Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Last week I burned the sh-t out of my hand, can barely concentrate in school, got served with papers, stbx suing me for half the mortgage in a home I don't even live, oh yeah, my H is divorcing me. The last 2 days I've left my wallet at home. So today I went to retrieve it and lo and behold, got a speeding ticket on my way back to work (speeding).
Am definitely feeling like something is very wrong with me. Someone else made a comment to me this week about how I have really bad luck and how things really crumble for me when they do & I have been thinking a lot about that. I do feel like I'm cursed. Am hoping my day gets better but dammit, when it rains, it pours. Wouldn't wish this on anyone. Didn't sleep last night thinking about my upcoming court date with stbx, this man who made a fool out of me, vowing to love me in front of so many people (mostly my own guests) only to later call our M a "piece of paper." It's sucks x 1000. He is throwing me away.
On top of that I am deeply depressed and want to cry and disappear from the world. I hate my life.
We've ALL had those days and weeks. Not that it makes it any easier for you but I know the feeling.
How'd you burn your hand? That's really the only thing I'm concerned about. Hope it heals soon.
Didn't you retain an attorney? he should've been the one served on your behalf. Or is that what you meant? I know it sucks either way but getting served is one of the hardest things to go through...the next day or two will be tough just reeling from it but things will start to clear up and you'll have this shift where instead of living in the fear of the unkown you'll work towards getting this D process over with.
As for him suing you for half the mortgage...that's low and pathetic! He's showing his true colors. It's probably nothing more than a scare tactic. It realy depends on what you consider your date of separation and the state laws. Like here moving out physically is typically considered the date of legal separation too. So after discussing with your attorney I would suggest you use that as your date of separation. The value of the house should also be assessed as of that date and you be given half of the equity. If the house is sold and the value of the house depends on that or assessed at a date after seperation he can ask you to reimburse him for half the mortgage. Your lawyer should be able to help you with this stuff. That's what they're there for...and we're here to help too, you're not alone! don't sweat it.
Speeding ticket...yeah it sucks. Luckily you can now do the traffic school online so it doesn't go on your driving record. Again, don't sweat it...
Court date...yes I hate them with a passion but it's a necessary evil. You have to get out of this D, the sooner you do the better you'll feel. And you will feel better, I promise!
He's not throwing you away...read Ellie's post in your other thread. Sometimes people make wrong decisions and there's nothing you can do about it. He's made the worst decision of his life and I guarantee you he'll regret it. This is our time to grieve and feel this pain...there time comes later.
((((Sol))))
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
And... especially that you come to realize and believe he did not throw you away. I battled that belief/thought too for quite a while... and every so often it pops its ugly head back up. But, it is simply not true. Not. True.
When people abandon a M it is due to their own issues. Especially when they abandon someone who would have been willing to work on/save a M. Nobody is a perfect spouse. I wasn't, and I am sure you weren't. But that does not warrant abandonment. That is not your fault. That is HIS stuff. Please remember that.
Sol- you are worth it! You are worth loving, worth sticking it out with, worth spending time with. That is truth. Hold on to this. That is the truth I remind myself of every day.
It is amazing how stress seems to pile up at the very worst time!
The attnys, legalities, paperwork and all the "crap" associated with a legal divorce is hell. It' upsetting on so many levels and really it's just something you will have to learn to deal with. I understand how deeply distressing it is to get or send paperwork. I would have found more comfort raking my body over hot coals. The process is horrible but use your attny and his protection for all it's worth.
Being left by a spouse is life altering. I do think I finally understand what so many people were trying to say to me for so long... WAS are emotionally crippled people with more issues than we can imagine. They view people and problems as disposable entities. Without work and support those traits won't disappear from their lives but sadly they hurt lots of people in the process.
As Rocked said you *are* worth it. You are like a burst of lovely sunshine to all of us.
You have to get out of this D, the sooner you do the better you'll feel. And you will feel better, I promise!
Amen to that. I am now at the point where I am saying I can't wait for it to be over with. I did retain an L to respond to stbx's f-ckery/papers. My L wrote a letter to stbx's L saying its' ridiculous for him to sue me over mortgage and that we will see them in court, that I'll forego court if we can come up with some sort of agreement (which I know won't happen--stbx will not budge). My L said after the property/PSA is figured out, then we can go through w/ the D. I want a D now. Today. What a shift from how I was feeling even a month ago, wanting to work things out. It ebbs and flows. Gah!
Can you post Ellie's post for me here Romeo? Or link it?
Originally Posted By: rockedHERworld
Nobody is a perfect spouse. I wasn't, and I am sure you weren't.
Very true. How did you finally start getting over that sick feeling?
As for regrets... I honestly don't think he will regret this. I'd like to think he will (wouldn't we all?), but the fact is, whne someone goes as far as to file for D , their mind is pretty made up. They must be so over you and the M if they can do that like it's a regular Tuesday. I find myself thinking about whether he's seeing someone. He denies but who knows. I suppose time will tell.
"At least I tried." That is what is going to get you through this. I stayed with my stbx for four months while he continued to cheat on me because I felt that I needed to make sure that I did everything I could to save us. Thats how I felt I'd get through it without regrets. Marriages are partnership and eventually, the "partner" needs to get on board. If not, get out and take care of yourself. That is what you are doing now.
As for him regretting it... I'm sure he will, but you won't. You'll move on with your life and become ridiculously happy and he'll keep being the same jerk and never ever learn from his mistakes. He's on a downward spiral. Don't let him take it with you.
As for the bad day. It's okay to have those. It doesn't mean you're not making progress. You're allowed to have the bad days so go easy on yourself. Give yourself permission to pull the covers over your head and just cry it out. When you're done, get up, get moving and push forward. Happiness is a choice. You may have to choose it 30 times a day, but you can do it.
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
"3) It was also easier to let go because I had peace in my heart that I had tried everything I could to save the marriage. I decided to accept that somehow he had to go down this path and I couldn't save him. Someone said "Let go or be dragged" and I decided, since I couldn't change the outcome, I might as well go out and be happy!"
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
