Wish me luck I am going to call her dad this afternoon and break the news to him. He needs to know especially since she is driving his car and should she get stopped with dirtbag in the car and he's dirty she and the car are going to be snatched up.
My wife's aunt feels he should hear it from me rather then the watered down blame deflecting version she is going to feed him.
M/49 H/35 Married 10 yrs 4 kids: B9, D7, B5, D3 Learned of EA June 2010 ILYBNILWU June 2010 Learned of SA July 2010
Keep in mind that YOU cannot fix her, YOU cannot change her feelings, YOU have to set boundaries (and enforce them) to protect YOU and YOUR KIDS.
If you make it your business to figure her out or try to fix her, you will drain yourself dry and fail to do what you need to do here: detach from her unhealthy behavior.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
My wife's aunt feels he should hear it from me rather then the watered down blame deflecting version she is going to feed him.
She is going to feed them another narrative. You can count on that. I have yet to read one time where it hasn't happened. Exposure is the right thing to do. Affairs flourish in secrecy. This is going to be the first real set of shocks to the fantasy she is living right now.
And she is going to be very angry most likely. She'll get over that eventually.
But... your purpose... as always is to protect yourself and your kids.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/04/1005:32 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I have set boundaries and told her that when she leaves she won't be able to pop in and play spouse and mother just because she wants too. She had offered to come stay here with the kids while I worked which I refused as I'm not putting the kids through that. She will need to stick to a schedule regarding visiting our kids and that if they didn't want to go with her I will NOT force them to.
I have removed her from all of our joint accounts and taken steps to change out all of the utilities in to my name only.
I also told her that she will need to obtain her own car insurance, register one of our vehicles in her name, transfer her cell phone into her own name, and obtain her own health, dental etc insurance as I am not going to be responsible for her financially once she leaves.
I also brought some boxes home and have begun to place things that are her's in them and will set them in the garage for her to take. I believe I pretty well on my way to being detached. It reminds me a bit of the Tough Love Theory. Now if it works only time will tell.
M/49 H/35 Married 10 yrs 4 kids: B9, D7, B5, D3 Learned of EA June 2010 ILYBNILWU June 2010 Learned of SA July 2010
have removed her from all of our joint accounts and taken steps to change out all of the utilities in to my name only.
I also told her that she will need to obtain her own car insurance, register one of our vehicles in her name, transfer her cell phone into her own name, and obtain her own health, dental etc insurance as I am not going to be responsible for her financially once she leaves.
I also brought some boxes home and have begun to place things that are her's in them and will set them in the garage for her to take.
Good.
Quote:
I believe I pretty well on my way to being detached. It reminds me a bit of the Tough Love Theory. Now if it works only time will tell.
If it protects you and your kids, it works, so it will work.
As for her... that's up to her, isn't it?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Yeah I suppose it is. Unfortunately there are a great deal of causalities in this battle and none of them deserve to be there. She either doesn't realize the total scope of her actions and how many people it's impacted or doesn't care. Either way she is going to have a lot of fences to mend once she gets her act together.
M/49 H/35 Married 10 yrs 4 kids: B9, D7, B5, D3 Learned of EA June 2010 ILYBNILWU June 2010 Learned of SA July 2010
Sorry for the delayed response there have been loads going on here. First, No She's not on drugs other then for depression and anxiety. She volunteered to take not one but multiple drug tests to verify she isn't hasn't and won't test positive.
Anyhow her aunt and cousin arrived for a visit and her aunt has lived through pretty much identically what I have been dealing with since I discovered it. She and her aunt talked at great length about everything that is and has occurred. She agrees that she needs to seek not only counseling but also to consult a psychiatrist about everything.
We talked last night for hours about everything and she finally broke down and cried and first time since this started I am beginning to see the woman I married reemerge. I'm not counting my chickens as I know its a long slow process but this was a very big and very positive step int he right direction. I'll keep you posted
M/49 H/35 Married 10 yrs 4 kids: B9, D7, B5, D3 Learned of EA June 2010 ILYBNILWU June 2010 Learned of SA July 2010
Well yesterday was an interesting day. We actually went out as a family to shop for the kids for back to school clothes. She and I talked a good bit about things and she was apologetic about the situation and the toll it has taken on all of us.
She says her therapist his helping her realize some things. She still says she doesn't know if she wants to be married but knows she doesn't want to be divorced, which doesn't make any sense to me.
Still she is wanting to do more and more as a family. But is still talking to the OM.
Any suggestions?
M/49 H/35 Married 10 yrs 4 kids: B9, D7, B5, D3 Learned of EA June 2010 ILYBNILWU June 2010 Learned of SA July 2010
