For me the real piecing started after I found out about his affair and we both decided we would try to make the M work. That's when the tough times started...
It's hard to know where I am since my wife isn't leaving, is going to MC, and feels she's trying to work on the R. I have so many doubts that it's easy to get confused.
pinhead, my H agreed to MC while separated to reconcile, and still had the A going on because he "couldnt break it off with her". Ohh and he said I was crazy to the Councelor cause "he never had an affair". So going to MC was no turning point for us.
I am sorry you are confused. Maybe at some point and I strongly suggest that, you should clarify things. Most LBs in similar sitches are afraid a confrontation will ruin their chances, I believe fear is the worst advisor in this case. I havent read your story but at some point, you must be very clear about what you need (if you havent done that). A lukewarm reconcilliation (which I've experienced for a year) is horrible and will do bigger damage in the long run,
I guess it's not so much clarity as building trust in our R. Trust that my W is committed, trust that I have the strength to work through our issues despite how long it might take. Trust that staying together is a realistic ending.
I think I knew we were piecing when the D was dropped, she said, "I want to do the work." We talked about the issues and what each of us needed to feel loved, respected and appreciated. She moved home and we had a second honeymoon. Still there were minefields to navigate for about a year then this past year has been incredible.
When you both can articulate what you want in a clear and unemotional voice is a good sign.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
my H agreed to MC while separated to reconcile, and still had the A going on because he "couldn't break it off with her". Ohh and he said I was crazy to the Counselor cause "he never had an affair". So going to MC was no turning point for us.
Sounds exactly like what happened in my M. We started MC while separated and unbeknownst to me, H was still having an A. It wasn't until he FINALLY admitted he slept with the OW that the "piecing" started. Of course, it was also at that time he completely cut the OW out of his life.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
So she loved me but wasn't attracted to me. My goal was to make her attracted to me.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Maybe Greek can jump in, but what were the biggest changes that you undertook to be more attractive to her? Am I right to assume that she didn't move back home until she found you more attractive?
