Looking for advice, WAW

[Sliver]

She ordered my son a Halloween costume ... When it arrived, I opened the box only to find 2 other adult male costumes. Not sexual or anything, but costumes for someone else ...

I apologized to her, but was more pissed at myself for getting mad. That's not exactly a good example of letting her go.

Let me get this straight.

She had something for her paramour delivered to YOUR house where YOUR children live and you are apologizing to HER?

There is letting go, and then there is being a friggin door mat.

It is time for Puppy’s lesson on boundaries.

[sandi2]

but costumes for someone else I can only assume.

How do you know it wasn't for you and her? What did she say?

Either way, you failed that test. Letting go......what would you have said or done--or not done if this had been a cousin of yours, or a co-worker, or anybody on earth except your W?

[looking2keepmywf]

What an idiot I am. I asked her this morning about the other costumes, and it turns out that they screwed up and shipped somebody else's order with it. It says right on the label that it was supposed to ship to someone in Puerto Rico!

So, I got all bent out of shape for nothing. Lesson learned here.

We had a good talk this morning about schedules for us individually, and the kids. Also talked about timing of selling the house - waiting until Spring to increase our chances of selling, getting it in shape to sell, and also minimizing the disruption to the kids - especially our HS senior. It was a very civil, intelligent, matter of fact conversation. One step at a time, and one day at a time.

[Grocerykartman]

Let me tell you looking, and I probably don't need to, this isn't the last of the things you're going to find that will infuriate you. It will likely get worse, though I hope not for your sake. How did she react to you? And how were you "not very pleasant", if I may ask?

[Grocerykartman]

Sorry, I failed to see some of the earlier posts.

[looking2keepmywf]

Thanks for the words of wisdom again Grocerkartman. I'm sure it will be tough, but right now at least we can communicate without shouting at each other and are logically trying to work this out. Even if it is headed for divorce - which is not what I wanted. But I have learned that setting her free, letting her go is the best way to go at this point. I cannot force her to love me.

[looking2keepmywf]

So, part of my healing process has been talking with my family. My brother already knows of my sitch, and now my sister (who lives nearby) does too. Everyone I've told is just shocked. They all say the same thing - I thought you two were perfect for each other and everything was great. Obviously, they don't see what goes on at home, and see us everyday, but it certainly was a big surprise to everyone who has found out.

She has shown no signs of changing. She did talk to me today about some details of her most ferocious obsession - our baseball team. Went on about so and so hit home runs, etc. Like I care. I like the team, but my mind hasn't been into it lately. Hmm, I wonder why.

I mentioned I told my sister today. I didn't show any signs of being sad. It was here's what's happened, here's what our plan is, I will likely need your help, and in general a good conversation. Last night wasn't so good for me (major sadness), but no one else in the house knew a thing.

I am really working hard to stay steady and positive with the kids, and minimize my interaction with the STBXW, and keep my sad times to myself. Maybe that's not the way I should be handling it, but that's how it's been for the past few days.

[looking2keepmywf]

Oh, and I just got my DB book today. Yay. And, picked up 3 books on D from the library. Now, I will be able to read at night and keep focused on the tasks at hand.

[looking2keepmywf]

I do travel for my job, but haven't been traveling much lately. My WAW goes out of her way to do things to keep busy with her friends to ensure she is not here when I am here - even when the kids are here. Like tonight, she is going to the movies with one of her girlfriends - or at least that's what she told my D and I.

[looking2keepmywf]

My wife has always been a planner. She now has managed to plan just about the entire weekend away from me. Tonight, she's taking my D's to dinner with a gf, then hanging with her gf to watch the game afterwards - won't be home until late.

Tomorrow morning she's going to one of my D's activities and won't be back until I am at my sister's house with my S. Then's she's going to our friend's party without me (which is definitely better since there will be lots of drinking) and staying over (which is good - no driving). We have about 2 hours planned together with my son on Sunday for an activity that's been planned for months, then I'm going to the football game.

I know I need to give her space and let her go. But, this just pisses me off. She doesn't know that I am mad at all. I haven't been negative at all - mostly just OK's and normal logistics discussion.

Somebody please talk to me and tell me if I am off base to be feeling this way. I could use some encouragement right now.