Thanks CityGirl for staying with me here. Yes, she is exhausting, isn't she? You know, sometimes I think this is all part of the plan, to finally kick me in my a**, and force me to be the man I should be. I've let the state of my R with women dominate so much of my life since about age 15. It's time I took that control back. The thing is, I think if I do that, my W just might be satisfied. In the mean time, my kids' childhoods are flying by...
I forgot about what she said about why she keeps OM on her fb ... Future, I think she thinks you're dumb, naive, and probably pliable. She actually thinks that she can say anything, do anything because deep down she knows you want the M more badly than she does. After all, she grew up in a broken home, and she turned out "okay" ... NOT. Good grief! She probably watched one of her parents playing these games and learned from it (I suspect the father?). Fortunately, you are not dumb or naive, and she is quickly finding out that you're not as pliable as you used to be. You are just a caring H and father. The best partner a girl could ever wish for.
It's peculiar that my H also grew up in a broken home, whereas my parents stuck together through thick and thin. I wonder if this is true for a lot of WAS vs LBS.
I can't believe she played the guilt card about the children and Disney. It's not as if going to a Disney playland is a stepping stone in a child's development. Or, am I being typically non-American? Missing their first day of school, or graduation, or wedding ... these are the things a parent should not miss.
You are not boring. She probably is going through a MLC of some sort, and one's spouse is always the one to blame for these things. I find the nicest spouses fall prey to being blamed for the most outrageous things that they did not do, history redesigned to fit the story of why the WAS is having the affair ... the list goes on.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
once all this chase business is part of the past will she be content with a "regular R"?
excellent question. i am glad someone finally asked it.
It will never be a "regular relationship." She is not "the girl" he met on the 'T' coming back from Porter Square that became the wife that will only think of him. The chase is important it has to continue. Once it stops the relationship fizzles. You are reading about here. You can read about it in 20 other threads on this board. Go to any social function or to dinner and see it first hand, the couple that stands apart, the couple that doesn't talk at the table, the wife checking out some guys crotch or the husband staring at some other woman's breasts. They are bored out of their gourds. There is no challenge.
There is nothing wrong with serving up a little "mystery fruit cake." The first thread I posted on this board was, 'what does it mean when your wife tells you to get yourself a girlfriend.' and I got some lame answers. Its a pity a lot of people don't understand this. The people who divorce here and never come back learn it quick. The folks with teenage daughters can observe it first hand. If someone is falling in love with you because you need them and can't live without them, they are codependent also.
The chase is better than the catch. If you are unobtainable then someone is striving to obtain you. They are trying to attract and impress you as you are attracting and impressing them. You challenge each other. You are constantly trying to be better and sexier and cooler.
"What's cooler than cool?" (Andre 3000 right?)
Ice Cold. Once you bore them, they move on and you have a hell of a time winning them back. Its not hard to realize what won them over in the first place is the same thing that will win them back. The challenge. The quest. The infatuation.
And if it don't, well, you are already better and sexier and cooler. And you know what you want. You are lying if you say as you are driving along in your car you don't sing along:
Quote:
My baby don't mess around. Because she loves me so. And this I know for sure.
To me, it is really unfortunate that there have to be all these games and "the chase". I love my wife more than anything and all I want is for her to be happy with me and our family. Why is it that she cannot be content with what we have? For her to tell me what it is that is lacking so that I can provide it. It is what I want to do and what I need to do, but I have to know what that is. I cannot divine it from thin air.
I'm sorry, but to me, after all these years and children together, it is just pathetic for it to end like this......
I don't debate AT ALL there must be *something* within a long term R that keeps things interesting. But (IMO of course) what Future's W wants is the option to "chase" other men if she feels like it AND have Future as her husband. IMO that cannot really continue in a marriage if that is the road they get on yet Mrs. Future seems to suggest/hope (if I am understanding all of this correctly) that it might work for them.
To me a "regular R" or "regular marriage" does not involve ANY third parties! The "dance" should be between two people (husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever the case may be) but not a husband/wife and somebody else when things get boring. Unless I am totally misunderstanding all of this it seems Mrs. Futre is wanting a very "modern" framework to the marriage.
Ice Cold. Once you bore them, they move on and you have a hell of a time winning them back. Its not hard to realize what won them over in the first place is the same thing that will win them back. The challenge. The quest. The infatuation.
And if it don't, well, you are already better and sexier and cooler. And you know what you want. You are lying if you say as you are driving along in your car you don't sing along:
Quote:
My baby don't mess around. Because she loves me so. And this I know for sure.
And this explains why so many LBS continue to pursue their WAS, even when the spouse isn't a good match for them in a long term R.
I finally got the 'mystery fruit cake' thing too. I was confusing the metaphor to "cake eating" instead of being mysterious which is why I was slow on the uptake.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
This is SO frustrating, because it's exactly the OPPOSITE of what my W says. She says she wants someone who loves her completely, who cherishes her, who is generous with himself, who spoils her. Doesn't sound like she wants a chase or challenge.
Of course she's full of it. It IS the chase that get's her feelings of love and infatuation going, but she won't admit it to herself. She truly believes that the reason she loses her feelings of love after the chase is over is because the man doesn't love her enough. Does anyone here think I don't love her enough??!!!
And to think that I was really upset with him at one point.