It is so great that you are spending quality time with your kids. You are enjoying them, and I am sure they are having fun with you too.
That is too bad that the kids got into some posion Ivy, but it does happen. Kids will be kids. Don't worry about what your W says. I went thourgh the constant attitudes, and the W going off on tangents. Just keep focused on you and the kids, and you will be alright.
Definitely do not get defensive. You are approaching your sitch the right way. It is not easy for you I am sure. I know how it felt.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Yikes. I'm guessing all her browbeating helps with your detachment.
She sounds like she is just miserable.
She is miserable.
I have left her completely alone. No talks, I am happy with the kids and have agreed that we need to divorce. It is her decision. The lies keep catching up with her. That may be part of it or it may not. Not my problem any longer.
Like I said before, for a few days after she went to her L, things were relaxed and friendly. I did not persue at all, I agreed that we would not be able to move past this. She was texting and laughing and making jokes, etc. Then it all came to a screeching halt as it always does.
I am not moving as fast as I should be as far as the D papers, I know. Last night, she made supper and had a meeting at school that she "forgot" to tell me about. She filled me in on our son's medicine for his poison ivy, when to give it to him and how much, I told her thanks for supper and she left. She was home by 9:00, which is early for her. Not reading anything into that since I let it slip a while back that I was making notes about how late she stayed out. Can't take that back.
I have to face the music and so does she. I don't let her lie to me anymore. I don't immediately answer her texts and that really pisses her off. I don't want to push things but I know that is what needs to happen. That's why I basically journal here now: I have my answers. No one can make me or talk me into doing what I know I should do.
The house across from my parents fell through. Oh, well, that would have made things too simple. I do have a couple of other leads that should be affordable. That is, if we can sell our house.
W told me last week that she didn't want the house and that I could have it and not have to buy her out. With what she is entitled to for CS and so forth, it would be really tough to swing it. I told her last night that I didn't want the house and that I will contact some real estate agents and get it listed asap. She said nothing in return, which is the norm, again. NBD.
Boys basketball starts this week. They are so excited. Our little towns homecoming is this weekend and D6 is one of the princess contestants. She can't wait to ride on the float in her new, pretty dress. She doesn't care at all if she wins. She just loves getting dressed up. She will have a great time.
Still scared. Still moving forward, but probably not fast enough.
Sorry to hear about the house IDU. I'm in the middle of trying to decide if I should keep our house and be house poor or try to start over again too. There isn't enough equity to have a decent down payment for a new place.
Glad to her your kids are excited about their events. That is good for them and you too. Be excited with them.
It's great to be going through this at this particular time in history, isn't it? It's pretty easy to find a house that I can afford, but selling ours is far from a sure thing. I hate to give up 7 acres of land and all the fun that comes along with all of that room; 4-wheelers, big garden, 5 acres of woods with paths cut through out, tree houses, etc. I hate to give up my M, too.
We're not just letting go of the M, we're letting go of our way of life. She will have to get used to it too, I know.
I think in the beginning, the kids will think it's fun to go from house to house. It's new and exciting. Have to make it as smooth as possible.
I am very excited about the kids' events. I love them and love being around them, that will NEVER change. You wouldn't believe how excited my daughter is! With having 3 brothers, you would think she would be a tom boy. Not at all. She is 100% sweet, tender little girl.
I am moving forward. I can still feel the fear inside like dull pressure that occasionally sets off the pressure relief valve. I never do it in front of her.
Like we hear all the time; it will be a different life. Better in some ways. It just takes time to absorb it all.
I feel for you so much. It would be difficult to give up such a nice property that you and the kids enjoy so much. You are right that your W will have to make some big changes too. Maybe she will see that before it is too late.
You are right that you have to what is best for the kids, and I know you will. It will be difficult on them. I know that my kids are going to experience this more as time goes on.
I know you have fear, but fear can be replaced with other emotions such as peace or relief.
I have some of those, but I still miss the little ones and even her from time to time. I wish I did not, but I cannot shut out my feelings. Time will help me to do that I believe. It will help you too.
It will be better in someways, and it will take time to see that.
You will be okay no matter what.
You are doing great, and I hope nothing but happiness for you.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
All those feelings are natural. Kind of like starting a new job - you know you can do it, but you don't know what it will be like, or if you will be as comfortable as you were in your last job.
Then after 2 weeks you are settled in, making new contacts, getting things done, and you realize you can be a star at your new job too. Then you wonder why you were so worried and lacking confidence.
My biggest problem is that you can't make a clean break when kids are involved. You will have to deal with your ex as much as you do now, just from a separate household. It will always be an annoying interference with any new relationship you enter in to. But that's just reality and nothing can be done about it, so you just have to do the best you can. Accept the burden and leave the rest to God.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Found out last night that W has enrolled S4 in pre-school. We had talked about doing it but the school that our D went to discontinued their pre-K program because of the state budget mess. They got some funding and are starting it up next week. She took him to orientation last night. After I finished homework, supper and showers, I played with the other three kids for a while. She got home right at bedtime. I asked her what was going on with the pre-K thing and she said he was going starting next week, tues. thru fri. I simply said, okay.
I also found some prices on houses on the note pad by the phone. It really bothered me for about 5 min. I have been looking myself. I want her out. What's the big deal? I do know from the prices she had wrote down that there is no way on earth she will be able to afford any of them. More fantasy? IDK. They are all more than what we gave for our house and land years ago. Maybe her mom and dad will buy her a house. Good for them. It's out of my control.
I haven't asked if she got a new job since our talk on Thurs. She had a chance to get her old job back at the Dr. office she used to work at. She was really going back and forth about it for a while. Who would get the kids off the bus? Who would get them on the bus? On and on. If she moves close enough to her parents, I guess they would do it all. They would basically be raising our kids. Again, it's out of my control. If that's what she wants, that's how it will be on the days that she has them. On my days, I can get them on the bus and off to school but have to rely on someone else to get them off.
I realize this is all her choice. Even with 50-50 custody, things will be difficult at best. I have to make the best of it for the kids and for me.
BTW, I think I am leaning toward trying to sell the house. It will be difficult to sell. Why should I take all of the financial hit if she signs it over to me and I can't make the payments or pay the taxes? Not really sure what to do. So many things to figure out and she seems to think it will be so easy.
They really are way ahead on the detachment curve, aren't they? I have to let her face the consequences and not rescue her. This won't be easy even if we both agree on everything. Not easy at all.
