W was really pissy this morning. I have been giddy with the kids got them dressed for school. W has been taking more time to get "ready" she is putting on makeup again and doing her hair. Her friend told me she is doing this to get a reaction out of me. I have not said a word. I have not reacted one bit, I think she is trying to rub it in, she is a very pretty woman, and if it helps her self-esteem then good for her. That is one of my own boundaries for myself, I do tell her from time to time how good she looks but I am not going to be the slave boy that tells it to her constantly.
I am starting to realize, although I have faults I am not willing to be a completely different person than who I am. W told me a few nights ago I was fake and not able to love. SHe says that is the way I have been our whole R. I listened to that and have been thinking about it. If I was that way our whole R 7 years, why did we stay together? why did she come back after the first S? During the first S, I was very vindictive and stuck it to her because of the A. I completely detached, it was easier with the A. But at the same time I cannot do this every 3 years. This is not a high school Bf/Gf relationship. We are M we have 2 wonderful kids.
So I think about it more, she is just blaming me for everything that is wrong. Her friend told me, Derek you need to be you, go back to being just you. I was the same way when we first met, could have made some habit changes then, but I am who she fell in love with, so being me makes me happy.
I am not avoiding changes, I am not as "short tempered", I think before I speak and I am working on acting instead of reacting to things. I think maybe the W has been with me for 7 years and just feels like I am not who she wants to be with anymore, people grow and change, maybe she fell for me when she was younger and wants something different out of life? I was very reserved about getting involved with someone 10 years my junior. Maybe I am reaping the reason I did not want to do it back then...
Wow, another 10 year age diff. That has to be a good indicator of marital stability (or the lack of).
People do change. My wife is definitely not the same woman I married, and neither am I. But a lot of the traits I had back then, I still have (for better or worse). Same with her.
Don't let her blame you for everything that is wrong. That's WAS syndrome. You both own 50% of what happened in your M.
But she says she has done everything to make this M work, and I have done nothing. So I guess there is no option but to move along with or without her. I do not plan on contesting the D, I will show up at the hearing on the 9th of September, and basically do what I need to do for me and the kids, there is still time before the D, so I have to make sure I do my best in that time.
Another thing I forgot to mention, is I offered to go stay with a friend for a while, she has not brought it up, 3 weeks ago she kept asking when I was moving in with my Brother. This time I offered to go again, and there is no pushing me out the door, a little confusing....
Actions speak louder than words on your part too. Don't say you are going to go some where for 3 days.
Like Nike says, "Just Do It"!
You keep talking about the brother's house or friends house but are still holding her apron string at home means you don't say what you mean or mean what you say.
If you say it, ya gotta do it. Otherwise don't say it.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I know Chuck, I could just go stay there for a few days. But as Robx said, stay at the house for the kids. Had a good night at a group meeting at church. was there until about 10, came home and went upstairs to kiss the kids in their beds. W was already in her room light on, door shut journaling and reading her book " the mom's devotional bible". I kissed the kids and came to my room. Just sitting here typing on the laptop.
The group at church has everyone from substance abuse, co-dependency, intimacy isues, anger, guilt, grief and people dealing with divorce. I basically go to deal with not any particular issue just a place for support and understanding.
I seem to be doing better each day that goes by. I did do the W and kids laundry today while working from the house. W did thank me for it when she got home before I left. I said no problem gave the kids a hug and threw them in the air a few times, W seemed to enjoy watching me do this and listening to the kids giggle and laugh.
What kills me is even though we are pretty much separated in our home, the kids seee both of us at night and in the morning. When this ends up us living separate, I think the kids will hit their own emotional roller coaster. They will be very confused and they are so young 5 and 3. That is what is starting to set in and it tears me up....
