So she is still waffling between. You have let her know you want this M to work and ti's good she wants to do MC. It is unfortunate she says she'll go "no matter how this ends up."
It looks like she wants you both to do things together...so why not plan a dinner out tonight or this weekend?
Keep your head up. You have let her know you want this M to work. The rest is up to her.
I make a point to invite the W to all events and activities with our daughters. I also make a point to invite myself to any activities she does with them, if she doesn't explicitly invite me. There's nothing wrong with inviting her along; it's not pursuing. If anything, you can show her how good a father you are, which is very attractive.
I wouldn't worry about her saying "no matter how this ends up" when going to MC. She's just scared.
Either way I did apologize for some of the things I said this morning. We talked about a S instead of the D, I brought up the S. I told her I still dont feel that D is the solution. I agreed that we need time apart, and we discussed the option of a S, with a new rental house, and I would stay with a friend. The agreement would be based on something in writing acknowledging the agreement to the fact i am not abandoning the family.
This is pure manipulation from her. She doesn't want to deal with the consequences of her actions. She wants you to solve her housing problem. Don't fall for it. What do you think will happen once she is in a new home with the kids and you are part time at a buddy's house? She'll be right back to "This will never work". Only this time, she'll have the house and the kids and you'll already be out the door.
If she really wants to try a S instead of a D the way you described, than tell her the only way that can happen is if she puts a stop to the D. If she won't do that, you know she's just using you. Don't let her.
Also, get Relationship Rescue by Dr Phil. It's great for communication. It will definitely help you stay out of her traps.
Either way I did apologize for some of the things I said this morning. We talked about a S instead of the D, I brought up the S. I told her I still dont feel that D is the solution. I agreed that we need time apart, and we discussed the option of a S, with a new rental house, and I would stay with a friend. The agreement would be based on something in writing acknowledging the agreement to the fact i am not abandoning the family.
This is pure manipulation from her. She doesn't want to deal with the consequences of her actions. She wants you to solve her housing problem. Don't fall for it. What do you think will happen once she is in a new home with the kids and you are part time at a buddy's house? She'll be right back to "This will never work". Only this time, she'll have the house and the kids and you'll already be out the door.
If she really wants to try a S instead of a D the way you described, than tell her the only way that can happen is if she puts a stop to the D. If she won't do that, you know she's just using you. Don't let her.
I understand the manipulation point. Again I am trying to do the best I can with my sitch. I have made the point that if the S is agreed upon, the D will have to be on hold. If she doesn't agree then what is already in process keeps going, so what do I have to lose at this point?
Pin I know being a good father is attractive, I am a good father I don't think that is the issue so much. She said last night " I am not a good person with you" she also said she is to blame for this as well because she let me be the way that made her unhappy. I informed her that when I do something that upsets you, we need to communicate about it not let it slide by. I also made the comment that ourt issues are not unique and the problems are repairable
Every time you get into these negotiations with her, you lose ground.
I thought the rental house was for YOU?
You need to decide what YOU are going to do, and then let her figure out what she is going to do on her own.
Quote:
she let me be the way that made her unhappy
She let you? Really? I guess she is aware she has more control over you than you do.
And what did she let you do? Make her unhappy? Ha! She let you not make her happy? hahahahaha.
Dude, stop being gullible.
It's not your job "to make her happy". That's HER job. You're job is to make YOU happy, be a good father, and not treat your wife like crap or take her for granted.
She's not supposed to take you for granted either, but she DOES.
Stop letting your emotions dictate your decisions. Use a more-objective "what is right" kind of criteria to base your decission making on.
I am wondering how much of her "unhappiness" comes from just knowing that she can push you around and treat you badly, and you will take it and cave in?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/11/1007:01 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I heard a saying that I've been using myself, "Happiness is a DIY job", it was her job (and still is) to make herself happy, just like it's your job to make YOU happy.
You can each add to each other's happiness and assist in making you lives and existence more enjoyable but your own happiness is your own responsibility.
Unfortunately people fall into the trap of high expectations and placing a lot of pressure on others to make them happy and that never works because you keep wanting more and more and more and you become a bottomless pit, someone else can't fill up that emptiness if you're not able to do it yourself.
No more relationship talks with the wife DSH, just tell her that she filed for divorce, you are moving on with your life, she needs to do the same and your priority right now is finalizing the details of your new living arrangements for you and your kids - what she does or has to do now is of no consequence to you.
When you finally let go and I mean really let go of her and she feels it (because just saying words and performing real actions are two different things), that's when she will have her awakening.
You won't be there to make her "unhappy" anymore and she'll still be unhappy, you won't be the reason for her unhappiness but she'll still feel it and that's when she will realize that she was part of the problem.
Right now she's just flapping her gums, in part to try and make you feel better about what she's doing, it's also possible because she feels guilty for her part in all of this, it's hard to say, you can't read her mind (I know I can't).
Just let her be, you take care of you and your kids, that's all you need to do right now.
I heard a saying that I've been using myself, "Happiness is a DIY job", it was her job (and still is) to make herself happy, just like it's your job to make YOU happy.
You can each add to each other's happiness and assist in making you lives and existence more enjoyable but your own happiness is your own responsibility.
Unfortunately people fall into the trap of high expectations and placing a lot of pressure on others to make them happy and that never works because you keep wanting more and more and more and you become a bottomless pit, someone else can't fill up that emptiness if you're not able to do it yourself.
No more relationship talks with the wife DSH, just tell her that she filed for divorce, you are moving on with your life, she needs to do the same and your priority right now is finalizing the details of your new living arrangements for you and your kids - what she does or has to do now is of no consequence to you.
When you finally let go and I mean really let go of her and she feels it (because just saying words and performing real actions are two different things), that's when she will have her awakening.
You won't be there to make her "unhappy" anymore and she'll still be unhappy, you won't be the reason for her unhappiness but she'll still feel it and that's when she will realize that she was part of the problem.
Right now she's just flapping her gums, in part to try and make you feel better about what she's doing, it's also possible because she feels guilty for her part in all of this, it's hard to say, you can't read her mind (I know I can't).
Just let her be, you take care of you and your kids, that's all you need to do right now.
I need to start copying and pasting again, rob and TH. I guess what started the R talk was when she said, you and I are not at the same place right now are we? She also said she feels like an abused dog, which either bites or leaves. So I guess I just have to let goooooooo.......
