A new beginning to an end

[ImprovedRomeo]

With MC Hammer's "Can't touch this" playing in the background. Ha!

I'm sure you would've changed "your tune" after the martinis

[soleil]

^ LOL.

My L is filing a motion today for court. So now the house and support issues will be up to the judge to decide. I am kind of antsy/worried about this. I vacillate over whether to sign the house over to H or not and be done with it. I found that house. So...the future of us post-marriage will be left in the hands of a judge. My L says he doubts the judge will rule that I have to pay on the mortgage. I am very curious as to how he will rule. I remember picking H up to drive and go see it after months of house shopping. He said, This looks like it could be pretty good, Sol. And now... well you know the rest.

Am off to a wedding tonight. One of my best girlfriends is tying the knot. This couple was at my wedding, too. Thank God for an open bar.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol, has your L made a settlement offer to the opposing counsel on your behalf like we talked about yesterday? i.e. you can sign the house over if you get xyz. If you have then the judge should take into consideration your needs/wants too.

Typically filing a motion will usually result in him settling with you before the matter goes in front of the judge unless he's pretty sure he can get the judge to decide in his favor or he just wants to play chicken.

[sandycay]

I don't know if this has been covered or not and I read your thread from time to time but:

My EXH deeded the house to me but his name is still on the mortgage so he is still as responsible as ever if I default on the morgtage. It was a gamble he took. So if your name is on the bank morgtage deeding the house over will NOT release you from that liability.. not by mortgage company anyways. He would need to refinance in his name to have that happen.

[soleil]

Sol, has your L made a settlement offer to the opposing counsel on your behalf like we talked about yesterday? i.e. you can sign the house over if you get xyz. If you have then the judge should take into consideration your needs/wants too.

I sent my L an email saying this. That way when we go to court, it will be in writing for the the judge's consideration.

Now we'll see what happens.

[soleil]

So if your name is on the bank morgtage deeding the house over will NOT release you from that liability.. not by mortgage company anyways.

Hey Sandy.
My name is not on the mortgage, only his is. But we are both on the deed.

Journaling:
I had great fun at the wedding on Friday. It was so nice and a couple of people asked me about J and I told them we are getting a D. It's funny bc one friend asked me "How is marriage going?" and I told her and she seemed more uncomfortable than I did when I responded! It gave me a little chuckle. I only said "We are separated and getting a D. But we had 7 wonderful years together." I will not slam him. I think it's better this way.

Had a lab for school yesterday morning and was telling my (cute) lab partner how I'd been to a wedding the night before. He says, "I don't know why people get married. I got D'ed 2 years ago and highly doubt I'd ever do it again." More chuckles. LOL.

Saw my IC. Perfect timing since I had a lot on my mind. I think I will look into depression meds. It was so nice talking to IC.

So remember how I told you guys that Monday morning of last week when I was having an awful time, I texted H?

My text:

Morning H. I do not want this D. This has been a crazy past year but I don't feel it's enough to throw away all of our years together. I still love you and know you still love me. If this is what you truly want then I'd rather see you happy & alone or happy with someone else & not be unhappy w/ me. I feel that we're making a mistake despite hurting eachother a lot. This is not what I want but I do want you to be happy and if you are happier without our M, then I respect that although I don't agree with it. I love you so much that I am willing to see you go if that's what makes you happiest.

What do you guys think of that text? Five days go by with no response and at the wedding Fri night I check my texts and he writes:

You may be right. This is living well. Life is to f-ck up.



?

I did not respond (and don't plan to). Your interpretations are welcome.

I don't know why but in my bones, in my core, I feel that he is seeing someone, though he has said he is not over and over again. Maybe it's the 23 year old club girl?

Huge party at my parents' house today for the holiday. Looking forward to that.

[brenalim]

My interpretation... Your H is as big a jerk as mine. I don't know how long your into this whole process Sol, but been there, done that. Now I look back at myself and just want to beat the crap out of myself for pleading for him to come back to me.

"you may be right" means that he's happiest gone.
"This is living well" means he's having a gay old time without commitment.
"Life is to f-ck up" means he wants to f-ck up and deal with the consequences later.

YOU DESERVE BETTER!! Make a new life for yourself without this A-hole! In fact, join me in my plans for freedom! New Years in NY, Mardi Gras in February, and some place in Europe next summer.

Keep yourself busy with things that make you happy. You deserve better than the way this guy is treating you. Learn from this experience.

FYI - my H told me AGAIN this morning he's not involved with OW anymore... Dumb a$$ left his e-mail open on the computer AGAIN and they're planning to move in together. signing off "I love you"

No matter what he says, no matter what you WANT to believe, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Don't let yourself be taken for a ride like me.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol, glad to hear you had a good time at the wedding. See you're making great progress...you could talk about your sitch without much trouble. That's a good sign!

I won't even bother mind-reading the greek he wrote. He wants you to feel more confused that's my take on it. He likes playing these games. If he has something to say why not be a man and say it without mincing words. But it doesn't matter what he says or does anyway...they're liars and even in the book Michele says 'don't believe anything they say and only half of what they do' - that says you something right there.

Also as I've said before Sun who cares what he does in his life? it changes nothing for you. You have to focus on your life from here on out. They're one messed up kind of people who do horrible things and yes seeing other people is not too far fetched to expect from them. But you can't tell him how he should live his life just like he can't tell you how you should live yours! So don't torture yourself by worrying about things you can't control. Make your life comfortable and fun for you. That should be your priority.

Now on to more important things...

A cute lab partner who's been divorced? care to ellaborate? I'm wondering if someone's been keeping secrets!

What are you studying btw? I mean in class not in the lab

And yes I don't think I'll get married again either...but you know...I like to think I'm flexible enough that for the right person/reasons I might. I don't want to come out of this so jaded that I can't see another woman without doubting her.

Enjoy your party!

[whatisis]

I think H's message is "whatever you say, just leave me alone and let me screw up my life" So, do it. Leave him be, you've said your piece (I think we all do at some point) and now you need to let it go. Somehow in our brains we seem to think that if we just find the right words a light will go on in the spouses head and they'll say "Holy sh!t, what have I been thinking!" and realize the error of their ways...uh uh, never happens. I remember writing my wife a letter at one point, sure she cried but it didn't change a damn thing but I felt that at least I'd said what I needed to say, so have you.
Btw, sounds like you handled the wedding situation incredibly well. You are absolutely right not to bad mouth your spouse to others, it's the right thing to do. What happened is nobody's business except those you are closest to. Good job.

[ClingingToHope]

Somehow in our brains we seem to think that if we just find the right words a light will go on in the spouses head and they'll say "Holy sh!t, what have I been thinking!"

Bingo. Me exactly. We're all like this.