Thanks for stating both spouses own 50% of what went wrong with the M. We need to remember that when we hit a low point- own what we did, work on it, move on. That's healthy.
I own it, the W does not. She feels that the majority of our problems are me. She has a habit of being on her "high horse" at times and looking at everything negative, nothing will fix "us", she is better off on her own, the grass is greener, she is very much an impulse decision maker. She decides on something without fully understanding the consequences going forward.
Even when she is getting involved in something new, whether its a hobby, a new job, or just changing something up? she jumps in feet first and gets about 50% there, then sits on her hands. It has been one of my issues with how she conducts herself. Even with stuff around the house, she will be one to start cleaning or doing laundry and never finish. She will be going at 100 MPH for 50% of the task, then stop. Usually I have to finish it. She sems to be in better moods towards the end of the day and at night, then in the morning she is pissy and grumpy. She is already complaining about how much she is working which has only been the last 2 weeks. So i guess the reality of where this is going is setting in a bit, but she is stubborn and wont let me see her weakness.
W just left for daycare with the kids, S was all excited about getting donuts on the way to daycare. I picked S up and said eat one for daddy! W says to S come on xander you know your daddy cant eat just one, and she smiled and looked at me. I said well if I had my yogurt I could of had my usual breakfast of yogurt and grape nuts(yum). SHe laughed then apologized because she was suppose to go to the store 4 days ago and has been slacking.
Where i feel there is still hope, she still wears her rings, her FB says she is still married to me, and she really hasnt told anyone other than a few family members that she has filed. With our last S, rings came right off, FB and myspace(at the time) we no longer have myspace, either way she changed them both immediately, and was changing her name back to her maiden name on everything she could without having to show proof that her name was legally changed back.
Am I reaching? or could her L be advising her to leave everything as it is until after the D. Her L told her to put a hold on some money I transfered to her account after she met with L, but before it was filed. So I guess part of me thinks she is just doing what her L tells her to do.
Am I reaching? or could her L be advising her to leave everything as it is until after the D.
I am wondering the same of my W, still wears rings to work, hasn't told anyone, acting nicer. I don't know the answer....I was hanging on it, but now have decided to wait and see if it progresses or not. Then I will know. I do return the favor though, if she is nice then I follow suit, if not I back off.
There was a discussion on another thread about having good and bad times, and if I recall, and it's true for me, that morning is the hardest time and maybe for the WAS as well?
I wouldn't read anything into your WAS's ring-wearing etc.
Nights are toughest for me, especially after the kids are in bed. That's when I'd like to be spending time with my W...So instead I go work out, give her as much space as she wants. If she says anything about watching a show, I'll join if asked, but not waiting around anymore.
So I get home from buying a new suit(for some interviews next week) set the stuff on the counter and get on my laptop. W walks in the house unexpectedly, stands in the kitchen and starts looking through my stuff, I didnt say anything. She starts to tell me she had to get a change of clothes for D, and starts rambling and my phone rings for an interview. I had to take it, W is still talking and I just went into the phone call. She walked out a little pissy, and got back in her car and left. I continued my phone interview which turned out to be pretty good. They want to meet with me next week. I am not going to apologize for it, if she brings it up I will simply say, it was an important call I had to take, didnt think you would be home.
I think she thought i was getting the suit for our day in court, LOL!!!!!
Ok people, W called me out of the blue, I was busy making the kids dinner. She started with small talk and I tried to get off the phone, politely of course. She asked me If I was serious about my proposal. I said yes I am. For those of you following my thread, I have issues with lying about stupid stuff which is my part of breaking the M down(on my part). In any case she says she wants to believe I want to work on the M. I told her that I have not told any friends or family about the D. They all know we are having problems but they dont know she filed.
She wants to believe me, which obviously takes time to restore trust. She asked me if i go to C on tuesday. I said yes he offered for you to call him if you need to(transperancy). She asked if I go to the church group on thursdays, I said yes I can give you the number of my group leader(again transparency). She asked me why I havent told anyone about the filing, then she said because you want to save the M? I said I cannot save the M, I said I want to work on a new M, but that takes both of us, not just me, I cannot fix anything but myself.
I could tell she wanted to keep talking, but I told her I need to feed the kids and this is better done in person. I dont know what to think right now, I have been a solid DBer the last few days and GAL is getting to her quickly. I think maybe the reality of the sitch is setting in to her a bit, I can tell she is still scared. Any advice as too how to handle it when she gets home? I have about 2 hours, she is working late.
