You are all correct. Robx thanks for getting back on my sitch. W has called me 3 times this morning i did not answer. I texted her about 2 hours later and asked her what she needed? she keeps asking about stuff at the house, things she can look for herself. I simply said I brought over what I could, and that she can get the rest of her stuff. I then asked her where the kids will be at 4? I am going to pick them up and take them to church and let them spend the night.
She finally is posting on FB again talking about taking on the world, wanted more kids and the fact our S is impatient and school and comments how he is just like his Daddy with impatience. Go figure.
She is on her fantasy cloud right now, and as it does eat at me a bit, I have to ignore it, this is all still relatively new, and she feels she has control, I need to take the control back. I believe the only way I can lead right now is to plan stuff with the kids, and just enjoy my time with them. I need to stop focusing on her, and as TH says stop letting her tell me what I am doing right and wrong.
I'm still going through your thread but on this last post you made, shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line:
"Wife I'm sure you are more than capable of checking up on the stuff at the house that you keep asking me about and I would appreciate that you do that. If it's really important by all means, involve me, but if it's smaller trivial stuff, I trust you can make the decision on your own without involving me on every little thing."
As far as the facebook highschool stuff, same thing: "Wife I would appreciate it if you would NOT comment about me on facebook, I think it's childish and disrespectful to talk about me to your crackbook friends and commenting that our son is impatient just like me. It's not necessary to talk about our son or myself on crackbook, please and thank you. Our separation and eventual divorce is what it is, let's keep this as mature as possible, it's whats best for the kids and us in the end."
It's not that hard, you just have to say the words, push them out of your mouth and direct them toward her without getting argumentative and confrontational, just be confident and firm when you say these things, and don't text or email her or leave a voicemail, the next time you see her in person, bring it up, like this: "Hey I've been meaning to talk to you about a few things...."
Take care of business instead of complaining quietly in a remote location. That's how you take back control otherwise you will always be complaining about how it eats at you.
When you start communicating confidently and effectively and letting her know that she's crossing boundaries she shouldn't be, that's when she will stop telling you what you are doing is wrong or right.
robx will you look at my sit and hit me with a 2 x 4 for all the wrong things I have done?
LOL!
Nice! It always amazes me that people ask to be hit with 2x4's! It makes me think that most of you know what you are doing is wrong or off course, you just want to hear someone else say it ;-)
Here's a quick tip: live a great life, a life that you truly enjoy, in the end how many lives do you think you get to live? Wouldn't you rather live a good, fulfilling life, something that others would admire and want to emulate and be a part of?
If your spouses want to join you in your great life, they will, if they don't, consider it their loss (seriously it is their loss), they will sit in their corners, mumbling and grumbling and acting pissy towards you because of your ability to be happy and move on with your life without dying inside & crying 24/7 because of the loss of the relationship.
Read that last part a few times and determine which person you are: the happy one moving on with their great life or the one sitting in the corner being angry at the world with the "life isn't fair" attitude.
I already sent her a text saying, you should go to the old house and have a look yourself, I am swamped right now, I will get the kids later. She replied that she was not asking me to..... just that there is so much stuff that I brought over.
I will not reply to that, she can be a big girl and go look herself. As far as the FB, I dont wnat her to think I am focusing on her page, So I guess I dont even want to bring it up. The way it reads I dont think it was an insult, we always joked about my impatience, waiting on her to get ready, driving places, you name it I complained about it.
Rob I feel I am throwing off the right attitude, I am having a life, I am not pouty, or sad around her or any of that. I have not brought up the R or asked her to reconsider her decision in weeks. I have moved in with a buddy and she is at her new place.
I told her over the weekend that I was fine with her decision and that being together right now is not going to work. I have not done anything to contradict that statement. It is natural I guess to feel sad when the W puts stuff out there that she is on top of the world where she is at right now, she hasnt even been in her place for a week yet, so I guess my impatience is getting the best of me.
Read that last part a few times and determine which person you are: the happy one moving on with their great life or the one sitting in the corner being angry at the world with the "life isn't fair" attitude.
Tigger or Eeyore
The wonderful thing about tiggers Is tiggers are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber; Their bottoms are made out of springs! They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!
Oh the wonderful thing about tiggers Is tiggers are wonderful chaps! They're loaded with vim and with vigor; They love to leap in your laps! They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy, Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!
Tiggers are cuddly fellas. Tiggers are awfully sweet. Ev'ryone else is jealous. That's why I repeat and repeat:
The wonderful thing about tiggers Is tiggers are wonderful things! Their tops are made out of rubber; Their bottoms are made out of springs! They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!
As stupid as that song is you know you just sang it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The W texted me and asked if I wanted her to drop off the kids at my house after she picks them up? I said i am in the city, I will pick them up as originally planned. She did not respond. I did this because as TH says, I cant keep letting her be in the drivers seat, was it just a nice gesture on her part? maybe maybe not, but I basically just told her lets stick to whatwe agreed to earlier and left it at that.
Before things went South for me, my X called me Tigger because I was so "bouncy".
I kidd you not, the house has Holiday decorations galore in storage with that character: Gigantical Tigger in a Santa's cap, Tigger with bat wings, Tigger is everywhere. I even have some Tigger guitar picks.
--Good days back when I was Tigger I missed that guy while he was away for most of the last year
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/25/1007:34 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I did this because as TH says, I cant keep letting her be in the drivers seat
Actually, I said you need to get out in front and lead. You do this by making lists of things that need to be done and then doing them if nothing else works
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I missed that guy while he was away for most of the last year