I know you're not being difficult with her. This just happens to be an area in which I have a great deal of experience so I wanted to let you know of another common basis for this behavior. (Judges tend to be very jaded about this anxiety and just rip the band-aid off, though.) However, without meeting the parties, etc. there is now way for me to have a clue what is really going on with her.
I finally got my wife to spew last night so I am particularly drained today. It caused me to let go of my anger which immediately caused the hurt and missing her to well up. It just sucks.
I read somewhere that we habituate to good things rather quickly and to bad things rather slowly, and our expectations reflect this.
For example, one might imagine winning the lottery would make them happy, and if they actually win the lottery, it does make them happy ... for a very short time. Very quickly our expectation about being happy will shift back to our "normal".
When things are bad, on the other hand, we tend to expect things to remain bad for longer than they are likely to remain bad, and yet we tend to try to change these things more quickly if anything offers any kind of hope for change.
The "reality check" , as you put it, is that "No matter where you go, there you are" (Yogi Berra quote). If there's something fundamentally skewed about your perspective, it will tend to re-assert itself until you work through it.
This is why I ask folks that seem to be "stuck" with an expectation that they will always be unhappy to make those "gratitude lists". There are little excercises that can help shift our perspectives and bring them back into a healthier balance.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/16/1007:38 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
TH and MP, I appreciate you guys keeping up with my sitch. I feel pretty good now, no anger or sadness about the W it has shifted to the kids now. I just cant imagine how she has built a wall around my kids thinking these actions benefit them by not seeing me?
They do act like this. You can pretty much fit into the zone that loosely defines "normal" and have a highly skewed perception.
There are perfectly "normal" people who go to work, pay their taxes, observe most of the laws (I am excluding traffic laws because the idea that one must follow them is very flexible in most of our minds and dependent on things like whether or not we are in a hurry or are being mindfully observant), and yet they have perspectives that aren't making them happy at all because their perception is so skewed, and yet they do nothing that is likely to correct it (because it is "normal" for them), or they impulsivly do things to try to correct it that just aren't likely to work out very well.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I just need to keep up the PMA and get over this hump. like you said earlier. If the kids dont see me here and there for a short period of time it will not kill them.
Miranda rights are only used in a criminal case not civil. Trust me i see your point, but my email states she is using the kids as property, which the judge will not be thrilled with. The court looks out for the best interest of the children, and keeping them from a Father who has done nothing to harm or endager their children will not look good, again my opinion.
My kids need to see me, and I will do what it takes to make that happen, within my rights of course.
Have you picked them up and kept them for a few days yet, nothing is stopping you. Your wife is apparently capable of doing it, nothing stops her, you are capable also, let her know that you're picking up the kids and just do it. Pussyfooting around with emails & texts will not get the job done.
Call her, "wife, I'm picking up the kids today after school, they will be with me today, tomorrow and saturday, I'll drop them off Sunday at noon."
I just need to keep up the PMA and get over this hump. like you said earlier. If the kids dont see me here and there for a short period of time it will not kill them.
I get it, the issue is D is always with the W, I could just pick S up from school. When W goes to daycare for work D is with her, SO I guess I can just pick up S and tell her I am doing so.
The thing I worry about is if you don't handle this (calmly), that you are going to go to mediation, and the precedence is that you never spend time with your kids.
Good job on getting the L. I think you are just going to have to stop waiting on permission from your W to see your kids because that doesn't seem to be working out too well, eh?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
