Journaling--Unfortunately, MIL's cancer has spread in her bones. She starts chemo Friday. I don't know much more because she just started wanting to talk to people this evening after finding the results out on monday. H talked to her for a bit and asked me to go see her. I'm going to barge in on them tomorrow with my little guy and try to hold it together and to rouse up her fighting spirit.
Google tells me this is likely very, very bad. I haven't sobbed so hard in years. Back is that split second when you wake up and all that is wrong hits you like a ton of bricks because you were able to forget while you slept. Only now it's not H having left me, it's this.
Today has been better and this isn't about me. It's time to buck up and find strength because positive attitudes can only help. Another good side to things with H and I being semi-reconciled is that I can be here for my ILs and not have to do it on the down-low as to not p1ss him off. I think things are also better between H and my MIL cause it was strained because she made it clear that she didn't like what he did to me. I'm grateful that none of that drama will distract any of us from doing all we can to support her.
Last edited by Freckle6; 08/19/1003:02 AM.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Journaling--MIL had her first chemo last week and miraculously didn't get sick at all. She's in good spirits and we're all just focusing on this set of chemo treatments. One step at a time...
In other news, I think this weekend will be a big one with me and H. He hasn't totally come out and said it plainly, but he wants to move back here soon.
Last night he was telling me how much he hated it where he was. Today is the night he always had our son for visitation while I worked at my 2nd job.Most of the summer I didn't work there because I had surgery and couldn't lift anything. I've been back for a few weeks and H has been bringing our son back here and they stay here. Last night I asked him if he was coming here or taking S to his place--I didn't want to assume anything and it is his legal visitation time.
He said he was bringing him here and he wants to be here as much as he can. Then he said he misses me and S and wants to be with us. And he said we needed to talk. Kind of a reverse bomb, I guess?
I'm very nervous about this. This is a huuuuuuuge deal. He didn't just move out a few weeks, or even months ago. It's been almost 5 years and 5 months! And the fact that we're legally divorced makes it seem like an even bigger deal to me. And that this involves a 6 year old little boy who never remembers his mom and his dad living in the same house.
Eeek. I'm nervous about this.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
H gave notice to his landlord and will be moving back here. Almost 5.5 years he's been gone and it'll be 11 months since he fully emerged from the fog. It's like a lifetime ago. He has a whole other household of stuff, so it should be interesting trying to do this.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
I think it just really goes to show that isn't really anything a LBS can do to make their S see the light and work on the M. DBing gives you something to focus on and control when everything else is out of control in your life and gives you a blueprint on how to take the high road with dignity and not do things that will further damage the R.
After 12 years together I got the ILYBINILWY and he had no interest in "trying" and didn't think it was possible to get those feelings back if they had gone. Fast forward 5 years to where I only spoke to him when absolutely necessary for years and I was definitely not doing anything to "win him back". Then suddenly he's feeling that bond again enough to want to be with me without any action on my part?
It was truly a fog and he's said as much to me about how he freaked out inside when I was pregnant and after the baby was born. So, it wasn't a MLC, but still an internal crisis on his part.
I can kind of understand the feelings because shortly after my son was born (like the first couple months) I kept thinking how my life was now completely different and that I couldn't hang out in a bar anymore on weekends. I hadn't been to a bar in years because I kind of outgrew all that 10 years before! But now after this momentous change I felt panicked at the idea that I couldn't do this even if I wanted to (which I still really didn't even want to...). Fortunately those crazy postpartum hormones settled down quickly and my brain returned to earth, but I guess my H's didn't until recently. It'd be interesting to see hormones or that science-y stuff studied and see if there is a correlation there.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
Back is that split second when you wake up and all that is wrong hits you like a ton of bricks because you were able to forget while you slept. Only now it's not H having left me, it's this. 
Almost 5.5 years he's been gone and it'll be 11 months since he fully emerged from the fog. It's like a lifetime ago. He has a whole other household of stuff, so it should be interesting trying to do this.