I love the band names. It is a good idea to try and hitch up with a band. Perhaps you could get one together, if you have friends who play various instruments. It would be a casual thing and, I guess, no-one would have to be perfect.
Yes, I agree that you should wish them fun and wave them good-bye. Tell the kids that you are so excited for them and looking forward to hearing all the stories.
As far as DB'ing ... I think you have done well. I wish I had figured out when to step back and let go. Sometimes, it seems like you are flip-flopping, but I think you are just musing about things. I remember at the beginning, you were all over the place ... so different now, and calmer, and more introspective, and stronger. If your W doesn't like you this way, then she is truly nutso!
Do you have plans for when the kids are away? Sorry, if you had said .... I don't remember, except for the possible gig.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
My dad -- "Big Stan" as we call him -- is from Wisconsin, near there
Nice Polish name-- also was my fathers name and my brothers
Stosh!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Ok, so here's where I always get stuck. W is leaving for Disney on Friday. I'm not going. She seems to have accepted that and is making the best of it. I never mention it. I don't want to be an a$$ about it. Should I offer her anything? Help? Money? Good wishes, at least.
Give the kids a "holy handshake" of $20 or $40 each, as "fun money," as you say/hug them goodbye. Tell him "I"ll miss you; get something to eat or a souvenir with this, and take good care of your mother" (or "... and be good for Mommy").
That's what I would do. If I was there when they were leaving, and lifting/packing needed to be done, I'd certainly be a gentleman and help my wife.
Maybe I am all wet here, and I didn't mean to offend you future, but there seems to me to be a constant repeat pattern here. You have been here for so long, yet you keep taking about going to her with one last try. That is pursuing. Reread the advice others have given you. Someone said "If you continue to do this you will be here for ANOTHER year." Maybe it was Robx, I don't remember. The point is that YOU have to stop trying.
Hi DanF - No offense taken at all. I come here to get advice, and I appreciate all of it. Amazing when I think of how long I have been on here. On the one hand, it's sort of depressing, but I have continued to grow and learn, so I don't really have that much problem with it.
Realize, I put all my thoughts here on this board, but very little of it is ever expressed to W. For the last year, SHE has been the one initiating all R talks. She pursued me last winter. She was the one last spring who came at me and kissed me. She was the one texting me at night inviting me over. My big mistake was not playing harder to get. I did a little, and it worked, but I gave in way too easily, giving up my power. I needed to require her to show me unequivicably that she completely removed OM from her life BEFORE I gave in. Once she thought she had me, she again started thinking she could have her cake and eat it too.
I think she's VERY surprised I'm not going to Disney. She gave me an open ivitation. She tried several angles to get me to go, without success. I appreciate that she didn't try to use sheer deceit. I have to admit, she is TRYING to be honest.
Like I said, I'm actually doing very little in terms of pursuing her, but the fact that I have all these thoughts demonstrates how involved I still am, which is what you're picking up on. I need to get back to where I'm hardly even thinking about her, or my situation.
I love the band names. It is a good idea to try and hitch up with a band. Perhaps you could get one together, if you have friends who play various instruments. It would be a casual thing and, I guess, no-one would have to be perfect.
Yes, I agree that you should wish them fun and wave them good-bye. Tell the kids that you are so excited for them and looking forward to hearing all the stories.
As far as DB'ing ... I think you have done well. I wish I had figured out when to step back and let go. Sometimes, it seems like you are flip-flopping, but I think you are just musing about things. I remember at the beginning, you were all over the place ... so different now, and calmer, and more introspective, and stronger. If your W doesn't like you this way, then she is truly nutso!
Do you have plans for when the kids are away? Sorry, if you had said .... I don't remember, except for the possible gig.
Picking a band name is so brutally hard. You always end up with the one no one objects to too loudly. Funny to hear stories from wildly successful bands, with household names, who say they were all lukewarm on the name when they started.
I will wish them well, and I will give the kids a little money. I like the "take care of your mother" line. Shows her a smidgen of affection, and leaves out the implied "since I won't be there to do it".
Thanks for your compliments about my DBing. I don't know. I think I'm a mixed bag. Strong in some ways, weak in others. You're right, most of what I post here is musing. I feel totally different from when I came here. If she asked me to go to Disney at the beginning, I would have in a heartbeat. You all would have told me not to go, but I would have justified it in all sorts of ways, went anyway, then been crushed at how it didn't pull us back together as I'd hoped.
No big plans for while they're away. Work is nuts, so I'll probably be putting in a few extra hours. I'm sure I'll have a little fun as well!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
It is a good idea to try and hitch up with a band. Perhaps you could get one together, if you have friends who play various instruments. It would be a casual thing and, I guess, no-one would have to be perfect.