Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

Hi G.

That's good advice, and I'll heed it. It's slow going, but there has been some movement over the last month or so.

[antlers]

Hey IR,

I agree with him too! I'm pretty much doing what he says.

Riding my bicycle has been a Godsend for me. I started riding in May of 2009, and have progressed with longer and longer rides until I basically became an endurance athlete. This is the second year in a row that I did the Hotter 'N Hell 100. And again, same as last year, I did stop at the beer joint at mile 98 for free beers and hotlinks!

Well, despite your 'near miss', I hope riding is as medicinal for you as it is for me.

[CityGirl]

When things are very damaged slow going is the best way.

Like you said, for a good part of your life (therefore I surmise for most of your daughter's life) you said you were very controlling. Just like it took you a long time to acknowledge and address the issue it will take a long time for you daughter to really believe it.

Slow progress is good but it has to be at her pace. Allow her to explore the new you so she can see for yourself things have changed!

[antlers]

Mediation is set for September 14th. I'm not looking forward to it, but we gotta do it. Hopefully we can avoid a trial.

Still going slow with my daughters. Some texting between us. Son and I are still doing OK.

[soleil]

Hey Antlers,

Glad to hear you are doing well. Exercising is such a great thing. I don't bike but I do some spinning classes and they definitely help out (mind, body).

Mediation will be here for you know. Another step in the process.

[antlers]

Hi soleil. I'm doin' alright under the circumstances. I like the endorphins I get from endurance activities...I like to let them bathe my gray matter.

Mediation...here's some stuff off of Smiley's thread that I found interesting...

"Maximize any leverage you have. These women tend to be transactional in their relationships, so you might want to find something to withhold from her in order to get a more equitable outcome. Also, stop being so damned reasonable. Being fair and reasonable doesn’t compute for this type of individual. When you’re generous and give away more than you’re obligated, she sees it as a greenlight to push for even more. She doesn’t think, “Wow, he’s being so generous. I’ll take it.” She thinks, “Sucker. I’ll bet I can get even more if he’s willing to agree to this.”

You are probably a very nice guy and want to be seen as a nice, reasonable guy. She knows this and is working you. The reality is that no matter what you do, your ex thinks you’re a jerk. When you’re reasonable or make concessions to her demands, she thinks you’re a stupid jerk. No matter what you do, she’s going to see you as the bad guy, so do what you need to do protect your best interests. High-conflict people/bullies only respect people who push back hard. Don’t sink to her level, but it may be time to play hardball, which is also probably best handled by your attorney."

[antlers]

When things are very damaged slow going is the best way.

Like you said, for a good part of your life (therefore I surmise for most of your daughter's life) you said you were very controlling. Just like it took you a long time to acknowledge and address the issue it will take a long time for you daughter to really believe it.

Slow progress is good but it has to be at her pace. Allow her to explore the new you so she can see for yourself things have changed!

Hi CityGirl.

I agree. Slow and steady wins the race.

You are correct, and I totally agree.

Agreed. That is the best way.


ps - I always enjoy your posts and responses. They are down to earth and rock solid. Thanks.

[antlers]

Mediation on Tuesday. Her attorney made it clear that he's gonna be there...so my attorney plans on being there. I requested seperate rooms for the mediation, and my attorney will request seperate rooms also. My attorney said the GAL report suggested that my son be with me, and my daughter be with her mother. The division of assets is gonna be a big deal, as are the custody issues. I absolutely hate this crap...but I gotta go through it. I have felt a tremendous amount of stress in the months leading up to the trial/mediation/divorce.

[soleil]

Good idea on having your L there tomorrow, Antlers.

I agree with the poster who told you not to be a martyr and generous. Be fair but don't give your left arm up either. LOL.

It does suck having to do all these darn things but think of it just one more thing to check off your list...

[CityGirl]

Good luck at mediation today! Let us know how things went! Thinking of you!