I don't think it's something you can "pull off." It has to be an honest decision on your part. Otherwise you're just using Pinhead's Patented Strategy Of The Day...
I have been thinking along the same lines. She needs to hear exactly that.
What follows scares me. If I need to follow up with actions then the logistics of separating will be a nightmare.
I can certainly just leave evrything behind and move out, but I don't trust her with our pets. Even though she has gotten more responsible and sober lately, I don't trust her enough yet.
I know that it's not my problem but it would bother me all day and night thinking whether she has neglected the animals and went back to her drinking sprees.
Maybe I should add some of that to my statement. "You have shown very little regard towards our pets for last 5 months and until I am comfortable that you have the will to take care of them I will not discuss the logistics of the separation."
Honestly I don't know how that will ever work given her schedule and style.
If you're concerned about the welfare of your pets, tell her that you'll be taking care of them when either of you leaves.
That would only work if she leaves. The pets and the house need to stay together. I have seen enough animal anxiety after relocation and splitting owners and packs.
I was just reading my journal that I have kept since April. Just looking how I have progressed as well as how W has changed her behavior over time.
It is strange that if I did not read it I would remember only fraction of what has happened. I always thought that keeping a diary was a silly female thing.
When W dropped a bomb she was angry resentful miserable b**** who disappeared every single day including weekends for over 3 months in a row. She never offered any explanations other than “We are not a couple anymore, so I can do what I want”. She neglected our dogs, stopped talking to family and if for some reason she was home, she just yelled and blamed me for her misery.
Although nothing has fundamentally changed yet, since I took a surprise vacation in the beginning of July a lot has actually changed. Although everything has been baby steps, the changes are evident.
She was very interested where I went and with whom. She even speculated to one of my friends that I must have an A. I picked a location that really got to her nerves. A place in Europe that we always talked about visiting but never did.
So for a last month, she has been home much more often, we have gone out to dinners numerous times and she has cooked at home (something that she completely stopped doing). We’ve had enjoyable weekends when she did not drink and get belligerent. I know Gucci yelled at me for allowing her to control one of those weekends, but I took it at face value.
Now, I know that I am not at all out of the woods, but a strange though came to my mind. Cloves off all the anti mind reading crowd – that’s why I am here to hear what you have to say.
What if she did her own 180 to seriously catch my attention? What if she is waiting for me to react in certain way. Obviously I have reacted and probably not the way she thought I would.
But the question is – am I doing a right thing of further distancing myself and appearing as that I don’t care. She has been nagging me about my decision but I am no longer certain what she really wants to hear. I know that the decision has to be made. I either have to tell her that I’m ready to move out or tell her that I could buy the house from her and that she is not fit to keep our dogs which will stay with me. The latter requires for me to be very stern and borderline mean. I could make it less mean by offering a legal contract where I would resume paying her mortgage for certain duration after which I either buy the house or sell it in her behalf.
This is my main issue right now and it’s bugging me day and night. I don’t deserve to be stripped from my “family” and the house I have invested in for 10 years. Simply handing it over to her in hopes of reconciliation may be totally wrong thing to do. Of course she could refuse my alternate offers and we will end up in court. There are laws and judges sympathetic to cohabitants tha have shared their lives the same as married couples.
W came home rather late last night. She walked in looking absolutely stunning. She was wearing a skirt (she hardly ever wears skirts to work). The skirt was sexy but professional. She also had on a pearl necklace that we bought from Japan couple of years ago. I said "I haven't seen you in a skirt for a long time, forgot how beautiful your legs are." She smiled, thanked me and sat down. As I still could not get my eyes off her I noticed that she had manicured her toes as well. I said "And nice color toe nail polish, goes well with your necklace". She smiled again and said that she had some important clients visiting from out of town and she needed to make an impression. I agreed that impressive she sure is.
We talked a little and she said that it was a long and exhausting day and that she is going to sleep.
I turned back to Military Channel and she left the room.
Minutes later she came back down still fully dressed sat next to me and asked if I could help to take off her necklace. That was strange because it’s rather long and she could have easily turned it around and unhooked it from her front.
She inched closer and closer to me. If pheromones had odor I could smell it. I felt tingling in my stomach moving downwards. I gently but carefully ran my fingers through her hair pulling it to the side. I could feel a gentle shiver going through her spine. Her legs slowly moved apart but she quickly pulled them back together.
I undid the necklace and removed it while gently sweeping my hands against her neck one last time. She turned to me with her lips inches away from mine and said “thank you”.
I moved back to my TV watching position and said “you’re welcome”.
For a next minute or so she remained seated and she had this face that I know well. The face of “I want to say something or do something, but I am not sure”. I did not react to that, kept watching the Nazis marching across my TV screen.
She then stood up and said “Thank you again and have a good night”. I think last time she said good night was 6 months ago.
I took one more glimpse at her as she walked away. I felt proud, aroused, sad and angry all at the same time.
She inched closer and closer to me. If pheromones had odor I could smell it. I felt tingling in my stomach moving downwards. I gently but carefully ran my fingers through her hair pulling it to the side. I could feel a gentle shiver going through her spine. Her legs slowly moved apart but she quickly pulled them back together.
I undid the necklace and removed it while gently sweeping my hands against her neck one last time. She turned to me with her lips inches away from mine and said “thank you”.
I moved back to my TV watching position and said “you’re welcome”.
For a next minute or so she remained seated and she had this face that I know well.The face of “I want to say something or do something,but I am not sure”. I did not react to that, kept watching the Nazis marching across my TV screen.
She then stood up and said “Thank you again and have a good night”. I think last time she said good night was 6 months ago.
So you focused on the TV?
Yep, she is not sure you are the right man for her. She was looking for some excitement, you failed the test.
Can't you see she was pursuing you? Cats love to hunt. She is all dressed up, smells great, asks you to help her, leans into you and you turn to watch TV (boring). So how did she react? She wanted you to lead once she was there. How is she acting this morning?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I wanted to be careful and not jump back in. I'd like to see this to be repeated. I don't think I was cold at all. I was nice and respectful. She allowed me into her protected space and I respected that and did not push. My physical contact with her was respectful. You have no idea how I wanted to just grab her and carry her into the bedroom.
This morning was all smiles and she wished me a good day - something that has not been said lately either.
I don't trust these mood swings yet but I will certainly pay more attention now.
P69, Our W's are the same! Works everyday and late hours. Neglects the dog and shunned the kids for a few months and then finally me.
Fascinating question about further distancing yourself and appearing as if you don’t care. I find myself so into the GAL that I would have failed her test and acted aloof on the couch too.
You do better than me at giving compliments. My W went to work in a mini skirt Tues and I just chalked it up to her trying to get my goat so I said nothing to her.
We are now at the point we just leave the house without acknowledging each other.
I did send her an email telling her she will be removed from my auto insurance policy in a few days. Romantic huh?
I guess I can engage more but still stick to my plans.
I think other than the "catnip on the couch" you are doing well and I will continue to follow your thread because I see similarities to my own situation.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
