Hi guys! Been a while since I've posted. Ups and downs as I adjust to this new life.
Ok, update. Since moving out, I went on a short vacation to Vegas and Napa. Left with $$$ from Vegas and had a blast!!
Kids have started the school year. I get them this weekend, so I'm in the carpool line as I type this. Tonight, we are meeting a bunch of my new neighbors with kids my kids ages tonight for dinner. Tomorrow, we will go to my brother's so the kids can play with their cousins - swimming and dinner.
All communication with stbxw is either about the kids or money.
The nights I'm alone are tough, but that's getting better. Looking forward to getting the kids this weekend.
Stbxw and/or her "lawyer" seem to be dragging their feet on wrapping up the settlement agreement. Judge has told us she wants the final agreement in less than 2 weeks. Get it done folks! I pick up about $500/mo once stbxw is off my health insurance, which can't happen until stbxw becomes xw.
I will be around a little more now that the dust seems to be settling. Thanks to all you guys for your well wishes, prayers and comments.
And for those of you about to go through a D, just keep your chin up. The kids will be ok (mine seem to be) and if your R was like mine, you WILL be happier without your spouse (assuming spouse was like mine and unwilling to "do the work" to save our M). It really is gonna be ok.
Thanks man. Good days and bad days, but I'm winning.
Still no evidence an OM (or OWY was/is part of my sitch. You may have to put me in that 1 percent where infidelity is not involved. But, at this point, I've seen enough of my stbxw's true nature not to care if it were present. I just don't want her, or what she put our family through, again.
Population-wide, I'd say it's more like 75/25, not 99/1. Once I see some of the red flags that people post, and read about certain behaviors and things their spouse has said, it then jumps to about 85-90%, but it's certainly not everyone.
GIMA- thanks for the update; sounds like things are going pretty well- take care
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I had my kids this weekend, and I have to say it was probably the most fun I think I have ever had with them. Friday, we had dinner with a group of 24 in my neighborhood (everyones' kids included), and the kids had a great time. There was a lady doing balloon animals, and the kids loved it. Kids, and I made a lot of contacts for play dates and dinner outings.
Saturday, we went to my brother and SIL's (they have 4 kids), and the kids, and I really had a great time just being with people who wanted to be with us. I've always been close to my family, but the D has made me appreciate how valuable my family is.
At the end of the evening Saturday, my SIL told me that now that stbxw is out of the picture, they really wanted to spend vacations with me and the kids. Apparently, they couldn't tolerate my stbxw's need to control everyone around her. They only went on one vacation with us in 13 years, and I never knew why until Saturday night.
Sunday, we made a trip to shop for my kitchen, and a stop at the grocery. After lunch, spent time at a great park with a fantastic playground for the kids about two blocks from my condo.
Then we came home and finished putting their new bunk bed together. I decided to let my S10 try to help me put the top bunk above the lower one, and he (and I) was so proud he was able to lift it in place. Of course, D6 helped too. WE did it...TOGETHER - my new family. As small as the task was, I don't think I will EVER forget it.
Mid-way through Sunday, I caught myself thinking how relaxed I was around the kids - more than I ever remember being. And it hit me that I wasn't tense, short, or busy telling them what they couldn't do - and the only thing different was that my stbxw wasn't around. How much stress did she help generate in me? Tension? I let it happen, but, what a difference with her not around.
The kids are doing well. And, so am I!
Next weekend, stbxw will have the kids. And, I'm going whitewater rafting with a friend.
Hope everyone is doing well, or as well as you can.
