I wasn't thinking about going until she had mentioned I was welcome. Even then I didn't want to go except to see my son have a great day.
I need to reply to an email today, I will mention the finances.
Any special wording???
I was thinking something like this:
Finally, it's been three weeks since I sent you the numbers for the house. I would like to move forward with closure and settle up everything else too. I feel it is time to meet with the mediator so we could move on with our lives.
Don't want to sound like a prick but want to be assertive. I have been totally fair with every aspect of the division of assets. Thoughts?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Sent email to W stating we need to move forward with the finances.
I took charge of the schedule for the next few weeks and also told her we should contact the mediator and set an appointment.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
As you know I am waiting for W to contact me about the financial proposal I emailed to her 2.5 weeks ago.
Yesterday I emailed her about S2 3rd Bday party she invited me to. I said ---"I don't feel it would be a good idea for me to go to the party, D5 still has thoughts of us getting back together and I don't want to feed that fantasy"
So today received a text from W saying "What's a good time to call?"
I called her at lunch and said what's up??
She gave me an update about the kids schedule next week and said I didn't have to get a baby sitter. I said OK
Her tone was up beat with me.
She then asks if we could meet to talk Saturday mornin g. I replied that I may have plans to meet my sister for breakfast.
She said we could meet after that so I said let's meet at Starbucks. I asked her to give me a time b/c I know I will be there and she is usually late.
So we agreed to meet this Saturday to talk.
I'm not sure what to expect b/c she has been giving me updates about the kids the pass few times she dropped them off and also her tone today seemed happy.
I also haven't heard about anything she has been doing over the past few months. After our meeting in May and receiving answers from her that she did not want to work on M, I started to go out with OW.
It's been 3.5 five months since I have been out with OW and know there's a lot of good women out there.
The last thing I expect her to say is let's try to work on R.
Isn't that the way it works??
The thing that you least expect come through???
I need to mentally prepare for all out comes the weekend.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
It sounds like you are taking charge of things. Continue to be the leader. Lead don't follow. It sounds so simple but I'm sure it's true. I know it is in my sitch.
Who knows what your W want to talk about on Sat. Try not to mind read. Go with an open mind and no expectations. No expectations = no disappointment.
Tell you son happy b'day for me. He's three and doesn't care what you do for his b'day as long as you make it his day. It will be special because he's with you.
It sucks so much with little ones. All we can do is make it as good as we can.
I have been Leading,taking control of my life and family(kids).
I forgot to mention, during our convo today when she asked if we could meet, I asked her- Can't we just do it over the phone? My tone was confident and direct.
She paused and said- No I think I would like to meet face to face.
that's when I agreed.
Not sure if it means anything and I'm not going to even begin to speculate.
Will listen though.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
You can hunker down in fear, waiting for him to drop D papers on you.
Or...
Here is what I would do if I were you -
Email to STBXH - I have some business concerning the divorce that I need to discuss with you. I have decided not to tackle these issues in email, so I am inviting you to meet me for a coffee at xyz. I can do it xday or yday - which one works best for you? Any time on either of those days is good - name it. Thanks. D
When he agrees to a time and day -
D to STBXH - I have decided to move forward with our divorce. I would still like to work on our M but the writing is on the wall that you are not willing - so be it. I'm moving ahead. One of us must file - I am prepared to do so unless you already have the wheels in motion to do so. In that case, here is my lawyer's card and she/he will receive your papers. I wanted to tell you face to face that I will go forward with this. Are there any loose ends you would like to tie off with me before this ball starts rolling?
Then listen. Do not fire back. Just listen.
Why would I do this? B/c I, like Ferris Bueller's friend Cameron believe: "I am not going to sit on my a$$, as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand..."
With my approach, you stare down what you're so damned afraid of AND you open the door for communication.
Looks win-win to me.
That's what I would do.
Greek
Couldn't agree more with this statement.
Action speaks louder than words..... Actions trump fears.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
So today received a text from W saying "What's a good time to call?"
I called her at lunch and said what's up??
She gave me an update about the kids schedule next week and said I didn't have to get a baby sitter. I said OK
Her tone was up beat with me.
She then asks if we could meet to talk Saturday mornin g. I replied that I may have plans to meet my sister for breakfast.
She said we could meet after that so I said let's meet at Starbucks. I asked her to give me a time b/c I know I will be there and she is usually late.
So we agreed to meet this Saturday to talk.
I'm not sure what to expect b/c she has been giving me updates about the kids the pass few times she dropped them off and also her tone today seemed happy.
I also haven't heard about anything she has been doing over the past few months. After our meeting in May and receiving answers from her that she did not want to work on M, I started to go out with OW.
It's been 3.5 five months since I have been out with OW and know there's a lot of good women out there.
The last thing I expect her to say is let's try to work on R.
I think that's EXACTLY what she's going to want to discuss.
Whether or not she's SINCERE or not yet, I haven't followed your sitch closely enough to say, but it has all the earmarks:
- the amount of time that's passed; - you've dated OW; - you've maintained a strong, upbeat stance, that is attractive to her; - deadlines (legal or financial) are closing in on her. - her tone (loving)
I think that's EXACTLY what she's going to want to discuss.
Whether or not she's SINCERE or not yet, I haven't followed your sitch closely enough to say, but it has all the earmarks:
- the amount of time that's passed; - you've dated OW; - you've maintained a strong, upbeat stance, that is attractive to her; - deadlines (legal or financial) are closing in on her. - her tone (loving)
Heads up. BE PREPARED.
Puppy
Say it does happen, what should I be looking for?
My friend asked me this last week- " gr8, what if your W comes to you next week and says she wants to work on M?"
Knowing that I am going out w/ OW I told her that I was unsure but would probably not take her back.
Now that I'm totally over her and the M and have moved on, she now..now wants to stir the pot? WTF?
Pin... where the Ferris Beuller quote?? I didn't do it on purpose.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
