LSG I used to live north of LA, what kind of work are you in, I still have a lot of contacts out there if it would help. In any case, I dknow I am making progress in regards to me, which is the ultimate goal. W has noticed but she is up and down, which I know is normal. So I will keep doing what I am doing.
A friend of hers I ran into last night, said with our first S, even though she had OM, W kept focusing on what I was doing, she would even hack into my emails and stuff while we were S and after I filed for D. I guess no matter how much she says she is done, is she really> her friend says the W gets like this and even though she wants to walk away she doesnt want anyone else to have me. Friend asked if I would take her back? I said right now if she was willing to work on it I would, but if D goes through I am done. I am not going to do this every couple of years with the W, when she gets unhappy time to run. She needs to grow out of that mentality its childish and frankly I am sick of it.
Good service at church. The message was about people losing themselves in trying to make their own "image" perfect. It had a lot of insight to what a lot of WA's i think go through. They look back on their M or R, and think this cant be all there is to life, so they try to paint this perfect picture, they pound it in their heads that this new life will be perfect, so they start to believe it. In reality we the LBS once we figure ths out, we can truly detach. The fact they think about the this new life, if you can realize it wont be all its cracked up to be for them, you can let go. For some they will take the W or H back, for others, once you move on so far, your done. You dont want to take them back and put yourself through that misery again. I went through it 3 years ago, and regret taking her back more and more now. I should left her in the bed she made for herself and moved on then. But I did take her back more for my kids than anything. So where to go from here..... tick tock tick tock..... I know where I am going, moving ahead without her, if I take her back in 2 days or 2 months or 2 years, that will depend on how far into my journey I have progressed.
I know where I am going, moving ahead without her, if I take her back in 2 days or 2 months or 2 years, that will depend on how far into my journey I have progressed.
No matter what, Life will go on. You never know whats around the corner. Bottle that attitude and just be the best you, you can be.
My chin is up Pin, we all got home this evening, a storm blew through and knocked out the power. We were parked next to each other in the driveway with about 10 inches of rain piling down, she texted me I said I am going to take the kids to get dinner, she kinda invited herself, mentioned one place I said no, then another I said sounds good and we went to dinner as a family. It was nice, she talked to me quite a bit, and again has not brought up the S instead of D since friday. I also mentioned earlier in the week that we need to divide stuff up this weekend, here it is sunday and no mention of it.
THe clock is ticking with our living arrangements, and something needs to happen pretty soon. I have already brought up the bills, that she needs to pay half of, which I did politely and told her we need to make arrangements on them this week. I could see the frustration in her eyes, I am not going to make things easier for her. That is not my job, with a D pending.
not much new to report, she complains that she cant sleep because of me(another thing that is my fault) but the funny thing is when she sits down in a room with me to watch a movie she falls asleep, when she goes to her room by herself she cant sleep. That is funny. Nothing has been brought up lately, D, S dividing stuff up, but if she doesnt this week I will have to, time is running out.
W had an early appt. She came home to take the kids to daycare, I was dressed up for an interview, and the first thing she said was that I looked nice. I thanked her, and she took the kids to daycare. She is very chipper today, and it drives me crazy, it gets me boiling that she can be so happy at times. I know that is normal but it still affects me, her ups and downs, but the ups get to me the most because I think it hurts the ego. You feel that you are not important to them and they can be completely fine with the way things are, that is the toughest for me to deal with.
