought I could be...

And as I thought, I remembered all the advice, the words of wisdom and yes some words even said in frustration...

I said to myself, "You can continue to rise and move forward or you can let him knock you down again"

I can allow him to set me back a billion steps - (Thank you Coach for showing me how dramatic that statement was) or I can continue to focus on what I have been called to do...

So while it stings and it was done in a cruel way and yes I am still numb, I choose to continue to walk forward.

I choose to not allow him to rule my emotions and I choose to not allow him to be the deciding factor on whether I am happy or not.

I choose to be the best mother, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, student & (eventually) Pastor (in combat boots Puppy) that I can be and no one will take that from me ever again.

(I feel like I should throw a Mother Effer in there...But I won't)

I choose to treat people the way I want to be treated, I choose not to disrespect him no matter how low he sinks...

I choose to live and be happy regardless of his choices.

In the end, I can sleep at night knowing I did everything I could to save my marriage and sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

(((((Hugs))))

[KellBell0820]

I haven't been here long and don't really know you, but (((hugs))). You'll be ok, just like you said, you'll rise above it.

[Serenity13]

(((Kell)))

As much as I hate to see new people come to this place, I welcome them as well.

You will find healing here, if you are open and not to stubborn.

[Serenity13]

Pup~

First, I am honored you would respond from 32,000 feet up!

As for keeping you all posted, everything was basically the same crap...

Mean, nice, mean, nice...

Then all nice and I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket so I didn't say anything...

I wanted to see if it was possible that he actually had true remorse for what he has done.

I got my answer, painful, however now I truly know...

My guard is up tight as Ft. Knox.

Have a safe flight and a wonderful visit.

(((Hugs)))

[rockedworld]

My dear sister (((Serenity)))

You know I have so much respect for you and the integrity with which you have walked your painful journey. The way you continue to rise above and find a place of peace and even joy despite all you have faced... true inspiration.

You are going to be more than fine. You are going to do more than rise above... you are going to soar!

And you know I am hear for you... always. (((hugs)))

[Serenity13]

((((Rocked))))

Thank you for your kind words my dear sister... You know I have the same respect and inspiration for you as well and I will continue to do so.

We will soar...Not just me, you as well.

((((Hugs))))