Your H has to demonize you to justify what he knows deep down inside HE DID wrong. It's that simple. If he can demonize you as a bad wife etc in his mind he feels justified for destroying the marriage. It's not about you really, it's about him easing his own guilt with his own mind.
He has to erase you from his life as if you never existed. My XW did the same thing. It's their way of coping with their own demons and guilt. It's not our problem. It's theirs to own!
I feel the same way about marriage now as you do. Never want that piece of paper ever again. It just makes me financially vulnerable to another person. Never again! But I do know I can love again. Maybe not as deeply as I did for my XW but who knows how we will feel years from now. Right now it is hard for me to trust my heart to somebody completely. I can but just not 100% yet. I am very guarded of my deeper emotions and never want to trust somebody that much ever again so I know exactly how you feel.
It may not be healthy but it is what it is. For now. Most of us here have membership jackets in the broken hearts club. What color do you want and what size? It will get better honey. Trust me. I never thought it would but I see now it will.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Reacting to something G450 wrote above -- about loving again but not as deeply.
I think someday I may fall even harder for someone. The more I look back and the more I see how STBXW began pulling away in 2002.
I lived so long with the knowledge that she was NEVER going to love me like I wanted. I felt stuck because I wanted so much more and tried and tried to draw it out of her. When she tells the girls she wasn't capable of giving me what I wanted ... I see more and more that that's true.
I'll never be 25 again and in the prime of my life ... but I may find someone who deep down does love me ... and if I do I may fall harder than ever.
That can happen to anyone. We're on this board for a reason. There is better out there.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Now for the legal side of things...: H's L wrote to my L about our mortgage and how if I sign deed over he'll cancel our court hearing next week. Well DUH. That's all he wants. But he stupidly sent over a YEAR-OLD statement. I called on my own and found out H is so lying about what he says he owes. What a nut. My L advised I sign deed over and we'll deal with other support stuff later. I wrote him back telling him to request current info and I am willing to negotiate if a, b, and c... I noticed H's L did not answer one single request my L had for him about what I want/my concerns. Nice, yeah? D is nuts.
Originally Posted By: g450
I feel the same way about marriage now as you do. Never want that piece of paper ever again. Right now it is hard for me to trust my heart to somebody completely. I am very guarded of my deeper emotions and never want to trust somebody that much ever again so I know exactly how you feel.
Oh I so do love this post. It's how I feel. We are "feeling" twins. LOL. Yes it will take me a looong time to get over this. I can feel it in my bones. Being rejected by your spouse is the biggest cherry of all cherries on top of a massive ice cream.
Originally Posted By: g450
Most of us here have membership jackets in the broken hearts club. What color do you want and what size?
I'll take a small blue bomber jacket, thank you.
Originally Posted By: ClingingToHope
I lived so long with the knowledge that she was NEVER going to love me like I wanted. I felt stuck because I wanted so much more and tried and tried to draw it out of her.
Can so relate. When I think back I see a lot of me wanting affection from him that he just wasn't willing to give. Even in MC, he said he wouldn't do X-thing because it wasn't him. The MC told him taht it would be so much better if he were willing, etc.
Sol, why does your L think it's a good idea to sign the deed over so early on when nothing really has been discussed? Has he given you reasons why this will be a good idea? I'm wondering if he's just being lazy or has he really thought about the pros and cons and your legal rights?
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
That's what I was wondering and specifically told him "We are negotiating my life here." He thinks there isn't much equity on our home. I don't mind signing house over to stbx but I want to get something out of it, ya know? My L said I could sign a quick deed over to him and then be relieved of all financial responsibilities from in the future and we will deal with support stuff later. I told him to email me a clear plan of how he'd go about doing that.
He needs to find out for sure and two if it means so much to your H why give it up without using it as a bargaining chip for what you want? What's the rush? Just say we're willing to sign over the deed as long as he gives you xyz.
Quote:
I told him to email me a clear plan of how he'd go about doing that.
Perfect!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Just say we're willing to sign over the deed as long as he gives you xyz.
Yea he has already stated that to my H's L. And already advised I will be seeking some $ at the hearing that now my H said he will cancel if I sign said deed. My L has a copy of how much our home is worth, and it has a negative equity. That it makes sense to sign over, etc. He said about my H's L "he seems to be ignorant about certain divorce matters and he basically ignored my letter regarding a settlement on support." B/c of the negative equity he says it make sense to sign it over and request something that states I'm relieved of any libaility on the house in the future and that support may be dealt with later.
Do you guys think if I sign the deed over lickety split that a judge would be in favor of granting me some sort of $/settlment at final D hearing? Maybe he will think it's unfair my H got house and I got some furniture?
They say you never know someone until you live with them but I think you never know someone until you divorce them. Haha.
