Then she said with a nervous joking tone "He obviously doesn't know the truth about me."
Let her know you haven't been spreading mess about her. "the only ones who I have talked to about our problems are _________________. Our problems are our problems. I will not let anyone run you down. If you are on my arm you walk with your head held high."
I sounds like she is looking for some safety.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I get that same feeling, that she's looking for safety. How can I give her that safety, while simultaneously allowing her to feel the consequences of her actions? My "nice guy" tendancies want to rescue her, but I'm making an effort to break away from all that.
My friends have all treated her with very much respect, so she has no real reason to assume they'll run her down, other than her own guilt.
I get that same feeling, that she's looking for safety. How can I give her that safety, while simultaneously allowing her to feel the consequences of her actions? My "nice guy" tendancies want to rescue her, but I'm making an effort to break away from all that.
My friends have all treated her with very much respect, so she has no real reason to assume they'll run her down, other than her own guilt.
Are you responsible for how she feels? Codependent.
I'm trying to figure out how to react when she shows me her guilt, if we are to reconcile (a BIG if).
You are wandering down the wrong road yet again...
This ALL has to do with her FEELINGS. She does NOT feel strong enough feelings for you. It has nothing to do with guilt. Guilt is the excuse. The reality is her feelings.
You continue to make a complicated issue out of something rather simple.. WHEN a woman has the right feelings for you she will help you move mountains, rob banks with you and follow you to the end of the earth..
When she DOES NOT have the right feelings, you get what your woman is giving you.. A CONSTANT RUN AROUND.
Until she feels dumped and until you can make her really really believe that she has waited TOO LONG.. (in other words NOW her guilt is REAL because it is TOO LATE) is as long as this is going to go on...
How sad to watch you struggle when the answer is right before you but you just don't have the self confidence to show her just HOW strong you really are... How sad..
You really don't need this woman. You should be out having the time of your life. You should be done posting on this site. You just don't seem to get it. You are heading on close to TWO YEARS on this site man.. Come on.. Man up. Get with the progam.. Enough is enough.. This isn't rocket science. She doesn't have the right feelings for you and NEVER will until YOU let her feel that you are done and it is over and now SHE can't have it back because it is YOU that doesn't want it... Wise up here.
Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My god, Future, have you learned NOTHING in your time on here????
I guess not, since I'm not sure what you mean. We currently have a disagreement as to our custody schedule. It needs to be resolved ASAP. Right now I literally do not know when we will be transitioning the kids. Before our argument she asked if we could get together to discuss it. When she called after our argument she again asked if we could get together to discuss it. What am I supposed to say? Refuse? That just encourages her to escalate to the legal system. Put her off? Why?
I'm through playing the games. She knows I have a life. I almost never answer her calls, I take hours or days to answer her texts and e-mails, and not because of a game, but because I'm busy. I never initiate contact except for kid issues, and I keep them to that. We were regularly meeting for lunch on Mondays all summer, so she knows my schedule is open then. I want to get this resolved, and if we can't come to an agreement, it's time for the lawyers to take over. I can't live like this anymore.
This ALL has to do with her FEELINGS. She does NOT feel strong enough feelings for you. It has nothing to do with guilt. Guilt is the excuse. The reality is her feelings.
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WHEN a woman has the right feelings for you she will help you move mountains, rob banks with you and follow you to the end of the earth.
Sure seemed like her feelings were very strong back then. She was all over me, calling me all the time, always wanted to be with me, was willing to walk into the unknown of my social group. It was HER insecurity that led to those comments by her. She wanted to impress me, wanted me to feel good being with her, and when my friend said that, it seemed to cause her to doubt herself, and she looked to me for something, and I wasn't sure what to do.
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You really don't need this woman. You should be out having the time of your life. You should be done posting on this site. You just don't seem to get it. You are heading on close to TWO YEARS on this site man.. Come on.. Man up. Get with the progam.. Enough is enough.. This isn't rocket science. She doesn't have the right feelings for you and NEVER will until YOU let her feel that you are done and it is over and now SHE can't have it back because it is YOU that doesn't want it... Wise up here.
No, I don't need her. I've been living my life for almost two years without her. I have a very active social life, I do a great job taking care of the kids. I stay on this site because I appreciate the advice of folks here. Unfortunately, because of my kids, I have to see my W all the time, keeping that relationship on some sort of life support. I journal what's happening for my own benefit. I've had periods when my interest moved to someone else, but they didn't pan out. Trust me, if and when I meet the right woman, I'll be done and not look back.
You are right, when she thought she lost me, that's when she really came after me. Very hard for me to make a game of it when my kids latched onto that with all they had, and hoped Mom and Dad were getting back together. They seem to have more influence on me than they do on her. Fact of life.
As for two years on this site, as long as I'm learning and growing, I have no problem with it. I'm realizing more and more how incredibly poor my marriage was, and how far I need to get before I'm in the right place to have a good marriage. If that takes two or more years, that's ok with me.
