oh, believe me--if I could find the woman's contact info I'd be calling or emailing or something. but this whole upgrading to a Trauma Center thing has been really on the down-low; can't find anything about it anywhere and can't come up with contact info.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
feeling a little shaky today. a couple of years ago, almost to the day, I left my church job--again, not entirely by choice. that was entirely political, altho I allowed it to paralyze me after several years of dealing with being sabotaged (church people are just as dysfunctional and mean and self-serving as the general population, altho they appear to be "safer" because no one wants to believe it!) At that time, too, I was stepping off a ledge without a job to go to. had one within a week, and I certainly hope that happens again...but then again, I don't know.
just wrote this to a friend, thought I'd share it here...ok, here's the thing, because I feel "convicted" as the jargon goes. I may have self-sabotaged with this to some degree, if I'm brutally honest with myself. for the past couple of years I've felt like I have ADD--can't focus well, or for long. understandable at the time of the crisis, and maybe part of some PTSD...but I think my brain got used to it, as brains get used to depression, etc. becomes part of the wiring unless you figure out a work-around. and I haven't. and this job, and especially the completely self-directed "orientation" (ha--that's a stretch) required a lot of focus, since I had no background in this and am far more right-brained than research people tend to be. and I tried most of the time--but since the pieces didn't really come together until the past 6 weeks or so, it was perhaps too late. my "feedback" was simply that this "wasn't working" and was really vague. but perhaps if I had tried harder, been more able to focus, had some reference point to attach all the apparent unconnected details....
and I can blame it on D14's bad summer and my concern for her, or any number of other things like a really poor orientation. but some of the fault is my own. in retrospect, I honestly don't know what I could have done differently; I had said several times that I was trying but it was slower than I anticipated, and I kept getting feedback that it was fine, it would take awhile and I was doing okay--until I wasn't, and then just couldn't do anything right, got yelled at for being 3 minutes late because I was escorting a new family to a clinic, and it was suddenly all downhill.
oh, on that last piece--there must be something about my face. it's about a 3 block walk to my building, then another 5 minutes or so to my office; it's rare that someone doesn't stop and ask for directions. and I'll see them walk past several other people and look at me and walk directly over, sometimes crossing the street to do so. and this is a medical center, and my office is in a children's hospital--it's not like these folks don't have plenty of other things to worry about, you can't just give them terse instructions and move on. but she thought I was making excuses. yeah, she IS nuts. yeah, I found proof they've hired 2 people instead of just one so my instinct was correct. but....you know.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
lol!! only 3??? I think I got more than that for talking back to my mother years ago....
actually, just got my thyroid (and a bunch of other stuff) checked 2 weeks ago. everything's great, except I'm seriously anemic, for reasons that would indicate my hormones are still functioning quite well. yeah, still got plenty of estrogen--that was in the labs, too.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
actually, just got my thyroid (and a bunch of other stuff) checked 2 weeks ago. everything's great, except I'm seriously anemic, for reasons that would indicate my hormones are still functioning quite well. yeah, still got plenty of estrogen--that was in the labs, too.
Buy The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman or just look at it in a bookstore or library and take the simple quizzes in the front. They showed me which neurotransmitters I was deficient in (lab tests confirmed those quiz results exactly). Simple, inexpensive, OTC amino acids turned my depression and anxiety around and MD weaned me off AD meds. A godsend!
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
this song just came back to me...must've needed to hear it. my therapist first played it for me about...wow...20 years ago. for some people it might be ridiculous mush, for others it will resonate far more than you could imagine. just thought I'd share it with you all.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
