Tell me about it. I should have learned from my single house cat instead of spending money at IC. She's got all my 4 dogs trained and they know well how to please her when she wants that.
More cat behavior to be ready for. You are having a good exchange and you are thinking Ok I'm starting to get this. The cat jumped in your lap, you are petting the cat, it's purring then it turns, bites you and jumps down. Be ready for some pullback.
I would be the one to stop the texting today. Still be ready for pullback and let her re-initiate later. Never think you have them figured out, it helps you stay interesting.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Oh I know. Getting used to those bites and pull backs.
Quote:
I would be the one to stop the texting today.
Did that many times in separate sessions. Never had the last line. The wittier I got the more she texted back. I stopped every time and let her drop multiple lines.
It was funny to watch how silly she got. She texted me the "list" of things to bring three times, every time calling it final but never changing it. I wanted to say "Got it!" but played along because that's how it got funny every time.
Just got home and looked at my cat in a slightly different way.
She only drinks out of the faucet and every time I open it she brushes herself against it and closes it. This ritual takes 4-5 tries until she starts drinking and then she jumps off leaving the faucet running.
For years I have been trying to tell her not to close it before drinking and to close it after she's done. She just won't listen.
Had another IC session. I am rapidly running out of things to learn there thanks to this site.
IC found it remarkable how I have understood my past failures and how I am raising above the rock bottom I hit.
This session was all about me and rather than self pity and beating myself into pulp, I explained how my own set boundaries choked the life out of my R. I fooled myself into changing 7 years ago when I had similar crisis. Instead of loosening the boundaries, I found convenient loopholes and camouflaged my own insecurities into brand new package that I tried to sell my W.
She finally figured it out and the result of it is that I never fixed the problem and while failing to do that I turned myself into completely unattractive person to her.
I really did not need to pay $$$ to tell IC that but it's only money. It bought me a compliment. IC said that I have shown remarkable strength and understanding of the issue and most wives in my situation do not have the luxury of having a H who really knows what needs to be done.
W keeps texting again. The last line was "You can come anytime. My mom is here and she would like to see the other 2 dogs."
I am not mind reading, I am reading my cat - I am bored and want to see you, so does my mom. Period.
So off to packing and taking my trip. I will act like I am doing the business I promised, nothing more nothing less. No expectations, no disappointment.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am back home and all the wood I took, I burned over there.
It had a wonderful start with her mom and her partner I haven't seen for months. Lake was beautiful and everyone was having a good time. We let the dogs to be dogs and went swimming, kayaking and just hanging around talking.
During the pre-dinner time things started to go wrong. My MIL and her boyfriend started bickering and been annoyed at each other. I felt bad energy coming from them and I was not going to get involved.
So, I went to burn my wood I brought. All of a sudden W came out of the house and started yelling at me for starting it TOO EARLY. I said that I wanted to get some amber going while it's still light out so we can enjoy the fire later.
Next she said that she would be staring to grill in 2 minutes. I, as a grill king decided to start it so I can clean and get it ready. W comes out again yelling that I started it too early and that she was not ready.
At this point I had enough and went back to the fire pit. Sometime in the middle of the grilling she came over to me and handed me a beer. She apologized of yelling earlier and explained why she was irritated. Apparently her mom and company were being like teenagers for the whole day and she was fed up with that.
I said that I came here to have fun and not to be reprimanded for everything I do. She apologized again and left.
We had a great dinner and her mom and company continued to annoy us both. They finally left.
At this point I had reached the limit of my patience and my mood was totally ruined. I went back to the fire pit. After cleaning the kitchen W came back outside again trying to defend her rotten behavior from before. I just could not take it anymore. I told her that this is exactly why I feel that we need to finish this R and there are only two choices left. Either we apart for good or we try to reinvent the R. This cannot go on like this one more day. She looked like a deer in headlights. I proceeded to say that if I had not been drinking and if it was still early enough I would pick up ALL the dogs and go back home where we belong with or without you. Then I got up and went to the guest room to sleep.
This morning was totally different. I got served breakfast and coffee. She was talkative. We hung out at the dock letting the dogs swim. She was going out of her way to make sure my day was enjoyable. In the early afternoon her aunt and her H came over. Apparently she never told them that I was going to be there. That is another part of the family who knows about our troubles and therefore has been shielded from me. They were genuinely glad and surprised to see me. Her aunt’s H and I had a “talk”. I was very honest about out sitch. I told him that I am done with the R and whatever happens next is my W’s choice. He is a very wise man and completely understood it.
We had a wonderful day and had dinner together at the end. I started the fire pit (yes burned it all) and packed up my stuff and the 2 dogs. W came over and gave me a hug and kiss (!!!) and thanked me for coming. I smiled and said that the pleasure was mine and drove away.
