I am still in a confused state although handling it well.
W has been nice lately. I have been nice but somewhat distant. Last night she noticed that I was staring at her when she bent over to pet the dogs. Usually she would make a negative remark, but this time she turned around and simply said "you're looking at me". I said, "yes, I haven't done that for a long time - forgot how good you look". She smiled...
I don't know anymore what approach to take. 180 certainly has worked but how far and how long I need to do that.
The looming deadline of telling her about my decision is also around the corner.
Brad Paisley song comes to mind, "I'm still a guy."
If you didn't look, I'd be worried. I think my wife is always doing stuff to show off her weight loss. Last night was tough, she was lying back on an ottoman and chair, showing off her stomach... I'm half convinced she was doing it to drive me crazy. But that's mind reading. And yes, it drove me crazy.
You complimented her and she smiled back. No more, no less.
Next time you are checking out at a store compliment the cashier, I bet they smile back. If you take time to notice people it's win-win. I takes confidence to do this and it's attractive.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That means that past compliments that did not go over well may have not been sincere enough even though I thought they were.
My IC does not believe that W is evil and manipulating with her niceness and openness while waiting for my "decision". He thought that while I should be prepared to call the "quits" I shoul figure out the way to suggest "another look at the situation".
It takes careful wording and finding a right moment. He also said that I may want to write it so she can't have a knee jerk reaction and say no and cut short the conversation.
Some here have said that I should have a face to face talk.
I have learned a lot about myself, her, our R and our pasts. I am looking at the whole situation much differently now and I know what I need to do if I get another chance.
How do I let her know that and ask for a consideration for one last look at our R?
W went out with some clients who are from out of town. At the same time I was making arrangements to meet a friend that I have not seen for months. I texted her early enough to let her know that I was going to be late. She responded to say that she will be home at 7:30 pm.
She has never been so resolute in her answer so I believed her and proceeded with my plans. I left the house late this morning so I estimated that our 4 dogs will be fine until 7:30.
In the middle of the meeting with my friend around 7pm I got another text saying that the clients want to go for another drink and that she would like to do that. I responded saying that I was out with my friend and politely asked her to honor her promise to get home at the time she promised.
A few minutes later she called and I reluctantly picked up the phone. She was totally irrational to tell me that I should not be late since the friend that I was with never stays late and therefore I should be able to make home to tend to our dogs. I politely disagreed that I will be home when I want to be and the previous promise from her should stand.
She flew off the handle and said that if I was not living in the house she would be coming home first and this situation would not exist. I said that I WILL take care of it, "you're welcome" and hung up.
So here I am, cutting my night short, doing what I LOVE - hanging out with my four legged kids.
How do you deal with this disrespect and neglect towards the dogs that she is expressing?
In previous times she have pointed out that she paid for them and takes them to the vet when needed (her schedule is much more flexible than mine). It is like a child custody battle for us.
I know I am mad right now but I will not show any emotion when she finally comes home.
My pets are my kids. I don't mean to put them in an equal level with human children for other people, but for for me they are just as important.
Me and W decided long time ago that we did not want children. We were (and are) both animal lovers and always had dogs around us. That was one of the big bonds we developed. She once jokingly told me that if a human kills my dog I could kill him/her. That was a powerful statement of the passion we both had towards the "man's best friend". I felt the same way.
I just can't believe how she has been acting completely against her own self leaving all of it in my shoulders.
I know I am very emotional right now, but I have been coming home EVERY single day for the last 4 months, while she is doing whatever she likes, to take care of my "kids".
Why are the WAW's all the same? Why do they completely lose their hearts? Everything associated with their current lives somehow becomes irrelevant to them.
I am new to these forums and certainly no expert, but in answer to your question, it's because it's all about THEIR pain. I too, am an animal lover. In my sitch , I must "vacate" the H's home soon..I have to leave my 85 year old pet Tortoise behind. At this point, it's better for him if I do this, but it leaves another hole in my already holey heart!!! H doesn't get it and thinks I am being silly for feeling sad about yet another "loss".
Hang in there. You are doing the right things.Read DB and do the 180's for yourself only.
