When you find yourself in a hole the first thing you need to do is stop digging. Once you mentioned the file at work you were knee deep.
Knee deep?
Neck deep, at least.
I thought I was doing really good, too. I validated and did everything I was supposed to. Then I slipped up and said this. Does it really matter, though? She has not done one thing to stop this or even slow it down. I'm sure she thought I would just go along with things as long as she wanted me to. Now she knows I have been keeping track of things she says and does. It's too late to take it back now and I don't care. I have to protect myself and the kids.
You know, I'm not sure how I never hooked into your thread, but I'm almost glad that I read it in it's entirety. Dude you are an inspirational figure. I think it's easy to read along and not see the whole story and the evolution of how we became. I'm not all the way there but thank you for the roadmap. I may need it soon.
Say, I revived an old post I found that you might find useful gong forward. It's called "how to be strong and loving" check it out.
I'll stay up to speed now.
Cheers.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
I have read your posts on some of the same threads I usually post on; Dan, Pinhead, etc. You have some really good advice and insights. You seem, to me, to be one of the naturals at this.
I have read your thread and followed along from the beginning. You're right, all of this would be shocking if it wasn't so common.
I don't understand this, though:
Quote:
Dude you are an inspirational figure.
I'm serious. I have made so many mistakes and have been afraid of doing what I was told by the vets. The only inspiration I have given people is what not to do. If that helps then I guess that's a good thing.
I am getting there. When I finally started exposing her lies to family and friends, she went bat-sh!t crazy. She was livid. Said I was lying to them and throwing her under the bus to make her look bad and to turn everyone against her. I have done a better job of staying in control and not arguing with her, validating her feeling and calling B.S. when needed. I have been to see a L and we are filling out paperwork. Nothing has been filed yet and I'm still unsure(scared) of doing so. That being said, I realize that only now, almost a year after the bomb, she is finally feeling some consequences of her actions. The kids came home on the first day of school and asked if she and the super were dating. Her mom hung up the phone on her when she told her she was staying away from the house all weekend to go work at a bar out of town. Her sisters have told her she needs to stay home with her H and kids and fix things, she is not 21yo anymore and has responsibilities to her family.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is her house of cards (lies) is starting to tumble, and I know part of the reason is the things I have finally done to expose and not put up with crappy behavior from her. I would have been in much better shape if I would have done it sooner. Fear held me back. Fear is keeping me undecided about actually filing. Not good, I know. Doing the hard things is working. Even if she doesn't decide to come back, things would be better than they are now. I have no doubt.
Puppy, Sandi, Rob, Gucci, Coach, Greek, Steve, etc. are all right. They all tell us this stuff when we first get here but we all think our version of the sitch is different. There are variances but, at the core, they are all pretty much the same. We don't do what they tell us, yet they keep coming back and trying to explain to us why, if anything will work, what they are telling us to do will. It's hard to hear and it sucks. I didn't listen. Now here I am. Still not in a very good place.
But I think, finally, I am getting there.
The rings are off and I am pressing forward. Probably not as fast as I should. I continue to get support here from LSG, Pigskin, Dan, Pinhead, and others. I wish I didn't need it so much but, right now, I do.
Thanks to all and thank you, Goodman, for following along. Maybe we can help each other. That's what we're all her for, right?
I respectfully disagree. Maybe I have a different outlook than most, but to me, the inspirational figures in history are not the people/teams/armies that succeed from the outset. It's the ones who get their head handed to them, sometimes over and over, sometimes through their own fault or failings, but still persevere. Even in the face of certain annihilation, they pick up their gear and advance.
Many times, the inspirational figures contemplate giving up. Sometimes they even do it, but something or someone changes their mind and they summon the strength to rise up and charge into the breach once more. The truly inspirarational are not giants. They're frail, weak humans just like us, with the same fears and pain. They make the same stupid mistakes and suffer for them. Just like us. But they NEVER give up. They get beat and bloodied and still keep trying to prevail, because that's the way they're wired.
So, I call BS on your appraisal sir. You will either be victorious or go down swinging. That's what we should all aspire to.
Cheers.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
"It's easy to grin, when your ship's come in and you got the world at your feet and the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat."
Feeling froggy on a Friday afternoon.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
"It's easy to grin, when your ship's come in and you got the world at your feet and the stock market beat. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat."
Tomorrow, while W is working at the bar, I am taking the kids boating and fishing. Same plans for Sun. Camping, boating and fishing with the four people in this world who mean the most to me. What's not to like about that?
I respectfully disagree. Maybe I have a different outlook than most, but to me, the inspirational figures in history are not the people/teams/armies that succeed from the outset. It's the ones who get their head handed to them, sometimes over and over, sometimes through their own fault or failings, but still persevere. Even in the face of certain annihilation, they pick up their gear and advance.
Many times, the inspirational figures contemplate giving up. Sometimes they even do it, but something or someone changes their mind and they summon the strength to rise up and charge into the breach once more. The truly inspirarational are not giants. They're frail, weak humans just like us, with the same fears and pain. They make the same stupid mistakes and suffer for them. Just like us. But they NEVER give up. They get beat and bloodied and still keep trying to prevail, because that's the way they're wired.
