Yes, she did and I did too, but the timing was wrong and we decided to talk about it later. When later came we both felt that it was not important any more. We joked that we can have many vacations with the money we would spend on a wedding.
You joked that money and taking vacations was more important than her honor. I know you think you talked about it, you rationalized it away. There is a reason women shop for and buy a wedding dress, coordinate the bridesmaids, get her maid of honor to help, get a engagement ring, have numerous wedding showers, plan a big reception, order flowers, plan the music, vows and readings for the wedding and then take a honeymoon trip. Guys show up in a rented tux. It's a big deal to her. Never take for granted what is important to your woman.
She is now spending time with other men, drinking in bars with them and inviting them to parties at her vacation home to spend the night, all without you. She has health issues on her mind, she wants you gone, she's lonely and frustrated. She will find someone to listen, someone who gets her and she will give her heart to him for being there. I think she is well on here way there. Don't think for a second she is not capable of it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I can't change the past. It wasn't today that I just realized some of the mistakes I have made. The challenge is how to move forward from here. She knows that I'm there for her all the time. She invited me for dinner last night and she was doing a lot of talking. I listened, paid attention and said all the right things. It was a restaurant where most dishes can be shared. It was fun and cute to do that. It created closeness.
For a split moment I felt like there is no crisis. She was smiling, laughing and remembering some good times from the past that she brought up.
I am still struggling with my upcoming speech. I know what to say and I do have the two plans in place. I have ran through all possible scenarios especially if she starts interrupting me or refusing to hear me out. It is also difficult to find the way to be resolute and strong with words without coming across as not caring or cold.
It is also difficult to find the way to be resolute and strong with words without coming across as not caring or cold.
That's one of those dysfunctional beliefs.
It is very caring and warm to let her know, you "see" her now and you realise this relationship isn't what either of you want. (you agreed with her) It's wrong of you to want to keep her in a relationship that is not making her happy (let her go). You want her to be happy and that is why you have no reservations about moving on. (she get to choose her outcome now). Do you see how loving and liberating that path is?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It is very caring and warm to let her know, you "see" her now and you realise this relationship isn't what either of you want. (you agreed with her) It's wrong of you to want to keep her in a relationship that is not making her happy (let her go). You want her to be happy and that is why you have no reservations about moving on. (she get to choose her outcome now). Do you see how loving and liberating that path is?
Yes I do. That is exactly what I am going to say. I will completely agree that the R in it's current form needs to end and I will offer two options both of which I believe could lead to happiness and I am perfectly okay with either choice.
The little trouble I have is to stay firm in case she does not want to hear the second option. There is not a lot to say about the first one – I will move out and you can have the house and the pets. I will keep you posted on my progress of finding a new place to live and coordinate the removal of my belongings, etc.
The second option needs more delicacy. It cannot sound “hopey changey” or pushy. I want to insert some info that I have identified a lot disfunctionality in our current R and that’s why I propose “reinvention” rather than a bandage. I want for her to understand that I am not expecting anything and really talking about starting from scratch. Even that option may include option #1. I am a little worried whether she will give me enough time to lay that out.
I would like her to take a moment to digest what I will tell her because the there is a serious reality behind both options.
I am prepared to deal with her. If she starts interrupting or jumping on choice #1 without letting me finish I would politely ask her to hear me out since it was her request for my response. Since I will have solid plans behind each option I think I can make a request to be heard. I highly doubt that she has a comparable plan but that’s assuming.
Finally I am wondering if I should have this talk Saturday before she leaves for her vacation or stick to the original date.
The little trouble I have is to stay firm in case she does not want to hear the second option.
Not your choice to make. Your wife is much more detached than you realise, she's trying to let you down softly, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, she's mothering you which is a attraction killer.
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I would like her to take a moment to digest what I will tell her because the there is a serious reality behind both options.
She has been thinking about this for years. So if she answers right away then what? Her answer is invalid? See how you are trying to control things? Let go, holding on doesn't work.
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Finally I am wondering if I should have this talk Saturday before she leaves for her vacation or stick to the original date.
The sooner the better. Get your ducks in a row and take action.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
She has been thinking about this for years. So if she answers right away then what? Her answer is invalid? See how you are trying to control things? Let go, holding on doesn't work.
No, it's not invalid and I am not going to hold if she does not want me to continue but I want to have a chance to finish what I need to say. She asked me "what do you want?" and I am going to say just that and until I am finished.
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Not your choice to make. Your wife is much more detached than you realise, she's trying to let you down softly, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings , she's mothering you which is a attraction killer.
She has never had a problem with that. I don't think that's the case. She has her own strange way of apologizing but she does not hold back what she wants to say. It has always been that way with everyone, not just with me.
"For you to be happy." Let her go. Give her what she wants. Anything else is pursuing, clingy, needy and unattractive.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
What I read out of the King's quest story that options could exist and she should be allowed to choose. I shall be okay with whichever she chooses.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
