He actually did give me an example of a wonderful husband and father who killed his wife months after she left him. He just fell apart and couldn't handle the loss. According to his kids, he had become a different person after the separation. Pastor also mentioned that he's dealt with unfaithful spouses that you would never believe could do such a thing, but they do. Nothing really surprises him anymore.
Maybe it's just my pea-sized brain not being able to get around that example, but, he's not a really good man then. No one is perfect and we all have our moments of darkness. But not one of us has the right to take a life - ever - or for that matter harm a person intentionaly. Ever. That, to me, shows an existing flaw in their morals and ethics - or the local term we use here is "they just ain't right".
Can you imagine meeting someone on an online dating site and they reveal they had a moment of weakness and killed their exspouse? But it was a really tough time and a long time ago. Sign me up - I like danger. And I have guns, so I'm all good. (sorry - I'm jaded - but most people scare the bejeezus out of me).
Through this process that brought us all here - I'm pretty sure each person can tell you of at least once, maybe twice that they were driven to their knees. Yet, they did not hurt/kill anyone - that's a good person.
Gardner - so sorry for jumping in here, beating up on WII and not acknowledging you. I hope your brother finds the grace in his wake up call and his family supports him in this opportunity. Remember you can lead a horse to water and all that - if he 'got it' then your support will be welcomed - ride all a$$es with caution.
Maybe it's just my pea-sized brain not being able to get around that example, but, he's not a really good man then. No one is perfect and we all have our moments of darkness. But not one of us has the right to take a life - ever - or for that matter harm a person intentionaly. Ever. That, to me, shows an existing flaw in their morals and ethics - or the local term we use here is "they just ain't right".
Can you imagine meeting someone on an online dating site and they reveal they had a moment of weakness and killed their exspouse? But it was a really tough time and a long time ago. Sign me up - I like danger. And I have guns, so I'm all good. (sorry - I'm jaded - but most people scare the bejeezus out of me).
Through this process that brought us all here - I'm pretty sure each person can tell you of at least once, maybe twice that they were driven to their knees. Yet, they did not hurt/kill anyone - that's a good person.
This conversation brings to mind the phrase that (some action or behavior) was "completely out of character," for someone. I never bought that: If they did it, it is in their character. We may not have known it, may have misperceived their character, but it was, obviously, in their character.
And no problem with the aside - not a hijack. Quite interesting. Thank you for your kind words.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
This conversation brings to mind the phrase that (some action or behavior) was "completely out of character," for someone. I never bought that: If they did it, it is in their character. We may not have known it, may have misperceived their character, but it was, obviously, in their character.
but it doesn't mean that one action is their entire character either.
Frankly, it might as well be. I'd say a supposedly "out of character" murder spree trumps all other claims of the perpetrator upon the sum of his or her "entire character". Just sayin'...
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
X came over. She called. I never answer. VM says she's out and nearby and wants to come over and spend some time getting some of her things from the basement. She pulls up about 2 minutes later, if that, with surgically-attached teacup dog with her, of course. The divorce says she simply has to "notify" me when she does so: no more, no less. But two-minute advance notice? I may have to set a boundary on that. That's pretty much barging in in my book.
Done.
Originally Posted By: Gardener
E-mail: Our Divorce/Separation Agreement stipulates only that, "If X seeks to go to the home, she will contact Gardener first."
Despite that, I will tell you that I feel disrespected, taken advantage of, and barged in upon when you "notify" me within two minutes or so of your arrival as you did yesterday. While your "notification" fulfills the letter of the Divorce Agreement, I believe it violates the spirit of it.
While I appreciate your prompt return of my belongings, I feel the same way about your totally unannounced/no notification appearance at my home this evening.
In the future I will expect to be "notified" at least one hour prior to your seeking "to go to the home..."
An unanswered, un-replied-to voicemail message will not suffice in honoring my one-hour notification expectation.
If you choose not to honor this reasonable expectation, I will lock both un-keyed mudroom and garage doors.
If you choose to continue to not honor this reasonable expectation, I will take the matter up with counsel.
I would never presume it to be acceptable to show up at your (residence) Street residence unannounced or with minimal notification. Indeed, you have on several occasions adamantly declined my offers to do so to save postal time in delivering you paperwork, etc.
Thank you.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I'm late with this, Gardener, I wasn't online this weekend, but I'm sorry to hear about your brother, and I hope he continues to improve.
I don't think I have anything to add to the co-dependency discussion though, other than a "me too".
Oh, and the character thing- I think people have different characters within themselves (some more than others), and they carefully pick and choose which character they reveal, or how much of a particular character, to certain people. And these characters can be quite different even though they are part of the same person. Maybe that's why we get caught by surprise when they do something unexpected.
