Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Found out this morning from our one and only mutual friend that W contacted her last night through an email.

So I know she received my email about the meeting.

Before I do more mind reading, has there been any one out there who cancelled a meeting with the WAS when they wanted to meet??

If so how did they respond?

tbart- I know you are a little head of my timeline.

Have you pulled away from your W at all?

trying not thnk about W, need to focus on better life for me.

I know if I meet with W I will be straight forward with my feelings.
I feel her friend is a drunk ho and she is becoming like her friend.(I'll have to bite my tongue hard not to say this).

gucci, it feels good.

Time to focus on my 40th, man oh man where does the time go??

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Puppy, and othrs who busted an affair and are now with spouse:

Me thinking aboout the what if's here.

How do you get through the thoughts about other people knowing your spouse slelpt with someone else.

Even if I did decide to work on M, I feel since she slept with someone at work there could issues there.

Do I ask her who she slept with?
I think this information would need to known, right?

[bustorama]

Hey gr8 day, a book that may help you with some of your questions about her affair with OM at work is

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

[beingreal]

Hi gr8,

I asked about the alt because sometimes it's easier to communicate there. Most of us have private accounts based on our screen names here, then you just become a fan of DB. I was just wondering.

I also think you did the right thing in canceling the meeting. If she is in that much confusion right now, I don't think anything productive could come out of a face to face.

As far as knowing all about the A & who the OMen were...

Is it really going to matter?

Is *who* she slept with going to impact whether or not you can forgive her & work on your M? Would you be more willing to get over an encounter with a skinny average looking dude than you would some good looking CEO?

I don't think it would because I don't think it matters to you. Your pain & feelings of betrayal aren't based on the OM, they are based on your W's actions. Knowing all the details won't help you if you decide to work on your M, but they might hinder your ability to work on it if you get caught up in those things you can't change. And then they just become future roadblocks that you are going to have to get through anyway, regardless if you get back together or go your separate ways.

So ask yourself if you really want to know? The logistics of her being in such a close work space with the OM is one thing... wanting to know details is another. Only you can answer that.



I know you were over on my thread in MLC, but have you read through any of the other ones there? Just from reading & from what I know about your sitch I have to wonder if your W is in MLC as opposed to being just a WAW. I know there are some who don't believe in MLC, and that's fine. There are a few differences in how you handle a WAW and an MLCer, though.

Almost all of us show up in MLC wanting to save the M, a lot of us end up not wanting that--like me. I'm not standing anymore... for a variety of reasons. The main difference is the work you do on yourself, you come to realize that you can't change the outcome, you can't change her mind, and tactics aren't going to work. What does work is how you get through this, and if it makes you a better person when this is done--regardless of outcome.

I don't agree with every facet of the MLC boards-- I think that your dating is not a bad thing, especially if it's been this long & you are doing it for the right reasons. I also don't think that you have to stand & wait for your M in order to show the other person that you love them. It's all in how you put the techniques into play. I've done so much work on myself in the past few months, I'm in a much better place than I was.

I hold absolutely no grudges or animosity towards my H. My life is already better & I'm grateful for the time we were together. I want nothing but good things for him, whichever path he chooses.

I couldn't have said that four months ago.


Anyway, just some thoughts, take them for what they are.

Hope you are having a good day!

btw--I saw you ramping up for your 40th, me too. What day? I just think that it's bizarre our sons were born on the same day.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

bustorama.thanks for the title. i'llcheck it out.

being real

i read your post thanks. im atlunch and will reply soon.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

BR

As far as knowing all about the A & who the OMen were...

Is it really going to matter?

I think is does somewhat b/c I think if it was someone who she wouldn't be in contact ever again would make it easier.

Someone who she works with makes it difficult to go to any work functions.

I understand why she did it. We didn't have a great sex life when married. The lack of communication inhibited both of us from expressing what we wanted. Our mutual friend said that she didn't want to get anyone b/c she didn't want to get hurt again.

She is setting herself up for more disappointments. Does meaningless sex really fulfill one needs? Especially for a woman?


As for the MLC, I thought that early on but haven't persued any information on that.

I know you have come a long way in four months, I know I am so much better than a year ago.
I have learned so much here and I am totally a stronger person.

As for FB, I'll create a new profile. who should I "friend" to get on the board?

FYI 10/5 for my 40th.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Gucci- since I have nothing to lose, what would be the next move?? I have already cancelled the meeting.

[beingreal]

Tell you what, make the profile, find DB & *like* it, and I'll find you & send you a bunch of suggestions. I know mostly the people from MLC, but I'm sure you'll see more names that you recognize.

My 40th is a more... infamous day, if you know what I mean.

I can understand that it would make it harder to go to work functions. I also think that it still might make an awkward situation more difficult if you knew. IF you two were to work it out & you end up at the company picnic with the OM, what is the worst that could happen? People talk? Wait for some kind of reaction? She'll have chosen you by that point & you'll have chosen to forgive her.

Everyone knowing that she slept with Ray from the mailroom who happens to be at the same picnic with you is just going to be fodder for gossip. It will only be as uncomfortable as you let it be. Because really, in the grand scheme of things, who gives a flying f&^% what the typing pool thinks if you've managed to get this back on track?

;o)

The two of you will know what has happened, and how much work you've done to get to that point. The only opinions that will matter will be your own.

Just my two cents.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Tell you what, make the profile, find DB & *like* it, and I'll find you & send you a bunch of suggestions. I know mostly the people from MLC, but I'm sure you'll see more names that you recognize.

Done, Greatday Tobe Alive, couldn't use letters


Just about two months, two days awat from my 40th.


Maybe I was getting ahead of myself thinkiong W wanted to tlak about R.

I have decided to take the advice from those here 100%.
I have nothing to lose at this point.
And I will be alright no matter the outcome, I know this is true too, 100%.

[beingreal]

Request & suggestions sent.

Good for you. This is as confusing as anything. But I like that attitude.

Regardless of the outcome... life will be good.

hang in there.