Robx - you nailed it! Anyone that is "stuck" should read this post.....and read it again....and read it again......
I read that book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" last night and it was an eye opener! I really now see the "attraction" issue and how important it is for your self respect to just let go.
At this time, this advice sounds horrible and against your nature, but it works!
Ask yourself what feels better...
Her coming to me because SHE WANTS too? or Me chasing her til she does what I WANT?
Tonight when I got home from work, my D19 asked if I wanted to join her, her boyfriend and S16 for dinner at the restaraunt my WAW and D work at. I had no plans and figured a free meal is never a bad idea.
While we were there WAW gave me money for groceries and when I asked. said she is not coming over to make dinner tomorrow. When we left, she hugged and kissed both kids and then gave me a hug. Instinctively, I hugged her back and said "nice to see you" and "I love you". By the time I realized what I said, it was too late.
Between saying ILY and asking if she was coming over tomorrow, I really screwed up.
One minor positive note: earlier today WAW called me regarding financial issues with D starting university next month. During that conversation, I brought up that I am still paying both our life insurance premiums. WAW is now going to start paying her premiums. May not seem like much, but it saves me $85.00 a month and I made my point calmly and firmly.
I also corrected her when she said something like "you don't like me". I calmly said "I won't allow you to say that - I do like you just as much now as I ever have". I will not stand for her deciding what I think or feel.
[quote=BeTheMan] You will only realize the truth in any of the words I have typed here today when you finally hit your personal threshold point, that point where that toggle switch on the back of your head gets turned on and you finally have this clarity in your life as to what you should do. Everyone is different, you can't force clarity of this nature on anyone, it happens when it happens and it will happen for you one day when you realize what you are truly worth and that you are being rejected by someone who isn't worth it - things will change in your situation when that day happens.
A Instinctively, I hugged her back and said "nice to see you" and "I love you". By the time I realized what I said, it was too late.
Between saying ILY and asking if she was coming over tomorrow, I really screwed up.
DOH! It was an accident, hope you didn't get some weak wimpy look on your face when she didn't say it back though.
You are aware why not to say it. I's tough man. Cut yourself some slack and move forward. Make her come to you.
We walked out right after I said it, and I didn't react in any way when she did not respond. I also managed to not react when she said she wasn't coming over tomorrow. Even I get it a tiny bit right every now and then.
Had a very brief phone conversation with WAW today regarding a comment D19 made. One comment she made stood out - "you are on an emotional roller coaster, so I am keeping my distance, but I am not angry"
And I thought I was doing a good job not showing what I am feeling. Obviously my actions have been less than consistent.
I'm not sure this question belongs in the middle of this thread..but....
What have other LBS noticed about their WAS in regards to social media? My WAW status on FB still says "married" and she still has all her old photo albums up. If and old friend were to stop by her FB profile, they would have no idea we have been separated for 8 months and are on our way to divorce.
My Husband had me served a month ago, at my work, but that's another story, HE moved out that day, anyways, we are still FB friends Crazy I know, but yes, he still has us listed as married and still has my pic, and of us together in his albums.
I don't know why or what he is thinking. I think it is odd also.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
I think that they do odd things and it doesn't make sense to try to analyze their actions. They are adults, they know how to talk, they know where to find you. If anything has changed or is changing in their minds they will open their mouths and say so.
Perhaps its just another thing to look and and say "curious", shake your head and walk on.
Shelby - I have never read your thread and should do so, but I hope you had some idea of what was coming. I hope he didn't serve you and move with no inkling.
My thinking is that maybe the WAS has moved on so far, that things like FB status, pics etc mean nothing to them. While we LBS look everywhere for anything, they are simply enjoying their new lives.
