OK. I understand that I cannot ask her for her approval for my decisions but there has been a long silence over our R.
She wanted me to tell her what I think about the situation. Her behavior coupled with her fear ofer her health has changes some of the dynamic. I want to tell her that I have accepted the fact that I may have to move out, but I don't want to slam the door on my way out.
I want to let her know that I have recognized that the last time seven years ago we went through a similar phase and I know now that I did not handle things well after getting a chance from her. It's important because she brought it up recently.
I also want to tell her that I will be supportive of her health issues. Sometimes people with sickness withdraw themselves from loved ones. I don't want her to think that I've decided to run and have no regard of that.
And finally I'd like to find a way to throw out the re-inventing our R. I have never asked her to consider that, even when I was doing the initial begging and crying.
What if she is open to that now? What if she is looking for some strength from me that does not include separation?
How do I put it all together in a strong honest and convinceable way? I have to end this stalemate.
What if she is looking for some strength from me that does not include separation?
What would show her strength?
What has she said she wants?
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She wanted me to tell her what I think about the situation.
What is your plan for staying or going?
Where would you live?
What does your L say?
Whats the plan on the dogs?
How and why would you support her with the health issues either way?
You can't reinvent anything if you stay the same. What are you doing to get wiser, understand women more, become attractive, interesting and confident?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
At this point I think she wants my decision how to end the stalemate. It has been over 4 months without me saying anything about it.
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What has she said she wants?
At the day of the bomb she wanted to get rid of me. Since then she has not said anything other than that she is waiting for my answer.
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What is your plan for staying or going?
Only choice I have is to move. House is hers and I am not going to buy her out even though I love it and it's location.
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Where would you live?
I would rent until all the dust settles.
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What does your L say?
Only consultation I eve had was about trying to get my half of the house equity. It's doable but will get ugly.
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Whats the plan on the dogs?
My plan is to keep then together as a pack with the house. I've seen too much anxiety and suffering pets go through when separated from their home and from each other. It's bad enough that they lose on of the masters.
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How and why would you support her with the health issues either way?
Is that a trick question? Empathy? Friendship?
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What are you doing to get wiser, understand women more, become attractive, interesting and confident?
With variable success I have learned how to listen to her and pay more attention to her. I have learned how to stop "Old Pookie" on it's tracks when dealing with predictable situations. I have tried different responses and have surprised myself quite often. Long ways to go but it's been working in little steps.
Attractive, interesting and confident - these have always been my qualities but I have been a doormat for quite some time now and need to figure this out.
It is very hard to be interesting if your W knows you so well. Confidence part is a subjective topic. I am much more confident about movin on with my life at home. I don't sit around moping. I find chores to do and take care of the pets and myself. I cook myself often and completely enjoy time alone when she is not around. I do not miss her a bit and it does not bother me what time she shows up. If I could only justify to myself that there is some work in the yard and on the house that needs to be done, I would feel really good. That requires cash investment and I don't know if I should go ahead and do that. Although lately I've been thinking, so what it's just money. Why not just go ahead and replace a few windows and garage doors. It was on my list long before the bomb.
You need to have your plan thought out and ready to articulate to your wife. No pressure (she doesn't have to decide or choose anything) on her. Let her go so she can decide what to do.
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It is very hard to be interesting if your W knows you so well.
Then you really need to think about how selfish you are by asking her to stay with someone who is boring her out of her skull. (sarcasm intended ) Put yourself in her shoes. You can reinvent yourself and still be you. Become attractive because it will help your relationship or it will help you down the road.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I am moveing out period and we can talk about the logistics of my move, equity, posessions, belongings and removal of my personal stuff when you're ready.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I cannot force her to move even though I have said before that the one who is unhappy should leave. The house has been under her name for the past 7 years out of 10 years we've lived in it.
I can offer to buy out her half - that's the possibility.
The deadline is looming because she asked me to commit to a date when I could give her the answer what I want to do and I did.
I understand that I don't have to agree to either of us to move and tell her something completely different but the alternative is to tell her that I feel strongly that the current stalemate needs to end and I would be committed to work on myself and my half of the issues. If she disagrees I will say that I need to move out then.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Sir Gawain pondered this dilemma. Either way struck him as a blessing and curse. Being the courteous knight that he was, however, he could respond in only one fashion: “Dear lady, the decision must be yours not mine.”
) Put yourself in her shoes. You can reinvent yourself and still be you. Become attractive because it will help your relationship or it will help you down the road.