My W and I socialized with our dance teachers and fellow students at a venue last night. It was an opportunity for my W and I to socialize as a couple. Other couples were dancing but my W let me know that she was still upset about last weekend and sitting out so many dances, while I danced with others. I decided to use my time socializing and getting to know my fellow students better. I've decided that if we're going to move into being social as a couple, then it means that others are going to see imperfections. My W tries to convey her doubts about my commitment to move into the areas important to her. The teacher knows me well enough and reminds her that I have a good work ethic. It was an evening of social connection beyond dance, that my W and I rarely experience together.
My W started taking lessons to help her move into the smooth dances, to increase her repertoire. She is weary of the performance teams and wants to move more into partner dancing. I will continue to ask her to practice 1-2X per week, and shift to practicing what she needs to learn in her lessons and what we learn in the group classes.
She's having some resistance to my going to visit my parents over the Labor Day weekend. She gets to see her mother weekly. I take a twice yearly trip to visit my parents. Her sacrifice this trip is one day alone. She doesn't enjoy herself when she goes. I told her that I would return soon enough to help her with the cooking early Monday evening. I'm thinking I should hold onto my plans, and make her adapt. She will have to entertain herself for two evenings.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I'm thinking I should hold onto my plans, and make her adapt. She will have to entertain herself for two evenings.
Hurrah, CL! Good for you, for not sacrificing your plans. To have sacrificed them would have only fed her insecurities. She needs to see that she will be fine without you for a couple of evenings. You're making wonderful changes! Be wary of those frustrating 'change back' patterns though... she'll very likely continue resisting your trip in efforts to get things back to what she's used to. Hold on to those plans, just like you said!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I am happy to hear that you are presenting yourselves as a married couple now. That seems more healthy when trying to make your marriage work.
I wouldn't say presenting ourselves as a married couple, but a couple who appears to be married. She has yet to call me her H in a dance social setting.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I've added free weights to my exercise repertoire. I've decided to stop by the weight room after swimming or a class. My W joined me yesterday for this. I'm now able to swim a lap in the outdoor pool doing the breaststroke. I'm getting stronger. My W and I go together to the fitness center most of the time.
I initiated a dance practice session last night and put more focus on learning the new steps we've learned this past month and the steps my W is learning in her lessons. It was an awkward practice session. My W's feedback is blunt, but helpful. She seems to have resentment about my GAL activity last year when I went dancing on my own. Her goal is to be able to dance every dance at a ballromm venue, so I want to partner with her on this, even thru the awkward, fussing phase.
I've compromised with my W and will return home in time to do my usual cooking task. I will cut the trip short by only a few hours-- it's reasonable. I don't expect her to support this trip, but visiting my parents 2X per year seems reasonable to me. I'm not asking her permission on this decision.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
You had mentioned that you don't really care for weight lifting per-se. I suggest you google on the following and investigate the programs. They are somewhat similar but most are full body exercises that use your own bodyweight for resistance. They are nice for functional strength (think dancers body). I have no association with any of these, just thought it might help you out.
You can to these programs anywhere with not equipment or you can add some dumbbells.
Google one or any: bodyweight fuzion, bodyweight turbulence training, flow fit, tacfit,
You can also find videos of these programs on YouTube.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
My W had a great weekend while I was visiting my parents. A friend of hers invited her over to dinner on Saturday. On Sunday she invited my W to a high priced event in which she got to visit the clubhouse of the local professional baseball team, and got to meet some of the stars of years past. She got a few autographs for me. My W is not a baseball fan, but she enjoyed the novelty of her experience. She said that she missed me when I got back. Next week is our Puerto Rico trip.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W and I leave for our Puerto Rico trip on Monday and will return on Sunday. We've had a good summer spending time at our dance studio, preparing for our performances, which will be in three weeks, spending time at the pool, getting into an exercise routine. We haven't had a trip since January, so both are ready for some rest.
People in the dance community notice that we're out together consistently again. My W mentioned to our dance teacher that she didn't speak to me "for a year" (referring to our distance last year).
I'm reading Deepak Chopra's "The Path to Love." I like his metaphor of love as "cleansing the window of perception." It reminds me to keep an eye on my opinions, judgments, and reactions.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
