I was reading back over my posts from the late spring and summer. Quite a ride. I had forgotten just how affectionate and "into me" my W was. We were having so much fun, and it fell apart, and I'm not even sure why. I guess when the reality of how her A hurt me hit her, she couldn't (or didn't want to) handle it, and walled back off from me. I think it also made her see me as needy and weak, which reduced her attraction to me.
Puppy, I also saw how you compared my sitch to Hope4Us, and warned that my W would have a hard time giving up OM completely. You were right, this whole FB thing is just like that glass Hope4Us's W held onto so stubbornly. Interesting, in Hope4Us's situation, he totally hung in there, and stayed with her even while she refused to let that stuff go. In my case, I'm keeping myself at a distance until my W lets that stuff go.
Puppy, I also saw how you compared my sitch to Hope4Us, and warned that my W would have a hard time giving up OM completely. You were right, this whole FB thing is just like that glass Hope4Us's W held onto so stubbornly. Interesting, in Hope4Us's situation, he totally hung in there, and stayed with her even while she refused to let that stuff go. In my case, I'm keeping myself at a distance until my W lets that stuff go.
Yeah, but he (Hope4Us) never relented on that boundary (getting rid of her affair momentos). He' drop it for awhile, but he ALWAYS came back to it, and he never wavered on his OVERALL STANCE of "I will not live in an open marriage," and "I will not tolerate any continued contact with him."
His stance is really no less "hard-core" than mine -- he exposed even to his own KIDS, for example -- he was just remarkably more patient than almost anyone I've ever seen on here, in how long he was willing to give his wife to come around.
I was reading back over my posts from the late spring and summer. Quite a ride. I had forgotten just how affectionate and "into me" my W was. We were having so much fun, and it fell apart, and I'm not even sure why. I guess when the reality of how her A hurt me hit her, she couldn't (or didn't want to) handle it, and walled back off from me.
My guess is "further contact with OM." I bet they were on an "on-again/off-again" trajectory that -- if you were ever able to look at it -- would neatly coincide with her demeanor towards YOU all these months.
That's just a guess, but probably an educated one.
Yeah, but he (Hope4Us) never relented on that boundary (getting rid of her affair momentos). He' drop it for awhile, but he ALWAYS came back to it, and he never wavered on his OVERALL STANCE of "I will not live in an open marriage," and "I will not tolerate any continued contact with him."
His stance is really no less "hard-core" than mine -- he exposed even to his own KIDS, for example -- he was just remarkably more patient than almost anyone I've ever seen on here, in how long he was willing to give his wife to come around.
From what I remember, he kept asking her to get rid of the glass, but she kept refusing. He didn't give any consequences, just kept hanging in there and waiting. He did insist on no contact, but it didn't seem to be a problem, since the OM in his case was a scumbag who was already hooked up with one or more other women, if I remember right. He was incredibly patient, and had some very hard conversations with her.
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My guess is "further contact with OM." I bet they were on an "on-again/off-again" trajectory that -- if you were ever able to look at it -- would neatly coincide with her demeanor towards YOU all these months.
That's just a guess, but probably an educated one.
My W and her OM were on-again/off-again starting way back in spring of last year, getting more and more off as time whent on, from what my intel told me, to his unwillingness to move here. He kept trying to end it, and she kept throwing herself at him and giving him more leeway, which he took advantage of. I was suspicious of contact over the summer, but I don't necessarily think there was two way contact this summer, until she called him. I think our talk about her A brought it up in her mind, and when she realized she'd have to erradicate him from her life, she went and perused her photos and mementos, and his FB page, and got set back that way. That seems to fit what I saw anyway.
Went to see W and kids off this morning, for their Disneyworld trip. Went ok. I was upbeat, and I gave each of the kids some money. I told them to take care of each other, and to take care of Mommy. I got the chorus of "I wish you were coming with us!", "If you and Mommy were together, you'd be coming with us", etc.
W was nice, but quiet, and clearly off a bit. After loading up the kids in the car, she gave me a big sad hug, and said "I wish you were coming with us." I quietly replied "Me too."
I was a little sad on my drive to work, but not too bad. I've got plans for tonight and tomorrow, so I won't be sitting around moping.
Amazing how things change over time. I don't think I ever posted here about the other Disneyworld plans we had. It was almost two years ago. Our M was really bad. Unknown to me, W had a torrid EA going with OM, via phone, webcam, IM, e-mail, texting, etc. All from her office or in our home while I was at work. In an effort to do a 180, I proposed we all take a trip to Disneyworld, something I would have never done before. W was always the one who planned our vacations. W's face lit up, and she said it was a great idea. So I planned the trip, bought the plane tickets, and made the reservations.
In the weeks that followed, W's behavior was becoming increasingly bizarre, and two weeks before we were to leave I checked her home e-mail account. All was made clear. Needless to say, we didn't go on the trip. I ate about two grand worth of tickets and reservations. She actually had the gall to suggest I take the kids to Disneyworld alone, and she would go visit OM to "find out if it's real". Wow. I was in no shape to take a trip by myself with the kids, and I told her if she went to see OM she wasn't welcome to come back home. She backed down, and we limped through a few more weeks before she moved out. Worst time of my life, by far.
Now here we are almost two years later, SHE makes the plans to go to Disneyworld, buys me a plane ticket, wants me to go, and I'm the one refusing. Strange days indeed.
The kids are 5, 7, and 9 now. I feel most bad for my son, the nine year old. W and the girls have plans to do all the Disney princess things, and he'll be dragged along. He's getting to the age where he's really bored by that stuff. He has no one to do cool boy things with, and even if W wanted to do some with him, she can't leave the girls alone. He's the one really getting the raw deal by my not going. We would have had a blast. Sucks.
YA I can understand why he would not want to do the princess stuff. My 2 are 5 and 3 S is the oldest. We have only been living apart over a week and he doesnt like being away from daddy. Hang in there buddy enjoy your weekend.
