I have been divorced now for quite a while. Overall, life is really good. That's not to say that I still don't have my days at times. I still deal with the effects of divorce from a financial standpoint all the way to missing the heck out of my son and daughter when they are away. I do have 50/50 custody so I can't really complain.
Having two small children keeps me in the MLC world at times. My ex climbed aboard the crazy train three years ago. I still have to deal with the craziness often. She is one of them that has to have plenty of contact still to this day. In fact things have been real interesting these past few weeks.
It gets much better and brighter with time no matter what the outcome will be. Stay strong, work hard everyday at forgivness and stay open to what ever may come your way in life.
Keep learning, keep growing and keep Fighting the Goodfight.....
more often than not that fight you're fighting will be you trying to conquer yourself.
Last edited by trapt; 08/26/1006:18 PM. Reason: I don't feel like giving a reason : )
Thanks Trapt for the encouragement. I'm trying to stay strong. And I have already forgiven him. This is the hardest journey I think I have ever been on. But I'm still praying and fighting for my M.
Please keep in mind, it's not a one and done thing.
I'm not trying to be negative here, but before this all comes to a close, you will most likely feel more hurt, sadness and anger. You'll need to dig deeper in order to keep living that forgiveness. It's done daily.
Quote:
This is the hardest journey I think I have ever been on. But I'm still praying and fighting for my M.
It's worth it no matter what happens. Better yet...... you're worth it.
My H does the same thing. Quiet, quiet, quiet, and then BAM! Push those buttons. He knows my biggest button is our home, and having a home to go to. I often feel he does things to purposely hurt me, out of the blue. While I understand the concept of MLC=confusion, it keeps bringing up the thought, "What did I do?"
I completely understand Punkin. Mine has been doing this for over 21 months. And now that he doesn't contact me, he will say things in front of our D13 or to her because he knows she will come back and tell me. I told her not to pay attention and that Daddy is sick right now. But since he doesn't respond anyway I figured I will not even bother to text or call him in response to anything he says or does.
I know it's hard not to, but I think that is what they want. They want us to yell or whatever so then we are the bad guys again.
The last shot was he told D13 that he didn't have any money for groceries for us and he changed his status on Facebook from complicated to single. Our D13 was so upset. I don't look anymore because it only hurts and when she told him about it all he could say was, well it's been almost 2yrs. so I am single. They did get into it through texting because I was being blamed for either having her phone or putting her up to it. I had nothing to do with it except after she told me I had to calm her down.
I did text him that day which was in the beginning of the week and told H that I told D13 it was his business and not hers and to respect him and not to do it ever again. Then like a fool I added thanks for helping with groceries and soccer because I'm really struggling and then 2 days later he tells D13 that doesn't have any money to help us and he sends money to her every week for her needs.
I know that was also a dig and to push my buttons but I just left it go. And I do know that feeling and still to this day ask myself "What did I do?" You are not alone.
Update: On Thursday I was going down the road and noticed this church sign that said "There is Hope" "There is Jesus", I felt like it was a sign that I have been praying for, and have found myself going down that road now, not just on Thursdays and Fridays when I have my second job, but going out of my way around 3 minutes to get home to see the sign. Well, on Friday I thought I would die. I'm heading down the road the one way towards my second job and H is heading up the road in the opposite direction. Don't know if it was a sign from God or not now because he needs to go down that road to get to his new place. I looked a little to the side and saw his uniform shirt and that's how I knew it was him. I shook with so much happiness thinking there is my sign, but the more I thought about it I got confused. That is the way for him to go home, and I have to admit before that sign was put up I was going that way hoping that I would see him for a little while but then our D13 told me that he goes to his sister's after work every day so I stopped going that way, only when I have to get to my second job.
Sunday our D13 came home from her visit early because she said H was just laying around and seemed really sad and asked him what was wrong and he just said nothing. So she made up a story that she had to babysit so she had to come home early.
H had his mother and sister and sister's family over his house and H told them that he went to the Dr. and the Dr. said he needs to go to counseling. And he told them (the family) that he told the Dr. he has his family and doesn't need counseling and the mother and sister agreed! The sister said that all counselors are looking for is money!
On the way to his apartment on Sat. he told our D13 that he went to the Dr. and he had to get meds. for his stomach, heart, and something else but didn't tell her what it was for and that he was acting really sad. And that it cost him $150 for all 3 meds so he couldn't give her the money for me for her soccer.
Well, our D13 goes into his cabinet and happens to see the pills and I swore months ago I wouldn't go online and check to see if he was taking any meds at all but I did this morning. He lied again, which I don't know why. He is always complaining he is broke but bought a brand new washer and dryer and he knows that our oven is broken, and he only owes me $40 for the soccer and he is the one that keeps bringing it up to her, that he will give it to her the following week. Then lies about how much his pills were. I went online and he his not taking any pills for his heart. He is taking 2 different ones for his stomach and one for depression, of course he won't admit to her about the depression one because that would prove I've been right the whole time. Oh, and he changed Dr's. again. Why lie and tell our D13 it was for his heart?? It scared her, just like when he told her he had high blood pressure, and me like a fool texted him and told him to please take his meds for it and to take care of himself and listen to what the Dr. says because I know him all too well and he never listens to Drs. And if he needed anything to let me know. He responded but that is before he told our D13 in the middle of May that if I texted him he would read it but not respond. So I don't know if he said about his heart to see if I still cared cause he knows she will tell me like I did when I was worried about his high blood pressure and contact him or what to think. But why lie about the cost? All 3 of them came to $70 not $150!!!
I'm so confused......please give me your thoughts and or advice.
Update. Last night our D13 told me that the guidance counselor told her that H had called the school and talked to her and told her he wants all reports on our daughter. He wants copies sent to his apartment of her report cards and other things like if she gets detention or something.
Well, she had a form that needed to be filled out for the nurse yesterday and it asked for both of our addresses if parents are separated or divorced. So I told her to text him even though he would be sleeping and ask for his address (since I still don't know it).
Well, he gets up around 3 a.m. and when we were getting ready for school and work she checked her phone and he never texted her back. So she tries to call him so she can take the form back to school today. He doesn't answer so she texts him again and his response was they already have it and she told him okay but she needed it for another form for the nurse. Same response comes back, they already have it.
Now remember, he has no rights to her. He gave them up over a year ago in May. I do let H see her when she wants to see H. I was looking at this as a positive thing....H being involved with her school work last night but now he just seems to be wanting a reaction from me!!!
Do I contact the school (which I told them a year ago in May) that H doesn't have rights to her at all? Is this just another way to p*ss me off by not answering her about his new address?
I purposely have not asked her for the address for a month now, but the more I think about it I want to know the exact address and where she is going to be when with H. I know the city, but not the street address.
Why can't he just pick up the phone and call me and ask for copies of her report cards or ask how she is doing?
We were doing good in March and now that his family is more involved (I think they had something to do with this) is H doing what they are telling to do? There is no OW but it is like there is because H lets his family tell him what to do and when to do it.
I really thought things were going to get a little better. H going to the Dr., taking AD's again, getting involved with our D's school stuff but I'm wondering now if this is just another game with him to get a reaction out of me as far as not giving our D13 the exact address.
