You don't tell the dopehead that they smoke too much. You don't push a person about their health issues. For them it's personal and no one else's business.
Unless you love them.
When their issues have impact on your life.
When they have choice in how they behave and it is effecting the R you have with them.
Funny how you spoke up about your dog getting a "Double dose" but nothing to your wife. This is a patttern.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Totally understood, but I have tried to talk about her health and got a "I don't want to talk about it" or even "none of you business" (in the beginning).
It wasn't until I stopped pestering her and then one day she told me everything. Now I have brought it up when I see her visibly uncomfortable. I have asked when the next dr. appointment is and she has said that it's on hold until her vitamin therapy ends.
I have brought up her drinking when it was out of control. That did not go over well at all.
With all your wisdom and experience have you ever told an alcoholic that their behavior affects people around them? How did they respond?
Some time ago I talked to her mother when W was really in the cutter. Her mom said that there is nothing anyone of us can say or do. She agreed that W is in the path of self destruction but she needs to fall. She was like that when teenager and she came out of her drug using years on her own. More she was approached about it the more she kept using it. She saw someone almost die before she cleaned up her act. That’s why today she despises the drug users.
Sadly one DWI 15 years ago taught her nothing about drinking. That lesson is yet to come.
I know, Coach, how you are capable of changing perspectives with one sentence. So, how do I raise my concern about these blackouts while “letting go” and not sticking my nose in her business?
Quote:
Funny how you spoke up about your dog getting a "Double dose" but nothing to your wife. This is a patttern.
BTW, there is nothing funny about that. She is totally unapproachable when she has been drinking. It would have started an argument. I decided to bring up my concern over her action rather than over her condition. I think she got it.
So, how do I raise my concern about these blackouts while “letting go” and not sticking my nose in her business?
BOUNDARIES
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
With all your wisdom and experience have you ever told an alcoholic that their behavior affects people around them? How did they respond?
Talking isn't the answer it's how you respond (consequences) to someone elses bad behavior. Instead of being a victim you take control of your life and don't enable others.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That's a good one. I am about to leave her with her house and the pets. I may have to change my position in this. I can leave the house but the pets come with me. If this pattern continues I can't be certain that the pets are properly cared for. I can set that boundary.
However if the episodes are indeed caused by a serious illness and not by happy pills and alcohol, then what? You thought it was funny that I appeared to care more about my dog than her. How's packing up all living things and run away as if she was a leper look like?
However if the episodes are indeed caused by a serious illness and not by happy pills and alcohol, then what? You thought it was funny that I appeared to care more about my dog than her. How's packing up all living things and run away as if she was a leper look like?
Obvioulsy we are talking about perception here.
That's where facts and the truth help you decide.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am running out of time to find all the facts and the truth. I have to "let her go". That is true for both options I am about to give her. If I have to leave I will and it seems that the one of the conditions in my "plan" will be taking the pets with me.
If she is reluctant to agree to my departure, then the boundary setting makes sense. That would be a whole different situation.
But even with the first choice I can hold my ground and explain exactly why I don't see her fit to take responsibility for what she wants to keep and it does not need to be negative.
If her behavior is caused by her own actions she needs to clean up her act and we can discuss the custody of our pets. If it is health related and beyond her direct control she needs to get diagnosed so we all will know what lies ahead and go from there.
Sounds like you are thinking about what is best for you right now. Feels good doesn't it?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
