We watched a double run of Master Chef and I needed some dessert.
As I was eating it in the bar she kept placing one dog after another on my lap.
betty crocker. lol.
i got a good one for you pookie, in the spirit of Betty and my favorite, Sir Christopher:
Quote:
"if Columbus in an island of America had not caught the disease, which poisons the source of generation, and often indeed prevents generation, we should not have chocolate and cochineal"
Sometimes you let players play. Sometimes you let the other coaches deal with them. Sometimes the silence does the trick. Sometimes you let them figure it out on their own. Sometimes the peer pressure from their teammates is enough. Sometimes I'm dealing with other things.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Sometimes you let players play. Sometimes you let the other coaches deal with them. Sometimes the silence does the trick. Sometimes you let them figure it out on their own. Sometimes the peer pressure from their teammates is enough. Sometimes I'm dealing with other things.
W came home on time Friday. She had a lot to talk about. Mostly work and what's been happening there. I listened very closely, offered my input when and where it was appropriate.
She grabbed her phone and started reading me texts and e-mails. Some of them were irrelevant to the conversation. It was weird, like she wanted to show me transparency which I have really never asked for.
It was a nice talk. We used to have them all the time before she clammed up.
When we were done talking she asked what kind of food I would like to have for dinner and added that she would like to have something spicy. I realized a hint and offered her two choices either of which I personally am not crazy about. She smiled and picked the one I am more fond of.
We had a good time, she enjoyed her meal.
Saturday morning we talked about the boiler replacement and she gave me the name of the contractor that someone recommended to her. I asked if she wanted me to take care of calling him and arrange everything. She said "Would you?" and I agreed.
Then her mom called. For some reason W felt that she needed some privacy and stepped outside on a deck. I did not hear what they were discussing except the very end. She came back in and said to her mom "So I will see you there."
I was almost certain that she would go out with her mom but it turned out not to be the case. Minutes after the phone call she asked me if I wanted to join them or had other plans. I said that I did not have plans and I would be happy to see her mom.
We had a great time. Her mom did not bring her date and her and I had a lot of catching up to do. We did most of the talking and although W was little left out she seemed happy to see her mom and I conversing and having a good time. It turned out to be great day. I got a hug and a kiss from her mom at the end and we mutually agreed that we have missed each other a lot. I have been let back into the family inner circle.
At times it was a bit bizarre to hear W talking. She referred to everything as ours, us, we, etc. There was a lot of talk about the house and the things "we" need to do. A quite a bit of talk about the future.
At one point she brought up the fact that I had told her about my car lease being over in 8 months. She did not mention that I had brought it up with context of leaving the state and possibly the country. She asked me what I was planning on getting next. I said that 8 months is long time away and that I have not thought that far. She continued on about "we, we, we". It was weird to hear after months of "me, me, mine".
So here I am now wondering again what is happening. Is all this niceness because I'm about to drop 5K on a new boiler? I know that is not characteristic of her. But actually I really don't care. I think I'm beyond that now.
I will stay my course but will keep checking the temperature.
W left in the morning to go to the store. She said that she needed to get some things. Came back with huge bags of groceries. Then she asked me to help her to clean up a bit. I realized that she is inviting people over but I did not ask any questions and she did not tell me anything.
I finished my cleaning job and went to watch TV while W was preparing stuff in the kitchen.
Soon her mother arrived and shortly after her partner.
The evening was wonderful. Everyone was in a good mood. There was no awkwardness or tension. W even joked that she does not remember when was the last time she cooked like that. I said that I have missed that alot and that her skills certainly have not rusted.
There was a lot of eye contact between W and I when everyone conversed. It felt like the days when everything was okay.
We played cards, listened to music and had a great time.
Again, I have no idea what's going on in here but I like it and I am observing it with caution.
W is happy, smiley, coming home on time, talking, calling (not texting).
She likes to "empty" herself every night by telling me everything that happened, everything she thinks and feels, what other people did, said, etc.
I have been doing active listening and found that it is not hard at all. I can see huge differences in her when she recognizes that I really am listening and I hear evrything. Sometimes that soes not require my reponse at all.
I am still on the path of moving out, but this has just been weirdly nice. Reminds me of how we were when we found each other.
P.S. had a romantic moment last night - performed heat loss caclulations for the boiler selection together.
Nothing unusual going on right now. Fixing the heating system has taken a high priority. I took the lead and got some bids and options to review.
I brought the info home and showed it to W. She is usually very opinionated and wants to have a final say on things. She is also as savvy as I when it comes to technical stuff and engineered systems.
She looked over the stuff and questioned the more expensive option that I was favoring. I was prepared to defend my position. Sometimes it leads to a debate which often is unnecessary. But this time it was different. She listened to me and did not butt in or start to challenge my position. She offered me her opinion but quickly added “Pookie I trust your judgment and expertise.” I said, “thanks, I’ve done my homework.” She said, “I’m sure you have. I have looked into it also and I was not sure if the more expensive option has the payback value.” I replied “I think it does.” She smiled and said “well, then we should go with that.”
Big investments and decisions have never been easy. She often tries to disagree and challenge my preferences. Talking about it results in her not really listening to me and pushing her way without reasoning. I often back off just because I don’t want to argue about it.
It is almost like she has gotten some coaching how to communicate effectively. I can’t describe how pleased I am right now how we interact and communicate. All these little things together add up to almost perfect R.
But the separation is still lingering in the background. I don’t know what her behavior really means and I should not try to figure it out. Ever since I told her that she is so much pleasant to be with and how I appreciate that she treats me with respect. At the same time I complimented her for being responsible and no longer behaving selfishly.
Everything I have worked hard on including my own behavior seems to be reflecting back. I feel confident and relaxed. I feel funny and I see that she likes to be with me. I feel attraction again.
I may be all wrong, but that’s the way it works now and I can’t complain. It is a total 180 from 4 months ago.
I hate the word “hope”, so I will keep doing what works and enjoy my own self in the process.
I hate the word “hope”, so I will keep doing what works and enjoy my own self in the process.
Because hope is the wrong word, use faith instead.
Comment on the behavior she is doing you like, reinforce the goodness. Followup with actions on your part.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Comment on the behavior she is doing you like, reinforce the goodness. Followup with actions on your part.
Actions - yes.
As I said after commenting the last time, she immediately continued to do everything I said I liked. It was like she wanted to prove me wrong from the old days when I "accused" her of being disrespectful, etc.
I also see that as validation. She keeps doing what I complimented her for, so she must feel good about it. And she is getting a reaction from me.
I showed her my ultimate respect by agreeing to let her go. I validated her feelings (or lack thereof) and said that I completely understand her.
She was perplexed how I carried on from that point. Old Pookie would have crawled into fetal position and started crying for sympathy as a victim in hopes that the quilt would be attractive to her. “I’m leaving you, look at me, I’m really leaving now! Do you see? Are you sure you want me to leave? I’m so heartbroken. I don’t know how to live without you, but see, see I am finally leaving….”
Thanks to you and others here I moved on. Minding my own business, taking a lead to fix the house in which I may not even live in. I told her that I have my integrity, respect and honor firmly in place and I will do what I think is right. No other motives or expectations.
My W has never been manipulative or mean. I do not believe that her behavior is due to the expensive gift I am giving her right now – the new state of the art heating system. I believe that the most expensive gift I just gave her is her freedom. What that means to her the time will tell. There can be love in it for both of us.
I’d like to think I am on the right path. If she follows she will give me back the most expensive gift she can – a new chapter in our lives.
