Although I have not posted on your thread and haven't caught up on your sitch yet, I agree with Coach & TH...time to get a L ASAP. In fact, I would suggest retaining council before I would contact oc.
We were both pro per & when the ruling resulted in a 25/75 split, he retained a "super L" to represent him in a new hearing. In the time it took me to retain my L, his L was after me daily, wanting to engage in phone conferences, etc. I ignored them all.
Just a couple of things I learned so far in the process;
-Mind what you say in any e-mail exchange, they can & probably will be used against you if it helps their case.
-Providing a log/calendar of times/events & any pertinent details means a great deal. I kept a separate calendar & just recorded the times of pick up & drop off, etc. in the box.
-Be prepared...research the process so you know what to expect. If the Judge has to decide, they will more than likely go with what the mediator recommends. The mediator typically makes a recommendation based on precedence. That's why it's so important to create & stick to a schedule that's close to what you're asking for, as the oc will claim you weren't that interested.
We obviously cannot come to an agreement. Any further communications need to go through my attorney. Please do not contact me again. If you would like to set up some temporary visitation arrangements before Oct. hearing you can do so with my attorney. I will pick up S every day until the hearing unless other arrangements have been made through my attorney.
My response was this: please forward your attorneys info, glad you have the kids best interest in mind.
Yes I could have left the last sentence out, but here we go with another power play on her part using the kids. She makes me sick, I am really upset right now.
Seriously I would have wrote her back this:
"...Without a formal custody agreement in place, you can not legally stop me from seeing my kids or stop me from having them at my place, until a formal custody agreement is in place you can assume I will take them 50% of the time. No court has given you 100% custody of my children and no court has given you the authority to grant me "temporary visitation" as you see fit when it's suitable to you & your schedule. What you have you just attempted to offer me is illegal, contact your lawyer if you refute my claims. I am and will always be their father and it is in the children's best interests to have BOTH parents in their lives, not just a mother who works 2 jobs and lets the kids live in daycare most of the time - this type of parenting is not in the children's best interests. Keeping the children away from me is illegal when there is no custody agreement in place.
I will also remind you that the courts decided in my favor the last time we went through this process. Until a custody agreement is in place expect me to pick up my children on these days of the week from now on (xxx...) from now.
FYI I showed up at the first hearing that you decided to NOT show up for, I'm trying to move on with my life and I'm not holding back this d process, you are and I have no idea why since you filed for divorce.
As for your email about why I am shoving you away and why I don't want to have a personal relationship with you, is there any wonder why I wouldn't want to be friends with you? You are continuously controlling & manipulative, what kind of person would willingly keep their kids away from their father? I don't think I've been going out of my way to deny you access to the kids, how would you feel if this was done to you.
I get to choose who I'm friends with and I have pretty high standards when it comes to the types of friends I have, I don't have any friends who have treated me as poorly as you have and that is why I don't want to have a "personal" relationship with you so please stop pushing that issue on me.
I advise you to contact your lawyer and let him know that you are purposely keeping the children away from me when I have asked repeatedly for shared custody and ask him if you have the legal right to do this, I think you will find out your answer soon enough.
The children will be with BOTH of us from now on, if you need me to work on a schedule that assists with your work shifts, so be it, I can be flexible but I won't tolerate continuing with literally no access to my children."
Still waitin to here from my L, I will get him retained and ask him to contact W's L.
Robx, in TX a parent technically can keep the kids from the other parent without any criminal violation. I have dealt with many custody issues, and the "cops" wont get involved unless a judge orders them to. I could show up to S school to pick him up at the same time as W, but I dont want any drama at his school, in front of him or anything like that. I did like your post, but I dont want to send her another email, I will do as she wished, and let the L's deal with it. i still dont think she is delaying the D, I believe it was delayed because of the case log. In any case, I am still somewhat fumed right now, and will only contact her by phone going forward and only when it is kid related before bed will be the phone call she will get and I will only talk to the kids.
In a way, i look at the brighter side, her email this morning, gave me more of a reason to further detaching and also re enforced what i dont like about her.
I feel the whole friend thing, whether they want to be with you or not, is to keep a piece of you in their back pocket, to pull out that piece of you when they need it.
Lets see how this goes for her going forward, "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it" keeps going through my head right now for some reason
feel the whole friend thing, whether they want to be with you or not, is to keep a piece of you in their back pocket, to pull out that piece of you when they need it.
You never know. Maybe it's a test? Maybe they are having problems detaching too? You never know what other people are thinking and feeling... unless they tell you, and even then... you never know.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I have thought about that angle as well, but obviously it hasnt worked for me, so I have done more of the Robx approach, which I dont think I can change now. It will be looked at as me following into her control more, dont you think?
I really hate this for my kids, my S told me on the phone last night, he wants me to come over and see his toy box he painted. I laughed a bit and said I would see it soon. How can anyone use their kids like this? I do think she is having a little trouble detaching as well, but I am going to hand this over to a L, which since the postponement has given me the chance to bring one in actually. So maybe its a blessing in disguise.
I have done more of the Robx approach, which I dont think I can change now
Maybe I am missing something.
I don't think you should even want to be married to somebody who is bent on divorcing you
How is that different? Just because you say, "Look, I don't want THIS anymore either", doesn't mean you can't be nice and even charming, and being nice and charming doesn't mean you are going to roll over and not do what is best for you or reward bad behavior.
The beauty of detaching completely, loving your own life, being grateful for every moment you get and working for a better life for yourself and your kids is... it opens up all of the options.
She wants to be grumpy, and if it isn't affecting you personally, it stops bothering you.
I can see there is some issue about the kids to work out here, but... we kind of saw that coming with the comments about your former "bachelor pad" (she telegraphed that intention), and that's why folks told you to get another place... so... now what is the reason?
You need to explore all of your legal options here. If nothing else, an attorney will help assure that you don't shoot yourself in the foot on child custody issues.
She has been out ahead of you for a while. She had made up her mind to leave and take the kids long before you saw what her plan was.
The solution for the immediate situation is to understand this and be better prepared, I think.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/13/1009:55 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Her being pissy doesnt bother me, so that part im good. The fact she is using the kids as a tool, gets me enraged. I spoke with my L, and will get the ball rolling tomorrow as far as my time with the kids.
Yes she has been ahead of me for a while on this, even though the bomb came beginning of July, after a few talks with some friends over the past month, I think it goes back to the beginning of the year. So as I said, her actions push me further away from her, and I want to make sure I dont shoot myself in the foot in regards to the kids.
