TH, like I said I can only lead for me right now, I am living with a buddy and 4 dogs, W has a better "home" for our children right now. I am leaving law enforcement to get a new company off the ground. I have a lot to get done, and I need to focus on that. Truly my kids are better where they are at right now. I need to make more time for them, but in the best interest of the kids, what W has done is best for them right now. Things do happen for a reason, I did not jump on any rental which looking back now I would have been stuck with a large home, large payment by myself. So that happened for a reason.
Tonight will be the first night I will have the kids, w will have a break. I feel I took the lead here, made plans for it and didn't ask the W she did not seem to mind and did not have a fit about it. I will not ask what she is doing nor will I ask tomorrow.
The kid exchange went fine, W seemed a little blah, she is getting a dose of this choice, She started to tell the kids to be good for daddy, which I said they will be fine, then she started to tell me when they need to be up, I interrupted her and said W I can handle it and walked off. I was playful with the kids and did not really talk to the W much, she had a client waiting on her which she was 15 mins late to. Not easy to be on time and spur of the moment in the real world.....
Church was great with the kids. The point was a back to school blessing, our pastor talked about all the trials of school. The part that stuck out to me and the reason I post it here is this:
He emphasized on the fact that when someone at school puts you down, it is the person insulting the other who feels weak, or insecure. That made me think a bit, My W says that I have done all these things wrong, when in reality she is putting all her insecurities and guilt on me, and not owning up to her issues. So I think it hit me tonight, she is the one that needs the most healing, and to find out what she has to deal with that makes her the way she is. I dont want to be with her right now, and on the way home her texts firmed that up for me here it goes:
W: Call when you leave church(i had beep off so I didnt get it until we were almost back to my place)
Me:They are asleep in the car
W: U were supposed to let me know when you left
At this point I wanted to go off on her, but I didnt
Me: I just now saw your text
W:Church started at 7 when did you leave church?
Me:What does it matter?
W: Did you even go to church?
At this point the kids were awake, and I had them talk to their Mother. I could over hear her asking if we went to church and stuff like that. S didnt really want to talk to her, but to be respectful I handed him the phone and said talk to your Mother. He talked a bit and the signal faded.
I originally wanted to light her up, but felt it would just get into a pissing contest so that is why I responded the way I did. Should I have lit her up? was I too passive? All I thought about driving back and re reading her texts I felt this is not a way I want to be treated. She didnt ask me, should was telling me what to do. Totally disrespectful which I was going to put the Robx twist on it about the crap behavior, but I think its warly for that. I was calm and just didnt engage the enemy. Im sitting in my foxhole letting her shoot bullets that are just going over my head, as I rest and prepare for tomorrow.
W texted me tonight asking " what is (buddys name) address where you are staying? I did not respond it was 10:30 at night and I will see her in the morning after I drop S off and drop D off at her house. If she asks again, I will tell her. I have noticed a lot more of her being (nosy) since we have been in different homes. She could be building ammo for hearing, but I am not going to put up a big fight? It is what it is, times are tough financially, she borrowed money from family to setup the "ward Cleaver" i should say june cleaver household for her and the kids. The last S I used everything in my power to fight her out of anger and hurt, this time I am being amicable. no confrontation just making a stance for things that are not monetary and being me.
I used to try and use money as a tool, when money is short it cant be used as a tool, I am being totally diffferent from the way I was with the first separation, and I can see she is somewhat being the same way as the first S, and I am completely being the opposite. It could be getting to her that I am this way now, dont know but I feel ok. Yes I go through bits of anger and hurt, then I just tell myself it is what it is.
Dropped S off at school, walked him to his class and he didnt want me to leave. Took D to W's house, where she was in her robe and put makeup on. She asked me some stupid stuff, like if the table I am storing was moved would her car fit in the garage? doesnt take a genius to figure that out. I gave D big hugs and kisses and was cheerful, I was trying to get out of there and the W kept trying to talk about little stuff. I had short answers and said I have to go. She did not ask again about the address I am staying at. Since she has moved out her memory is crap. Any thoughts about my previous posts?
Any thoughts??? Yes. You are going great. Keep it up. No talk unless it's about the kids. Need to know basis... GAL.. Create mystery.... Intrigue.... Attraction...
Stay strong for the kids. Give her enough rope to choke herself with.
Since you asked... I think this bit is too passive and that you probably over compensated because you were angry, so... the net result... is it sounds passive-aggressive.
Assertive will work for you better, I think.
Example: "I didn't see your text until now, but since you asked, I feel like you are being very controlling".
It's the truth, right?
How can she argue with your feelings? You tried arguing with hers in the past, and how well did that work?
Your feelings are your feelings.
And if she invalidates your feelings, you just respond, "well, that's how I feel".
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/26/1002:16 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
