I hear you on snapping I asked the wife if have any kind of brain, when I asked her if I could pickup S & D early Wednesday after our mediation and her answer was I dont know. Same with asking for some days before I go back to work in 2 weeks.. This 180 turn around I'm still having a hard time. And my patients is running thin with STBXW.
Mark
Me 36 WAW 24 S 4 D 2(My Kids/her step kids) S15,D14,S10,D11 Love you but not in love with you 6/8/2010 Left/Bomb 6/20/2010 D filed 6/23/2010 M 4 T 5 1/2
I just got so angry this morning that I snapped. I said some things I probably shouldnt have, and told the W we need to get together and split things up this weekend. She asked when I was moving and I told her the end of the month. I reminded her that she also needs to find a place. She reiterated that you have issues, and I have issues that we need to work through. She said all I want is to for us to be good parents for our kids.
I definately let my emotions get to me this morning, I basically said I was throwing in the towel and helping get the D done quicker. I did read a psot on another thread that PIN wrote, which I feel the same way. I still love her, but dont know if I really want to be with her anymore. She is and always has been sef-absorbed and a drama queen. I really dont know that she can be happy no matter how good the M is with me or an R with anyone else.
Well I would say the reality of the situation has definitely hit home with you ;-)
Getting angry and snapping/exploding still shows that you're emotionally invested in this situation. If you were indifferent and it didn't bother you at all, I would say you were totally done but you aren't done yet.
I highlighted the last part of your post, you should read that part to yourself again a few times, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to be with someone who is self-absorbed and a drama queen? Let her go bro, she filed for divorce, you move on with your life, you get a place for you and your kids, you file for joint custody and you take care of you and her assuming that you are going to provide her a place to live well it's a bad assumption on her part, she needs to get cracking on her part of this equation but it's not something you have to worry about anymore. Sign the lease on your new place, move your stuff over, move the kid's stuff over and tell her that until she finds a place for her and the kids that you can keep them with you.
You take care of you, let her do whatever she wants to do, if she wants to drag her feet on this issue, she will be the one left with the rude awakening.
I can't say with 100% certainty/guarantee but her filing for divorce was done out of anger with no thought of how you guys would work on the task of moving on/out, etc. Part of you detaching and moving on is letting her take care of herself and letting her see how adults have to take on adult responsibilities. She assumed she would stay in the house and you would move out, and she was wrong now that she found out about the house situation. How many other assumptions did she make that she will be wrong on? Only time will tell ;-)
Just focus on taking care of you and the kids, being a good parent and getting that new place to live in lined up, school starts soon and you will have issues related to that soon enough as well as being a single parent so you have plenty to worry about and deal with when it comes to you, stop worrying about what she's going to do, let her deal with that part herself, she isn't your responsibility anymore.
YOu are right, Rob, I cant worry about what she is going to do,t is her problem. I am going to get my stuff together and plan on making the move. I am going to tell her I am taking the kids with me, until she makes adequate arrangements for herself.
I am meeting with L today at 3 and will hand over the D stuff to him. My W thinks, and I am sure her L is telling her this, that she will get primary custody. I reminded her this morning that a District judge awarded me custody 2 years ago, and that will be a factor in court. I did not need to bring it up, but I did.
She told me with the last separation, I was nasty to her, I reminded her she had an A, and she felt why wouldnt I be nasty this time. I said I dont want a D this time last time I did, that is why I filed last time. She siad you didnt want a D last time either, but I had an A and thats why you filed. She is correct on that one, it took me a while but I was Dbing then and didnt want a D then either.
The friend who talked to her on Sunday, said the W was receptive to advice and blew some off, Friend feels like W is still confused and angry. Friend says there is hope, but it is long term hope. That made me realize this is not going to get "fixed" any time soon, so I have no choice but to move on.
I read it, and agree drip,drip,drip. I am leaving to meet with L, I might start spending a few nights a week at a buddys to take the itch off the sitch, but will ask the L first.
if you're out of the house in a few weeks, you might as well stay where you are, provide security to your kids during this time, they're going to experience a lot of changes soon with you guys moving to a new home and you and your wife separating, they require you to provide them with some sense of security and stability throughout these changes, especially when they're little and don't understand why these changes are taking place.
Had IC tonight, came home and shaved my head. Told the W who was I guess waiting on me to watch closer with her that I had to get up early and was going to bed. She asked me why I am being weird? We had a blowup this morning, and she says I am trying to be your friend and not make this ugly. We started R talk, we talked for quite a while, I told her I understood her feelings, I feel like we keep going back to these talks. She said she has noticed my changes (again) but doesnt think they will stick(again). She brought up this morning as far as my anger and such, I reminded her that what started the fight this morning was her accusing me of messing with her things, I told her you did not ask, you accused.
Either way I did apologize for some of the things I said this morning. We talked about a S instead of the D, I brought up the S. I told her I still dont feel that D is the solution. I agreed that we need time apart, and we discussed the option of a S, with a new rental house, and I would stay with a friend. The agreement would be based on something in writing acknowledging the agreement to the fact i am not abandoning the family.
We talked about MC. She said I think we should no matter how our M ends up. So at least she is agreeing on the MC right now. I did make some mistakes here, For some reason I get to a point of "letting go" then I go to C or church, and want to fight for M, swallowing my pride and being humble.
W brings up all the negatives in our M, and I cant help but saying it is easy to focus on those and not the good times we have had. She also says she goes back on forth on working on things, So she still waffles, could be good or bad I guess. I think she filed for D, because she did not see any other option. She told me tonight we have separated in the same house and nothing has changed. She says you tell me you want the M, but you dont act like it. Again i am stuck here, she says you dont invite me places with you, you dont include me when you plan stuff with the kids. So am I shooting myself in the foot> I told her you show me that you dont want to be with me why would I think you want me to invite you places with me? she cant answer.
I guess I need to include her so I can DB around her more often? All our sitches are similar but also different as far as what the WAW wants to see in us. I know some will post what i am doing is wrong. some will post the opposite. I guess I dont know where to go from here, I think I know what Rob will say dont know about puppy or Gucci, think I know what TH and Pin will say.....
