thanks Rob, I agree I have not sent her anything. I do need my own place, with some savings I have I am trying to make every penny last right now. Once I get these projects under way 1-2 months I will move. Cant do an apartment I have 2 big doggies a mastiff and an Akita, apartments only let you bring cats and rat dogs.
Her texting has increased quite a bit, sometimes I respond sometimes I dont. I need to let her mind wander a bit.
If she texts about the kids, obviously communicate with her, anything about the kids is definitely responding to
If she texts just to take your temperature or shoot the $hit, take your time responding, in the end it's up to you if you have to respond at all but don't feel obligated to maintain the "gay friend" relationship
(nothing wrong with being gay if you want to be gay, just saying) ;-)
W had an early appt. She came home to take the kids to daycare, I was dressed up for an interview, and the first thing she said was that I looked nice. I thanked her, and she took the kids to daycare. She is very chipper today, and it drives me crazy, it gets me boiling that she can be so happy at times. I know that is normal but it still affects me, her ups and downs, but the ups get to me the most because I think it hurts the ego. You feel that you are not important to them and they can be completely fine with the way things are, that is the toughest for me to deal with.
Aren't people allowed to be happy? You should be that happy! It might affect her the same way as it affects you ;-)
Originally Posted By: dsh4320
The punches keep coming. W and I Talked about S school, had to pry a bit, but W has already signed a lease on a place for her and the kids, and has enrolled S in school. Originally I was uspet about this, then I realized its probably for the best. I realize I am trying to rush my changes, and it is coming across as false. W is done, she stated she keeps waffling back and forth, but in reality she is making her "actions" towards filing and leaving. I dont believe what she says, but the fact she filed and signed a lease last week are pretty good indicators that she is moving on.
So she can do this, work 2 jobs and handle the kids half the time and you can't, c'mon bro, you know we know better than that, you can do anything as good if not better than she can, no more excuses on this.
Originally Posted By: dsh4320
She told me she doesnt believe I am ready to change, she feels the IC and the other things I am doing are just to make her feel better. She is upset that I received a mailer from Twin Peaks, she says you dont respect our M. I wanted to defend myself, on some points I did most of them i did not, I let her speak and I listened. She is freaked out that I am already dating, which is one point I stood firm on that was not the case. I can tell she is very tore up about this, she is friendly but she gets very emotional when we talk. She is still very attached, but she is set in her ways right now.
Cheating on you wasn't respecting the marriage either but what did you say to her when she did it? Seems like she is totally oblivious as to her part in the marital situation, this is her continuing to walk all over you when you let her say stuff like this. You are allowed to be honest with her without turning into Mr.Melty Man, "hey lady, I don't trust you, after you cheated on me and had an affair with the OM, I haven't been able to trust you, you don't act in ways that would make me believe that you respect our marriage and I find it very disrespectful that you keep putting this on me. You broke the trust that was between us and you keep putting the requirement on me to rebuild trust, I don't feel the need to chase you after what you did to our marriage, if you have high expectations please place them on yourself before you even consider applying them to me, this is the end of this never ending discussion on respecting our marriage and what I haven't been able to do as far as living up to your standards, it's time for you to consider the fact that you haven't been living up to my standards, I know what I'm worth, it's time for me to go out there and get it, this separation has opened my eyes to that much."
Originally Posted By: dsh4320
I forgot to mention, the W still wants to do counseling next month? strange I guess, and she also mentioned that she did not feel the buddy I am going to live with is a good idea, she referred to the house as a bachelor pad, and used the kids as a reason to say, I dont think its a good environment for them. dont know what to think of that. I guess she is not completely detached.
As for the counseling, you decide if you want to go or not, don't feel pressured into doing it if you don't want to. I tell people that counseling is for people that really want to work on the marriage, if you're both just hanging around jumping in puddles continuing to make a messes, counseling will do nothing for you. Counseling is for people that have goals: marriage reconcilation, improving a relationship, etc. If you're going to counseling just to argue and use the counselor as a referee, don't bother, it's just a waste of time & money unless you both share a common goal for the counseling.
As for your buddy's place being a bachelor pad, well... it is.
That's why I've been pushing for you to get your own place. She has revealed her cards in that move, she will use that against you in court when it comes time to discuss child custody - I $hit you not, get your act together because all she really has to do is establish what could possibly happen, the courts will decide in the best interests of the children, not in her or your best interest. Remember this now because I've mentioned this several times, be prepared.
Don't worry about her attachment level, worry about your own.
if you have high expectations please place them on yourself before you even consider applying them to me,
In my best Cary Grant impersonation voice, "You're generous to a fault. Just not with other peoples' faults. Sure, you can appreciate human frailty... only when it's your own".
In my best booming thunderous voice, "Judge not lest ye be judged".
Moral? She has two standards: one for you, and one for her. Heads she wins, tails you lose.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/26/1010:52 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I went to get the kids at the daycare, D wanted to go with me, S said he wanted to stay and play. W looked at me and asked if it was ok, I smiled and said he is fine. Took the D to gym and went back to drop her off the W. I walked in the daycare (pumped up from the gym)(felt fit ) I gave both the kids hugs and kisses and threw them up in the air a few times. I told W cya and started to walk out. She asked me if i was going to answer her text? I said oh ya, I have been really busy. She started to ummm ummm again and I said oh by the way, I want the kids to stay the night with me tomorrow night. She said my dad might be coming in to town. I said I have not seen them enough and I want to spend time with them. She says my Dad doesnt get to see them often either. This is where I almost lost it.
Bit I kept come and stated in a firm voice looking right in her eyes, they are not your dad's kids they are my kids. She could not respond started to walk off and say I will remember that when your parents are in town and I have them. I did not fall into her argue trap, I picked up my D and started tickling her. D started to cry and didnt want me to leave, she kept saying she wnted to go home with me. I had to pry her off me and leave. The W had a pissed off look on her face, but you know what? I dont give a sh!t anymore about hurting her feelings, oh I forgot, she said she doesnt like the kids hanging out at a house with a bunch of "single people" I said I am looking for a place of my own and should be out in a month. this was before the outburst.
For her to use the kids as a way to control things, really is disrespectful. I wish I could speak some of the wise words that have been offered to me on this site, but I dont remember it all when I get steamed.
But I felt good about putting my foot down, after she was told I was taking them tomorrow night, I said I will pick them up tomorrow.
It felt somewhat liberating to take the lead for a change, and tell her I am taking the kids. She does not look happy lately, she also asked me about working, I did not answer her. I have some projects going, and after the D papers I setup the new company in my parents name and will receive a smal salary to manage the projects. This way I can go to court and say I am getting 2K a month gross, and if that increases after a while it will be after the D. What do you guys and gals think?
busto no @ss rubs here, not from men anyway. Thanks Rob it felt good and liberating. I finally picked myself up from being the door mat and said enough. I know people say women find it attractive, but i didnt do it for that. I did it for me. She has been in the driver's seat for so long I finally had to throw her in the back seat for my kids. I am looking for places to move to and will get a lease or something before our court date in 2 weeks. She is so selfish and stuborn right now, she looks at me putting my foot down as manipulative, but that is the way she has been for quite some time, she needs to look in the friggin mirror.
Not much to report, W has been silent since I put my foot down, I feel it will be like this for a while. i will not let it bother me. Her idea of being civil through this is her having control, no more. I will text her tomorow about picking up the kids about 2 hours before, and make sure she has packed stuff for them. I was a little hard on john28 tonight, but dammit I think he is making the same mistakes I have made in the last 2 months.
) I gave both the kids hugs and kisses and threw them up in the air a few times. I told W cya and started to walk out. She asked me if i was going to answer her text? I said oh ya, I have been really busy. She started to ummm ummm again and I said oh by the way, I want the kids to stay the night with me tomorrow night. She said my dad might be coming in to town. I said I have not seen them enough and I want to spend time with them. She says my Dad doesnt get to see them often either. This is where I almost lost it.