Ok, I need some help here. As the trip to Disney grows closer, if my W brings up my not going again, I'm feeling compelled to say something like "I'm sad your choice to keep OM in your life makes it impossible for us to enjoy such a wonderful experience as a family." Is that a truth dart, or just more demonstration of weakness?
"I have decided this M isn't what I want. I don't want to confuse you or the kids and take a trip together."
Then book a gig in Memphis for that weekend.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This is a surreal world we live in here. Would be so bizarre to meet you folks in person!
Yes, of course my W is inconsistent. What else is new? She is supposedly worried about getting the kids' hopes up, but she hates the idea of going to Disney without me, so she justifies it to herself.
I'm planning on giving her some variant of a gucci speech:
"WAW. I have been doing some thinking and I decided you're right. We should just relax and have fun and stop talking about the relationship. Go ahead and date others. I now see what you meant. I want to date others too. If we are meant to be together, then nothing can hold us apart. As far as sleeping with others, that's our own personal business. Let's just play it by ear from here on out, and we'll see what happens.
To be blunt nothing sounds new with your W. I wasn't making the observation to point out AGAIN your W is wishy washy. I was asking you what YOUR issue was with the trip? The "W/OM" issue or the fact it injects more hope in your children that you are taking a family vacation?
Ok, I need some help here. As the trip to Disney grows closer, if my W brings up my not going again, I'm feeling compelled to say something like "I'm sad your choice to keep OM in your life makes it impossible for us to enjoy such a wonderful experience as a family." Is that a truth dart, or just more demonstration of weakness?
"I have decided this M isn't what I want. I don't want to confuse you or the kids and take a trip together."
Then book a gig in Memphis for that weekend.
Love that -- perfect.
I was going to say -- when she gives you the crap about "selfish" and "disappointing the kids" to respond something like:
"I'm really sorry you feel that way. I decided that such a trip just didn't really work for me right now, considering everything that's happened."
If we are truly working on reconciliation, then I have no problem going on the trip to Disney. It would be a chance to build good memories, and bond us together. Since my W refuses to completely sever her connection to OM, and since she started throwing out her "open marriage" ideas, we are still headed toward divorce, so it would be irresponsible to mislead the kids. It does make me sad, and that's why I want to say something to that effect to my W regarding the trip.
I see your problem ... disappointing the kids now, or disappointing them later when the Disney dream doesn't bring their parents back together. IMO, it would be prudent to go to Disney once you are a true family, reunited under one roof. Rather, let the children get used to separate holidays until then.
I say, stick to your boundaries ... your wife knows why you aren't going ... she ain't that stupid ... on the contrary, she is very clever and knows how to get her own way, and I am sure in normal circumstances that wouldn't be a problem, but now you are aware, and need to tread carefullly. If she asks again, just reply, "so OM is off your FB and we're going to date exclusively?" Or, just a "no" would suffice.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Ok, I need some help here. As the trip to Disney grows closer, if my W brings up my not going again, I'm feeling compelled to say something like "I'm sad your choice to keep OM in your life makes it impossible for us to enjoy such a wonderful experience as a family." Is that a truth dart, or just more demonstration of weakness?
"I have decided this M isn't what I want. I don't want to confuse you or the kids and take a trip together."
Then book a gig in Memphis for that weekend.
Future, I've read your sitch and I'm sorry your here. I agree with this . . . and I'm in Memphis.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
Future, I vote for Memphis too. You keep giving her ultimatiums, drawing your line in the sand, and she comes back with a "compromise", which pretty much means to do it her way. My XH said that he never wanted a divorce, he just wanted to keep his relationship going with OW and sleep in the spare bedroom until he figured it out. If I would have let him, he'd still be there My sense is that your W is pretty similar.
As someone who cut the cord, I'm much, much happier now. We're cordial, and he asked for another chance not long ago, but he hasn't done anything that would make me think that he has changed.
If not Memphis, I hear Nashville is nice too! Either is better than Disney World, given the current circumstances. You can take the kids, even, if you want with you to TN!
