I think that they do odd things and it doesn't make sense to try to analyze their actions. They are adults, they know how to talk, they know where to find you. If anything has changed or is changing in their minds they will open their mouths and say so.
Perhaps its just another thing to look and and say "curious", shake your head and walk on.
If I shook my head every time my WAW did a curious thing in the last year, I would have the worst case of whiplash ever seen!
I was here 2 years ago and DB to save my marraige, 2 years later he came back with I am not happy, and the ILYBNILWY again, a week later he had me served, never told me he saw a lawyer, or filed. We were still living together, eating meals together and sleeping in the same bed.
Don't mean to highjack, just filling you in on where I am now.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I'll be moving to surviving the Big D one of these days. I really should be in separated, but I will wait until this thread is locked.
Right now, our agreement (no lawyers involved) is to make it legal in 2 years. I want to stay in the house with my kids until S is done high school. We will then sell the house, pay off the credit line, split what's left and sign an uncontested divorce.
I wonder how many others there are like Shelby and I - that were here years ago and wound up returning after they thought the D was busted.
Anyone else with thoughts on the WAS and Facebook etc?
Had a very brief phone conversation with WAW today regarding a comment D19 made. One comment she made stood out - "you are on an emotional roller coaster, so I am keeping my distance, but I am not angry"
And I thought I was doing a good job not showing what I am feeling. Obviously my actions have been less than consistent.
Hello BTM
If she said that to you...
1) You're not detaching correctly and your "emotions" are on your sleeve like a Neon sign or 2) She's testing you to see how you react.
Go back and to Robx's posts and READ AGAIN!
Just want you to know I've only began on detaching from my W, this is the FIRST full week of not doing one damn thing to initiate contact. IT HURTS. I miss her a lot! However, my biggest gift I can give her is to leave her alone. The biggest gift I can give myself is to move on with my life and better it without constantly thinking about her(ez to say only)
Focus on these signs, focus on you, focus on what you did 2 years ago that made it better. Did you do the stuff for you or to get her back? If you did it for both, then this time do it for YOU so the changes can last.
Had a very brief phone conversation with WAW today regarding a comment D19 made. One comment she made stood out - "you are on an emotional roller coaster, so I am keeping my distance, but I am not angry"
And I thought I was doing a good job not showing what I am feeling. Obviously my actions have been less than consistent.
Hello BTM
If she said that to you...
1) You're not detaching correctly and your "emotions" are on your sleeve like a Neon sign or 2) She's testing you to see how you react.
Go back and to Robx's posts and READ AGAIN!
Just want you to know I've only began on detaching from my W, this is the FIRST full week of not doing one damn thing to initiate contact. IT HURTS. I miss her a lot! However, my biggest gift I can give her is to leave her alone. The biggest gift I can give myself is to move on with my life and better it without constantly thinking about her(ez to say only)
Focus on these signs, focus on you, focus on what you did 2 years ago that made it better. Did you do the stuff for you or to get her back? If you did it for both, then this time do it for YOU so the changes can last.
I still have not even come close to detaching. I still think of WAW the moment I open my eyes and she's the last thing I think of before I close them at night.
I can't control my thoughts, but I can control my actions. I need to leave her alone and most importantly I need to GAL. It's the one aspect of dbing I know I suck at and yet, have made very little progress in.
I still have not even come close to detaching. I still think of WAW the moment I open my eyes and she's the last thing I think of before I close them at night.
I can't control my thoughts, but I can control my actions. I need to leave her alone and most importantly I need to GAL. It's the one aspect of dbing I know I suck at and yet, have made very little progress in.
You CAN control your thoughts, but it takes you to GAL and really, really coming to the reality that the more you do anything concerning her your just going to keep pushing her away.
It's ok to think about her, just force yourself to channel that energy into something else while you do it.
NOTHING will change your sitch more than letting go right now.
Why keep doing what doesn't work?
Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? I think it might help you.
I made myself a promise this morning while I was out for my morning walk.
I will not contact my WAW anymore unless it concerns finances and/or the kids. Since D19 starts university in a couple weeks, there is some discussion to be had there, but I will do it via email.
Go pick up the book "Ways of the Superior Man" and read it too. See how you feel after you read that piece of art. It's unreal how it opened my eyes. You will truly SEE how your Wife views you and how you need to view yourself.
Between those 2 books you will have a much easier time detaching I think.
