Had a good night last night, W and I watched Closer together and talked about things other than the show. We talked about her riding horses and small chit chat about current events. This is one thing i have changed, she used to get mad that we did not interact about our lives outside of the kids. So all in all it was pleasant.
I left a few thigns out in my last post. Yesterday when we did talk about the M, I stood firm, agreed with her but at the same time did not let her blame all on me. She asked me what I felt love menat? I told her loving and imperfect person in a perfect way. She could not respond, It was my way of telling her "ya im not perfect" I have made mistakes but I am who I am.
She also told me that her family told her if you still ove him, which she says she does, any problems in the M can be worked out. Dont knwo if I believe it, I dont get along with her immediate family.
TH and Rob, I slowly feel I am getting away from the angry stage for now, doesnt mean the anger pill wont be swallowed again, but for now I am content.
She gave me a little crap about spending money on her gift card, I simply reminded her that when I received the D papers, I did not consider my money any of her concern. I told her she has worked her butt off and she deserved a spoiled treatment. What I felt I accomplished last night was a good talk, no argueing, before any time I would stand up for myself and what I have done she would counter in a negative way, last night I believe she took what I said to heart.
This morning the W asked me if I had used her income for the rental application. I said no. I told her we need to register S for school, she asked if the rental was in the elementary district we are currently in, I said no. She said we will have to wait then. I guess she is considering moving with me/us/the kids and working on things or she is just asking questions.... trying to mind read, sad sad i need to stop.
She did ask me if I am trying to work on the M, why I have I been so happy and distant? I told her that when you are cold and basically lock yourself in your room you are not exactually approachable. Since I made that comment she has been a bit warmer, a little flirty. i also told her that I realized i cannot make you work on the M, and that I need to get on with my life, the way i want my life to be.
So I dont know if the weekend was a bit of a wake up call for her, but she has probably got a lot going through her mind right now.
I have kept a pretty level tone, not elevated and not depressed. She does notice that, which has made me feel, well a little free..... After we went to bed last night she sent me a pci of her with a horse, I do know how much she misses riding, I sent her a message from the pic that said "you look happy and pretty" nothing else, she sent back a thank you....
tonight has been so-so. W and I hung out with the kids, and basic chit chat. How was your day, this and that I listened to voicemails and W looked at me and said you ok? I said ya why? she said you look pissed. I said nope feel fine, and kept playing with the kids. Put the kids to bed and W gets on the phone with her family members, either her Aunt or her Dad usually. I forgot to tell you guys I kinda through one back at her, when she was bitching about money, I said remember a few months ago, when I didnt get a paycheck my parents covered our mortgage payment? I said when u bitch about money, you go to your Dad to borrow money to file for D, who's priorities are screwed up? I felt pretty good after that one, she couldnt respond.
W came down, I was on my laptop she began to watch Frasier on DVR. After she finished she said, lets not take our kids to bars anymore. I said first off, sont accuse me of anything, I took the kids to a wing restaurant last night for the Hall of Fame game. I told the W we sat in the restaurant section which is sectioned off from the bar, thy have a kids area and the kids had fun playing with other kids. I finished with, I had never been there before, go check it out if you would feel more comfortable, and that the kids had a good time eating and playing with other kids. She softly said, OK and went to bed. It was not an argument, like it would have been before, I did get a bit defensive but I was not irate like before, I was calm and would not let her convince me what I did was wrong, I am there father and will not put them in harm's way. I made myself pretty clear, and difused the situation and took the lead.
W and I had a blowup this morning about bills. Im done with this crap, she is vindictive and trying to manipulate everything. I told her I am hiring a L this week, and she is throwing punches so will I. I cant be nice anymore she is trying to do things that are ridiculous. I am really pissed right now.
Don't let her control you. She's testing you constantly (as you are her). Focus on detaching, walk away if you can't stay detached discussing something with her.
4320, It's not the problems in our life that get to us, but the way we let them effect us. Choose not to let them effect us and they are no longer problems.
Mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
Take a breather and go out and do something to distract yourself. Even for just 15 minutes. Go outside and smell a flower or something.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I just got so angry this morning that I snapped. I said some things I probably shouldnt have, and told the W we need to get together and split things up this weekend. She asked when I was moving and I told her the end of the month. I reminded her that she also needs to find a place. She reiterated that you have issues, and I have issues that we need to work through. She said all I want is to for us to be good parents for our kids.
I definately let my emotions get to me this morning, I basically said I was throwing in the towel and helping get the D done quicker. I did read a psot on another thread that PIN wrote, which I feel the same way. I still love her, but dont know if I really want to be with her anymore. She is and always has been sef-absorbed and a drama queen. I really dont know that she can be happy no matter how good the M is with me or an R with anyone else.
