Thanks Pin, I am at home W and kids are at their new place. I came home from C appt, W had come by the house, and as I was walking up she drove back up, had her car packed up, and said " D thought she left her shoes here, but tey are in the car, so we just drove bak for that" I said ok, gave the kids a hug and kiss and told them I would see them tomorrow. Didnt say anything to the W just waved to her as I walked up the driveway. I was hoping to get a little feedback on the interaction from my post above, if anyone has any advice, comments or want to give me a cyber slap.
W and kids stayed at the new house last night, W called my phone this morning, i didnt answer the first time so she called again, I answered in case it was important. She asked if S backpack was here, I said I will look. I hung up went in his old room and it was hanging on the door, called her back and said its here I will leave it on the counter for you to get later. Well she said i will come by and get it now, I said he doesnt start school until monday and you still have a lot of other stuff to get. She came by anyway. I gave it to her, she looked like she got run over by a truck, must have been a rough first night. I went out gave the kids a hug and kiss and told them I would get them for the gym today.
I think its funny that she had to think of something to get to come over this morning. SHe probably has 5-10 more trips to make to the house to get stuff, and she comes by for his backpack which he doesnt need yet.... I was cordial not a jerk, but did not talk to her much. When we were separated before, she never slept in her bed at her house, she would not sleep well and always sleep on her couch. If she starts feeling like this is a mistake she will be too bullheaded to say anything, but again I cant worry about that. Life must go on.
The backpack is a safe thing to pickup. It's not "her" stuff, that reminds her of leaving. She's trying to see if the soft landing cushion is still there.
I agree Pin, like she does many times she moves at 100MPH initially, and still has a bunch to still pick up. I am going to start moving stuff over to my place today and thru the weekend. When I am over at the new place she will not come by unannounced, she will feel uncomfortable doing so. My C told me last night that the W still feeels comfortable with me being at "our" house, when I leave there will be more mystery and darkness as to what I am doing. We will see each other today for the S teacher parent meeting, then I will try and be dark until church on saturday night. For a while she was just texting me now she calls me more.
as we have all said before texting is not personal enough. She could have texted me, but she called instead. she called me twice while I was at the gym yesterday and I replied 40 mins later by text. I also did not stick around for the dinner she invited me to. She stayed in her house for the first time, and I believe she wanted to hear my voice. As pin said above, what she came by for at the house this morning was not important, she was checking up on me. My C said she will have work and the kids keeping her busy, and will miss the interaction with me. He said adults need adult interaction, and she will not have that with me going forward unless its church, or with the kids. I told her the other day I have accepted her decision, no mention of trying to work on things, just stated I have decided to let go.
I have been some what of a "melty man" off and on for the last month and with the separation it will be a lot easier to move away from those actions. When she comes by to get more stuff from the house, she will notcie more of my stuff gone, the reality will set in, she will overcome it or not, again thats her problem, not mine. I am overcoming the reality of the situation. And I think that is why we are here, to get ahead of our WAS in regards to reality. You work and deal with your emotions, but while they live in fantasy we live in reality.
It will get easier with the separation. You'll have some warning when she comes over, so you can put melty man back in the freezer. Living with the WAS while in limbo is much tougher I think, since there's no telling when you'll be weak.
Thats why I feel better already, I miss the kids more than the W that has been the W for the last 2 months anyway. I need to go start boxing some sh!t up and start figuring out where I am putting stuff at the new casa.
I am looking forward to gettting the kids today, and talking S to meet his teacher and see where is classroom will be. NO contact with W today, which is good, getting some stuff put together at the house to move. I started to think about what you said Pin, about the soft cushion, she knows I will be outta here this weekend, and I am sure she will not want to come by the house I am staying at, any kid exchange will either be at her place or at a public place I am sure. Movin along......
Before I left to pick up the kids, W shows up with them at the old house. S wants to ride with me to his new school. He starts to cry about the fact that Daddy is not staying at the new house. I picked him up held him, and said daddy is staying at a new house too, he can stay with daddy whenever you want, I am here for you. I started to get choked up, and cheered him up with picking up a cherry limeade from sonic on the way to school. I told the W that S wanted to drive with me and I would meet her there.
We showed up at the school went through the orientation, and took his supplies to his cubby. W said she had an appt. at 5 it was already 4:30 SO i told her she should probably go. Which she did, and I took the kids to the gym. I told her I would check the kids in at church for my group meeting and she could pick them up there.
On my way to church which the group started at &, got a call from the W around 6:40 she said her 6 oclock cancelled and I said why dont I meet you somewhere to drop off the kids. She asked me if I could take them to church so she could go tan, I said sure.
I checked the kids in, and texted the W that she could pick them up, and if she needed the id tickets she could text me when she got there and I would come out to the looby or she could just give them the code and get the kids. During the group she texted me and said Im here, I met her in the lobby and she asked which room they were in, i started to think just go and ask, she can figure it out, but instead I said they are in the last room on the left, after that I went back to group.
I went with a couple of guys to get something to eat afterwards, and met up with some ladies. No contact from W, which is what I expected. But talking to the ladies, 1 of them is going through a D, the other has been separated from her H for 5 months. I pretty much spoke with the separated one for most of the night. She said her H neglects her, is arrogant and doesnt give a crap. She has been separated for 5 months and still calls him daily. So I told her he still feeels like you are there, no matter what. I said you need to go dark, and expressed more DB tactics to her. She will start them or not, but it felt good to pass on to someone what I have done before and what new things I have learned.
I dont know the plan for the kids this weekend, but i will let the W initiate any talks about that. I am going to move stuff to the other house, and some stuff in storage.
While at the school orientation I was playful with the kids and chipper, the W was a little grumpy. I keep phone and text conversations short, not angry or mean just the facts.
