M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
So now is my turn to try my new line "When you dismiss me like this, I feel like we're just sweeping things under the rug. I would like to continue talking to you about it."
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I didn't know you felt that way. What's on your mind?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
But what if his reply is "I don't have anything else to say" or "I don't know what else to say" ? We were talking about how he feels about something so I don't feel right drilling into it and picking him apart when he's not willing?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
But what if his reply is "I don't have anything else to say" or "I don't know what else to say" ?
he's afraid that if you saw he real him you wouldn't like him. Men don't like expressing their fears or doubts, we are afraid our women will view that as weakness.
"I love you. I want to know what you think, it makes me feel close to you. I don't want you to filter what you say to me, I can handle anything. What I don't like is to get surprised by something after it has been on your mind for a while. Do you understand why that would be unsettling to me?"
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This actually really hits the spot, I think insecurity plays a big part here. Even when we talked today, in relation to the topic, he mentioned that he only feels loved when he knows he did something good and deserves it.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
he mentioned that he only feels loved when he knows he did something good and deserves it.
This is his issue but you can model healthy behavior for him.
Talk about how you are taking care of yourself.
He's a dog - good boy Mr Ris, you are such a good boy. seriously show him you notice him. Praise him especially when he works with his hands.
Have a goal meeting for the family - action is the cure for the blahs
Ask him why do you feel that way?
Get the book "Learned Optimism" and leave it out.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I try to do most of these things. He doesn't take compliments well (doesn't believe them?) but I still do it, though sometimes it puts me off because he seems to be almost uncomfortable when praised. But I try to show him why I think he did this or that well and be specific and that works quite well. I think I need to focus on doing it more. (One HUGE problem is his work, the very environment is "no praise ever" only negativity)
He's sort of aware of his problem, as one of his goals some time ago he chose to "make himself feel better about himself" but then he scratched it cause he didn't know how to do it.
I am planning to get that book, but we don't live together right now. On different continents actually - he's supposed to be working on getting me there but the problems with that are what brought me to this board. So yes, once I move there I am planning to do just that, but right now my only option would be to send it to him which would be pushy I think.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
That wasn't good enough for him and he escalated a bit so I said 'I'm not going to allow you to yell at me' and walked away. This patter continued for a couple of days.
"why do you think you need to yell at me for me to hear you? If you are frustrated about something then tell me?"
If he talks don't get defensive, he doesn't feel like you hear him. The yelling is his way of trying to control things.
Thanks. I have this problem sometimes too. Things will escalate and end with H yelling. I usually don't know what to do when he starts yelling except to just walk away (or well, end the conversation since we don't actually see each other).
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
